Attachment.

I think we all have something in common. Attachment. Ok, so, maybe not everyone of us, but at least some of us.. If you feel it resonate with yourself that's it. Well, lately I have been thinking. What is actually the feeling when someone suddenly disconnect from us and left us feel lonely and sometimes even worst hurtful? And make us think that we might have done or said something wrong. We questioned ourselves of our abilities of being a human being or being loveable. Why I'm writing about this is because the dark place in my heart have surface during the full moon, and I feel that it has to come up for me to shed some light to it.

The feeling of loneliness when someone disconnect is because we feel attach to them. And attachment isn't a bad thing, but it can rule over us if we don't learn to love the part of us that is yearning to be accepted. I think that I might be able to accept it as it is.  Attachment is a form for connection in this world. When we connect, we get attached to each other, and when suddenly we become disconnected abruptly we tend to feel that there's something missing, and we think that it is love. It could be love, or just the ego trying to control the situation, it doesn't want to lose it identity as a person feeling lonely. It creates a image of love, that we must have that person to be happy, but it fail to make us happy, because we can't own a person with free will, we can't own someone who doesn't belong to us, we can't control the future. Anything could happen.  

So attachment goes in and force us to understand that we need to detach ourself from what we love, so it won't become difficult when the situation isn't in our control. And the feeling of disconnection with a person is only a temporary feelings that will go away when we learn to accept that attachment is not to be feared. Attachment is a call from our soul that what we get attach to is actually something that we cherish and feel important about. That's what I have learned when I feel that I'm attach to this person who gave me lots of attention but now suddenly disconnect from me entirely. 

I must say that this isn't the first time I'm feeling attach to someone. I have gone through it many times and it's still a mystery to me that I haven't learned it. And yeah, when I haven't learned to accept myself fully. When I will feel lonely because someone detached themselves from me I know now that it is because I value that person very much, and I feel that we must have some sort of agreement to meet each other in this life time to help each other with the self love issue. Well, I believe in souls, so I think we have some agreements with our soul mates and twin flame soul mates on how we would meet and how we can do to help the other person to rise up to the feeling of  unconditional love.

It's important to truly accept ourselves as we are, with all the feelings we have. The lessons will continue when we haven't mastered it or learn from it, the same feelings will arise in many different way, but we all learn it bit by bit and go on a pace that's more suited for each one of us. 

So, if you feel attached to someone right now, and they don't feel the same attachment with you, just slowly detached yourself from it and accept the feeling of attachment. You will be much more happy. Value the person, they might have given you the best gift. They have drop a clue for you on how to love yourself more. 

The Time I Couldn't Sleep

It's late, but I have an uneven sleep pattern these days. Being up all night and sleep till late evening. Being awake like this and doing nothing is just what I have being doing lately, even though I tried my best to write. 

This blog hasn't improved that much either since I haven't been active with it at all. I don't know when I stop to write entirely, but it seems like I have lost inspiration and even worst don't feel like writing. 

The moment I become sentimental and reminiscing about my past love is the moment I listen to a good romantic song. I still think of her, even though the longing isn't that strong anymore. I learn to live without her in my life while I keep thinking if she would ever come back. The future is mysterious and exciting, I really wonder what would happen to me in the near future and if I would ever see her again.

Life, not something you would waste, but at times difficult to not wander of or be distracted. I thought about it and come to a conclusion. The whole time while I was trying to help people, I neglected myself. So this time around I will dedicate time to myself where I can replenish and practice what I have learn through reading self help books. There're so many things I need to improve. My soul, body and mind need to be balance. And I have to use this opportunity to do just that.

I'm not saying that helping people is a waste of time, but I think you have to be careful not to make them dependent in you for help each time there are problems. And watch out for those who take advantage of your kindness. Being compassion and help people in need are always a good thing, but setting boundaries are also another thing you have to remember to do if you face a person who doesn't want to help themselves.

I don't think it's a bad thing to think about yourself, because when you are in balance and accept that you need to give time to yourself, then helping others will come naturally. You will also be more joyful when you actually have more to give. Helping others shouldn't be an obligation, but rather a free choice, an act of kindness. Think about it for a moment, when you are force or being manipulated to help someone, wouldn't you resent yourself more afterwards? I know how it feel, because I have step on that path many times during my life, however I have learn from it and actually I'm more aware of how people treat me. I can notice when people are genuine towards me or not.

Enough said, I will certainly contemplate more about this topic and doing my best to write when I have the time to do so. 

Chaos Before Peace

There are things that we can't control in life, and why should we try? Why can't we just let it flow as it wants, let the chaos subside by itself while we maintain a peaceful mind and a calm pose.

These days has been hard on me. Suddenly I become fearful to swallow food. It just came from nowhere even though I have had it before. But it struck me hard in the last few weeks. It's hard to explain this fear and phobia to my family and friends. They are supportive and wants the best for me, but some of them can't understand what I'm going through. That's fair enough, I can't expect them to understand when they haven't experience what I'm going through.

I can't stress this enough, but please, don't try to know it all when you haven't actually walk in the person's shoes. You don't really know how painful and distress it is when you have never gone through it. Be supportive as much as you can. Give them space and let them proceed in their own pace. A warm hug, a smile and a clap on the shoulder gives them the hope to try harder on winning the game between the fear and the joy they'll experience when they finally can let go of theirs anxiety.

I tell you this, it's because I'm going through it now as I mention above.

I appreciate the tips and support I can get from all of you. Just give me tips on how I can overcome this, I do try my best to eat, even though the anxiety of swalloing food is big, I still try.

I haven't write in a long while now. Part is because I don't have so much inspiration, and the other part is because I'm finally free for emotional pain. Well, maybe not totally free, but I'm out of the winter long depression. I don't cry that easily over my past any longer.

I have tried to practies many methods I have learn from books I have read, and I find myself stronger than before. Those methods help in some degree. While I still work hard to maintain my peace and happiness and to be a better person than I was.

I hope those who read my blogs find themselv and truly understand the love that the Universe is giving to us.

Åpenhet

Hvis jeg visste at det kommer en dag der jeg måtte gi slipp på deg, hadde jeg ikke kastet bort tiden med å dagdrømme. Jeg ville gjort mitt beste å skape mest mulig minner med deg. Livet er for kort, selv om det virker som vi kommer til å leve for evig. Så klart, sjelen vil aldri dø, men det livet vi har her nå er det eneste vi har. 

Vi trenger å sette mer pris på de menneskene vi har rundt oss. Noen forhold varer ikke livet ut, de endre seg med tiden, men likevel er de verdt å huske på, for de har gitt oss så mye å lære om. 

Når vi kommer i kontakt med et annet menneske må vi huske å ha et åpen sinn. Vi trenger å tre inn i forholdet uten fordommer slik at vi ikke går glipp av deres kjerne. Den godheten som vi alle besitter ligger dypt inn i oss. Selv om vi ikke kan beholde kontakten er det ikke en ende. Gir dem en mulighet til å savne deg, og gi slipp på dem. Noen forhold varer som en årstid, mens andre varer livet ut. 

Livet er som en mysterie, du vet aldri hvem som kommer og hvem som går ut av livet ditt. Du vet aldri hva som kan skje med deg, du kan ha det bra det ene øyeblikket og dårlig i neste. Uansett hvordan livet utfolde seg, vil du alltid møte på nye mennesker som kanskje får deg til å se ting annerledes, men om du møter noen mennesker som ikke resonnere med din energi, kan du sende dem kjærlighet og gå videre med livet ditt.

Vi trenger ikke alltid forklare oss selv for noen, la det heller være en hemmelighet hvis det er negativt det vi vil si.

Finding The Light

I sat down trying to come up with something to write, but it doesn't flow as easily as it used to. My fingers froze and my mind went blank. I think it is because I'm at peace with myself and no longer hear the chattering in my mind. I'm so far ahead with being zen like that things like thoughts doesn't come up as much as it used to. 

All I could think of at night was: when will I end up in a relationship? how would it be like? would anyone wants me and when will my psychic abilities blossom. Actually, those things isn't as important as my spiritual evolution. But I couldn't help but to think of those things. 

I've grown with the years that gone by. I'm not acting as if life happens to me, I'm living the way that is less struggling. I don't struggle to be happy or satisfied, because I know that living is being. Being peaceful, being joyful, being goddess-like. 

God taught me to live from the heart, and he taught me well, because things comes easily when I'm not trying to be nice. Because when you try to be nice you are trying to get acceptance from others and trying to please them. Kind people are not afraid to say no. Frankly, I've learned to say no, and it is not to be mean or anything, but it is very important to set boundaries so that other people could respect you. I accept myself for who I am and hope that others do that with themselves as well. 

I haven't cried a single tear since... I don't even remember when it was the last time I cried. But there isn't anything that moves me enough to make me cry. I want to cry happy tears, I want to feel the joy of knowing myself. The question: "who am I", lingers on my mind. It has been put away behind the back of my head for so long. I put it in the box where I hidden it away and now I'm taking it out so the light could shine on it and maybe the light can help me to make sense of it. 

Where there is light, darkness is no more. 

I want to go home, go back home to the far away galaxy, back to the place where I belong and remember my true self again and then - I want to remember who I am once again.

Forgiveness And Understanding; God.

"Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer and forgiveness." 

- H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

First let me say that I'm blessed. I'm blessed with an open and accepting family and good caring friends who stand by my side. Second, I think I'm better than I think I am.

Even though I have been through lots of dramas in my life and various happenings I still stand tall on my two feet. Life is treating me better now that I've gained the power to discern between right and wrong and how to deal with people that cross my path. I realize that life has always treated me well, I was born to believed that it wasn't so, but I have changed my perception and how I think.

Some people that aren't so familiar with how I am used to fear what I'm telling them. The truth is, I carry a lot of secrets. A dark hollow past that I couldn't shrugged it off. Because it is a part of me. It made me to who I am now in the present. Sometimes it's easy to use it as an excuse to not participate in the social events when I think life is full of challenges, but I have grown tired of parties and being around with lots of people make me feel stuffed. It simply drained me for energies. But I know that I can deal with a large group of people now and then, because I do think that it's a positive challenge. Someday I might stand on a scene talking to young people whose lives depends on other to feel happy and loved. I really want to tell them to love themselves more, because that it's the point in living. Loving themselves and change their perception of themselves and of others.

You see, life happens to us, we live not to do things to get acknowledge for who we are trying to be, but to be acknowledge because we exist. Young people should know that they are worth more than they have learned to believe. So more worthy of love and acceptance. They're not born to earned that, they are born to be loved and to love. If we just taught them how to appreciate what they have more than what they would get, then I think they will be grateful for having a life. Life is so precious. We tends to forget that because we are living in a hectic world. Everyone needs to get to work, worrying that they might not have enough of money to buy things, things that they think would satisfy them, but if they just know that they are rich because they are granted a life they wouldn't having so much worries about how to feed themselves.

I'm aware of the fact that large scale of people in other countries couldn't feed themselves and therefore you might think that maybe having a life for them isn't as fortunate as us, but even so, their lives are precious. But I'm talking to you, who at least have the access to internet and read what I'm writing right now. You are more wealthy than you think you are. So much blessed as any others humans in this world. Wouldn't you take time to count your blessing? Feeling grateful that you have a life? A chance to change yourself or more better; change someone else's life. You count, you make a difference. You're so worthy.

Forget about your past, learn from it and let it go, release your negative emotions and tend to your inner child, I bet it needs a lot of love from you.

I have learned so much by seeking for the truth. I have always been searching for the truth, and I found it, (and I lost it, but at least I know what the truth really is.) The truth is, there's no truth less the truth we are perceiving. Life is truth, you are the truth, not anyone have the same truth, so what? Can't we learn to respect each other view point on how things are? Why do we waste time in arguing, we can discuss, because its give us the chance to understand each other more, but we can't discuss forever of how to living a peaceful life. To live a peaceful life is to act out how we think that would be. We extend kindness when we act in peace and love. We treat people with respect and let them be who they really are. We don't have to change them, because we can't, we can only change ourselves and that would be enough, because people will be affect by us. They will learn how to change themselves if that is what they wish to do.

We tends to judge what we don't understand, but that in itself is innocence, because of our lack of understanding have made us fearful for the unknown. We all have the heart to forgive such behavior because we are made in the same image as God, and God is forgiving. So forgive yourself for judging, and do forgive people who judge you. They don't know you as you yourself know who you really is. No one know who other is, because that's a understanding only for those who really know who they are.

I've made peace with my past and I am less judgemental against myself. Even though I still experience fear of unworthiness. But I affirm to myself that I am good enough and that I love myself as I am.

It was a long process, but it was worth the hour spend on reading books that nurture my soul. When you are in to seek the truth, freedom and love, you will eventually find it. It could take some times before you get to where you want to be, but that is worth it, because you be so much at ease with yourself eventually. So don't be afraid to ask for help, especially God. You can always ask Him for help. Prayers makes wonder in your life. How do I know it? Because I asked God for help. I was nearly on my knees and in a position for praying. I prayed to Him and asked for assistance, and it came. Rushing through the night, when stars are above me. He send me angels in disguise of human beings. I saw the light at the end of the tunnel. I changed by their affection.

I'm lost in love, and it's such a wonder to be here. I will never want to leave this place. A place so full of forgiveness and love. I am a child of God, and He forgave me for what I have been through, and love me for who I am.

Anna Knows

Since the day you were gone, I have been thinking of you, but I was never sad, even though I missed all the things we went through together. I missed you and what we had. It's wasn't perfect, but we were building a solid foundation for our friendship, or so I thought. It was sad to see you go, I can't but keep wonder if I will ever see you again.

Everything that you told me about yourself was mostly what I myself had been through. You told me how difficult it was to be there for everyone; your friends and family. You said you didn't have enough energy to spend on others and you didn't know which side of the fence you're standing on when it comes to love. You were also tired of school, but you kept hanging in there, and I guess you still keep it up and do your best. The difference between us is that I'm giving up too easily, when you still hangs on to the most thing you set yourself up to do.

If I had the same willpower that you had, then maybe my life would be different by now. It's not that I complain or anything, I'm doing fine with what I have right now, so there's not much to complaining about. 

Everything is so faint now, memories about you keeps flickering in my mind. Memories, they belong to the past and I think I should keep it there since moving on is my only option.

Anna would know how I feel. She knows that I'm spending my time thinking of you. The thought about you mesmerized me. I thought about our kiss and the tingling sensation when you brush your fingers through my hair or a simple touch of your hand would send me to a far away galaxy. Anna knows all this.

I have been talking to her, so, Anna knows.