Dear followers,
I'm staring at this blank page, which staring back at me, waiting for me to type... but I don't know what to say to be honest. It's already December the 7th, and not long till we reach 2017. I remember I made some new year's resolution, let me remind you of the list:
The list:
1) Quit smoking
2) Quit drinking alcohol
3) Self Love
4) Be more honest
5) Help people
6) Socialize with positive people
7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency
Let us go through the list together. First of, quit smoking, sadly to announce to you, I still smoke, but I try my best to smoke at least 5 cigarettes a day since the third time I decide to quit. I'm trying to smoke less, and reduce it to the minial afterwards. Hopefully I will quit all together after awhile.
2) Quit drinking alcohol, well, I drank on Sunday and threw up badly, and I'm sure I won't do it again, this time I really muster all the discipline I have to quit drinking, even though I'm not alcoholic. I just can't see the benefits in drinking anymore and I really dislike the feeling of dizziness and I can't "control" my body when the alcohol surge through my body.
3) Self love, I'm a bit better of loving myself and set boundaries when needed. It's hard actually since the feeling of not worthy comes up, mostly when I'm in love, and right now I'm in love with someone incredible, I just hasn't told her yet. But my insecurity pops up every now and then. It feels awful to think that the person you like doesn't like you, just because they are slow on replying or ignoring your text and maybe doesn't give you the attention you want, but don't worry, I'm working on it. Self-love is important, but so difficult to achieve because criticizing yourself is much easier when you think you are doing something wrong, than accepting your mistake and move on.
4) Be more honest, yes, I master this very well, I'm not afraid to speak up and tell them what's on my mind. I'm not being honest to be mean, I'm doing my best to make it sounds less hurtful, even though truth hurts. When my friends annoys me, I will let them know why and how they annoyed me, and I will put in a few words that it's not their problem more like my problem, if I feel offended I will let them know I feel offended and ask them what they really mean. So being honest has been a challenge for me as a people-pleaser, but that's a thing of the past, I have changed a lot, and I'm more happy when I'm being honest. It clears my conscience and I sleep better that way.
5) Help people, yeah, I have been helping people a lot. I started with people that are close to me. I'm offering a listening ears to my friends and family. Especially my friends. I had this one friend I was listening to every time she calls me. I was doing my best, but sometimes I would like to step back and create space between us so I'm not overwhelming myself with her insecurities and negativity. She always complained about how bad people treated her, and I always try to make her see a different perspective, but as I gave her a shot of positivity, I become drained. So when I pull back and wanted to have space, and I even explained to her why I needed it, but it made her reacted like she was the victim, and she even asked me what kind of friend I was if I couldn't be there for her when she needs me, and the worst part was, she attacked me for being impolite, disrespectful and unthankful, because she sent me a gift, (which I say thank you over a sms, but it wasn't enough) and I didn't call her to say thank you. I explain to her that thankfulness is given by being friends with each other, the reward is the friendship itself, and not just a petty thank you for a gift that I didn't ask for in the first place, it's not a one time thank you and finish. I gladly accept the gift, because it was her gesture of kindness, but I didn't meet her expectations, and I felt that I can't handle drama with a person who just see herself as a victim, even though I try my best to understand and listen to her. I even wrote an email to explain things, and see if we could patch things up and continue being friends, but she couldn't meet me with understanding, she couldn't see my point of view, I had to let her go. And I'm not sad about it, I just hope she will find happiness.
One time I help an old man; I was at the bus station, and holding my phone, and this old man saw me holding my phone and then he asked if he could borrow it so he could call someone important, he said the numbers and I dialed them (at first I felt an uneasy feeling, a slight of fear, because helping a stranger was not something I do everyday and it was a bit uncomfortable, because I started to think what if he would tricked me or something, I was scared, but decide to help him anyway), it was ringing, and he talked to the person on the other line, it wasn't a long conversation, I wasn't sure what the person on the other line was saying, but this old man wanted to call someone else, so I dialed the numbers again and let him talked on the phone again. A few seconds after he was finished he asked me to dial a 10 numbers, I was skeptic, because Norwegian phone number has only 8 numbers, but I dialed it anyway, and to my expectation it didn't go through. He was sure he remember the correct number and has always used it, sadly my bus arrived and I had to go, so I couldn't help him any further. When I sat down on my seat I thought of the old man, and hoped someone would help him.
Helping people is something we always want to do, but with so many skeptical thoughts, or maybe bad experiences that we feel it's a catch or a danger to help people, so mostly we turn our back when a stranger really needs our help. But I think things are about to change, so many people are coming together to rebuild this world, make it a better place to everyone of us.
6) Socialize with positive people, I have met many positive people and I do socialize with many of them, it's a delight to hang out with people that can make you see things differently and be more optimistic about your life and everything else. But I have become so positive about my life that I might have affect people in a way I wasn't aware of. Many of my friends has told me that they feel more safe to be themselves, and that I have taught them a lot about themselves, people and the world, even though I didn't mean to teach them anything. So it's not just hanging out or socialize with positive people, you have to be positive yourself if you want to affect people around you with positivity. Everyone needs positive upliftment once in a while, and the best thing about seeing life in a positive way, and the best way is to affect people by doing nothing, it's enough because of your existence.
7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency, I'm not sure if I vibrate in a higher frequency, but I think I have been working on decluttering my mind a lot that I have seen positive change in my life. I have suddenly decided to not eat meat, and becoming a vegetarian. That thought came to me very unexpected, because becoming a vegetarian hasn't crossed my mind before, I never thought about it, but that night I was so sure, because I felt it was a right thing to do. It happened last week, so it's actually very fresh, I haven't eat meat since then and happy with my choice, as I said, it felt right to do it.
Another thing is, I'm more impulsive when it comes to ideas. My mind is so clear that I can detect a good idea and make it into reality. And most time, I succeed in bringing a smile to the person that inspired me in the first place.
And... I have stop drinking coffee.. I don't know why, but it's not as tasty as it was before, I'm more into tea now. It's not relevant to this declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency thing, but I wanted to mention it. LOL.
So, how would next year be like? I hope for more change, become more confident, and vibrate higher in frequency so I can achieve unconditional love. I desire to accept myself fully and wholeheartedly. Would be so good to be an imperfect human perfectly; to just accept all the aspect of myself, even the insecurity.
Stay tune.
Blessing
Miracle
Miracle
