Remember

Are we running in circle each time we meet someone new to fall in love with? Does we ever love even though the previous relationship doesn't work out? Maybe love is love no matter with who we experience it with. 

Love, a word that is easy to say and read, but is it easy to show? Is it easy to keep? Maybe the word love makes us running in circle with no end, since there's no ending point in a circle. I have a burning desire to understand how love really works between humans. Questions upon questions on how it start in a human heart. Even though I understand the love that a soul inhabit, I know a soul loves unconditionally, no matter who or what, it will never ask another soul to give what they can't give. A soul have no doubt or fear that it will never be loved, because it knows that God's love are the evident in why it was born from the first place. While human relationship is full of doubt and compromises. Human relationship start with; If I give my heart to you, I expect you to behave in a certain way so that I can be happy. It's full of conditions and attachment, while the soul love without conditions and no attachment to another soul. 

I want to remember how it is to love as a soul and not as a body with full of fear and uncertainty. Why is that human love has so many limits? Most relationship start with butterflies in the tummy and end with bitterness and even hate for another. Why is that they say they stop to love when a relationship ends? Don't they know that they have always loved, because they are not just a body, they are the soul. A soul loves endlessly, some humans are lucky, because they remember that they are souls and not just a body. That's why they can love endlessly without ceasing to stop for a moment when they know that the other have to return to another realm of reality. 

The illusion of separation in this world is sometimes too real, so real that people are afraid they will lost another if they can't keep them in their life or relationship. I have experience that feeling, I was once in that illusion and thought it was the reality, but I have experience unconditional love, the truest form of love is to freely be who I am. I don't mean personality, I mean being the love that I am, in truth we don't need words to justify ourselves to another, we only need to recognize the love that we are and give ourselves the privilege to be loved by God, a divine force of love. It encircled inside our heart, but sometime we are to hung up with the illusion that we forget to really feel the truth in our heart. 

Humanity must remember that they are soul in a journey to remember who they really are so that they can experience the love that they are. The whole univers is dwelling inside them, why can't they be happy without materials things and see the illusion for illusion?

I AM, LOVE. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Love Is A Gift

In this moment I'm peaceful and excited to carry out my plans for the coming months. I feel so overwhelmed by this joy and blessing. And just to share an ounce of my love with someone I care about makes me truly happy. All I wish to do is to spread love all around me without expectation to receive anything back. 

Remember that love ask nothing for itself, unless it's love. 

I'm so overwhelmed with this unconditional love that I'm unable to sleep, so I turned my macbook on and share this feelings with you. 

I jotted down my ideas on how the gift should be like, and I have an intention to be done with it after two months. I can't share what I'm going to make yet, since my friend might go into my blog and read it. When I'm done with it, I will let you know how it went and if she likes it or not. I cross my fingers that she would love it. 

To receive something from someone is equally important as giving something to someone. No matter who we give it to, or receive it from, there is a joy in giving and receiving.. It's a flow of gratitude and blessings. Because when you give and that person receive with happiness, you are being affected by their happiness as well. It's a genuine feeling. Sometimes it's the thoughts that counts, so make it happen, if you have an idea on making someone happy, do it. Because chances are that they need it and you need it too. 

Keep the flow of love going in full spirals. 

Blessings

Miracle

Love, Immensely Powerful

So we all have some issue, some troubled thoughts, a chattering mind that make us crazy anxious and tired. What if we don't know how to turn negative thoughts to positive one? And lost the willingness to stay positive, and what if we just want to lie down and cry our eyes out? Why wouldn't it be ok. To just sit with the feeling of hopelessness, sit through the bad times and start to understand why we feel it that way? Why can't we find an understanding to our feelings? Maybe there's no explanation to it, but there might be a reason for those feelings to erupt. And it's surely not something we need to hide and be a shame of. It's not something we need to reject, because it's a part of us, it's how we are made. With feelings and emotions we are more of a human than robots and machines. 

When we sit through the worst time and start to acknowledge our feelings without judgment we will find a better understanding about ourselves; we are love. So why can't we just be ourselves with others by being honest about how we feel without trying to manipulate others to give us what we think we need to feel loved? We are love, and isn't God love? If we are love and God is love, wouldn't it make us; God? We don't need to be fix, we are complete and whole, because there is nothing wrong with being God. The power of God is love. Hence we are what we are; love, immensely powerful.

Blessings

Miracle

God; Love; Me; ... Us

It all begin with a hallow space in the heart, and the soul seems to just shrink in size which couldn't fit in the hollow space in the heart at all. It was too small, it didn't fit in, but get swallowed completely and so the soul disappear. I search for a while, but didn't know what I was searching for. 

First and foremost, I tried to find the meaning to life by walking in my parents shoes, but somehow it didn't fit me. I stumble while having them on, I fell several times since it was too big for my feet and I almost crawl, hell yes, I did crawl. I thought meaning to life was to sacrifice myself, in hope to find myself useful for my parents, but then I got myself lost in the role I played as a daughter. I spent my time trying to impress them, doing things that I thought might fill my heart; that hollow space which seems to swallow everything I came across. It swallowed my role as a daughter as well and being obedient and respectful towards my parents with much higher authority than me was less satisfying than I thought, because it means I have to swallow my pride and my voice for justice against them. There were so many things I would want to do, but I was restricted to do them since they fear I might fail in the process of doing them. There weren't room for failure and I didn't get to learn to stand up for myself and make my own choice. Wearing their shoes and walking theirs path was tiring, because I didn't get to be a child with wonder and curiosity, I had to grow as fast as I could so the shoes will fit me... I had to play my role as a obedient daughter.

One day, I was to beat up and tired that I resigned my duty as a daughter and wander across the ocean to find myself. A pilgrimage to find something to fit that hallow space. I put aside the meaning of life and search for love. I thought finding someone to give me love was easy, wasn't it just pleasing my beloved and give them everything I had and they will give me the love I need back? But before I could please and give I had to find my beloved. So I tried first with them boys, even though I felt that my heart wants girls, but my mind feared I might get to abnormal that no one in the end want to be with me, so I checked in with the boys, the cool type and mr.popular, but I find it hard to open myself up, since that hollow space seems to swallow my feelings as well. I tried to suggest a date here and there, but none of them was interested. One particular guy said I was a bit ugly so he refused to date me and didn't even want to hang out or be my friend. I looked in the mirror and believed him, I was ugly, I was a teenager without nice clothes and make up, I wasn't like the other girls, I was label the odd one. Miss ugly didn't get a date, I played that role too. I feared to show my face and become shy and introvert that it was difficult to talk to me, and since I was taught to swallow my voice I didn't say much to anyone. I believed them that I was ugly. 

I checked out, didn't want to try the boys anymore, they gave me bad vibes. I moved on to the girls, but not openly. I tried the internet and was open and somewhat myself. Finally, I met someone online. She was ok, a vietnamese and we met, I wasn't in love with her, but she liked me and we end up dating and become a couple. Hurray I thought, finally I have found love, but I didn't know that it was not what I had in mind. It was difficult, suddenly the hallow space started to spit out my feelings (more like emotions). I got jealous and worried because of something she said with her friends and since I already felt that I wished to share them with her, but it didn't end so good since she broke up with me. We met online and I got dumped online *shaking head*. I was devastated and broken and wished the hollow space would swallow me in as well, but it didn't... I got stuck. 

Weeks passed and I got somewhat better and felt that I still have hope, I was done playing the role of an unpopular and ugly girl. Even though I was broken, I still believed that something could change my appearance, that was why I was willing to try make up. I found magic in make up and started to trust my creativity, I painted my face as beautiful as I could, got my brows plucked and wear comfy stylish clothes. I snapped picture of me here and there, in many different angle and then uploaded them on my profile. I felt somewhat satisfied, because there were girls who wanted to meet me, they gave me compliments and I had so much fun dating online that I forgot the brokenness for while. 

In my heart, I still believe that love was everything even though that hollow space become bigger as I grow up. In my mind I still believed I should find my beloved so that she will fill the void in that hollow space... I was wrong and to be honest, I met countless of girls, but my void was emptier than before. None of them was my true beloved, none of them could fill my void, earthly love was difficult to attain. So much sacrifice for nothing and my emotions started to build up. I become weary and burned out because of the pilgrimage that I stopped walking entirely and started to cry. Salty tears that I tasted was truly healing, because I felt once I let the hollow space be hollow I could accept that I couldn't fill it with earthly love, duty and playing roles I wasn't suited for. I was done with sacrificing. I wanted to understand and attain true love and I wished to feel free.

Many years passed and I met people on my path, they all taught me valuable things I could use for later. I abandon earthly love and was in frantic search for freedom. Fortunately, I met this man. This particular man thought me to unlock my heart so I could dive into my hollow space. The void which was empty was no longer terrifying. Emotions from that void was living there in that hollow space. He taught me to be myself, to let go of judgment and turned negative thoughts to positive one, he taught me to be honest about my feelings and open myself up for the possibilities to feel loved, and no one was needed to fill that void or fit in that hollow space... I didn't need anyone, the beloved was myself, the beloved was God. If God was in there, and I'm the beloved, wouldn't I be; God? 

Being myself, honest and open, means being love in action, and if it's love then it's naturally to attract like minded, all I need to remember is that I'm love. My soul magically appear, it didn't shrink as I thought it did, it was maybe so big that I couldn't see it, not until I was allow to while diving my head first into the hollow space. My soul didn't disappear, I just couldn't see it with my heart close. I had to plunge into my hollow space and open my heart to see it. It was miraculously unbelievable to finally feel loved and become one with that hollow space. I was finally home, and now I can accept the role that suited me best. Godly words can't describe how much of a Goddess I am. God; love; Me; ...US. 

Blessings

Miracle 

A Jar of Love

I fill the pages with my feelings, fold it and put it in an envelope, which I never send. I have so many things I want to say, but left unspoken. All that I desire are put inside a jar I bury deep inside my heart. I'm afraid that if I utter the unspoken words my dreams would be chase away and my reality will be obscured. I can't live without my dreams nor my reality, because both of them fuel my soul to continue this journey I have embark upon ages ago.

The voyage become beautiful by each passing day, colored with the feelings I have for you. I seek for the truth and the love I thought I never had, but in reality, love is something truthfully; Love is you and you is me. An eternal could be a blink of the eyes or it can be months and years, but my eternal has been to wait for you. Hours, days and months flied swiftly along the years, and still you are not there. 

If those unspoken words which are left unsaid can bring you back, then I will

surely and gladly send it to you. For the hope I have is beyond the limits of my fear to be abandon and rejected by you.

Blessings

Miracle

Twin Flame Reunion

One day when you discover your soul, you will return to me, because your soul and mine soul are made from the same substance. We are one soul in two different bodies, but our connection has been made since the first time we were born from the sun. 

You have been denying it for a very long time now and you hide yourself from me, but I will always find you, because my heart feels your heart. Our beating hearts resonate on the same level. As time pass us by I become restless by "waiting" for your return and this restlessness made me want to turn my back on you and let go of the "waiting". I want to forget that "waiting" and just turn my attention to myself, only that wherever I turn I will always find something that reminds me about you, my soul keep nudging me to wait for your arrival. 

The full moon become crimson when I looked at it the last time, and your face was etched inside my mind long ago the last time I saw you. You always come to me at night in my dreams, secretly telling me you will be coming back soon, back into my arms where you belong. And so I kept waiting. 

I heard that waiting could halt your arrival, I thought about it, and maybe it's true, I need not to wait for something I know will soon become reality, that it's not only fantasy or dreams, but something that can be manifest faster if I just be busy with something else. 

That's why I'm letting go of the "waiting".

Welcome back, darling, you are always mine.

Blessings

Miracle

Appreciation

Happiness is in your smile, because of you I'm not lonely. You are a flower I want to water, someone I cherish deep inside my heart. I'm grateful for your existence, I never knew that it is so simple to be happy just because I know you are somewhere in this world... somewhere not far from me. I rejoice that we are bound together by an invincible thread. Even if we are separate, living in two separate worlds, the thread will never break. 

You are you, with an overdrive mind, a sharp intuition, you have your experiences to decode, something not easy to solve by yourself, but you are still beautiful in a way that takes my breath away, and honey, I want to embrace you so hard that all your pieces stick back together. Even though, I might be overprotective sometimes and I'm not the wisest in this world, but I'm a sage descent from a place you never know exist. 

Our souls connection is proven to be solid and remarkable strong. If we ever drift apart, the univers will possibly direct us back together for a special purpose, maybe a way to help us both to find our strength to continue living this life that sometimes is mundane and boring, but life is a mystery we both know we can't solve unless we live it.

Don't be afraid, this is just love and nothing but love, in the purest form you will ever feel in your deepest soul. 

Blessings

Miracle 

The Way Of Love and God's Love

To love is to dive deeper in that ocean, to allow yourself to feel the electricity to encircle your entire body. Your soul are aching to share the love that you are. When you fear love, you are hallucinating and believe that you will get hurt if you open yourself to receive it, but to love someone so deeply and truly is sometimes scary, because you might imagine the worst to happen. You fear the death of the ego, that you will loose yourself if you are not in control of your emotions, but as we all know, love is the greatest gift God has given us.

To control yourself from feeling love and to share it, is to close the door to your heart and when someone come and knock at your door, you will get emotional and mixed feelings, maybe you don't know if you are ready to open that door. Open it in spite of your fear, if you manage to get emotional then it's a sign that you are somewhat ready to hear the massage from the messenger, it's God's angel, profet who come at your door to bring you the gift from God. 

God communicate through your heart, He might speak in words or feelings, and to accept your feelings and listen to it, you are accepting His message and you will become alive again to be able to feel your own love emanate from your soul. To be loved from someone you love will shaken you up, mending you, liberates you, and the demon that hold you back from falling in love is your ego. The risk might be big, you might loose yourself, but if you don't risk to get hurt, then you will not truly know love. Maybe loosing yourself is to find the true you, because have you not been wearing the mask to hide your true face or been brought up with wicked rules to follow. So wicked that you might have lost your innocent and pure self? Maybe you will find your pure and innocent self again while walking in circle and loosing your way? Go wild with the thought of love, let the stars pull your hair and heart lead you back to the first time you was in your mother bosom. Drink of that elixir and feel the strong arms that lift you up higher. 

Love is not painful, but the thought of getting abandon and to get hurt is painful, it's overwhelming to love so deep that you might think if you don't possess that one person you will not truly be happy or feel lovable, but no one or thing is your possession. Feelings that isn't been reciprocate are not because you are not enough or worthy of love, but not everyone suits you or meant to be in your possession,  and no one should be in your possession, because they are owning themselves and they are free. 

Be rigid in your desire to know yourself, be unyielding and have strong faith in yourself enough that when you love someone, they feel free to be themselves. Don't hope to be loved by anyone else beside you, because your love for yourself is the core to your soul, it's the light to lighten up the dark so you won't stumble on your path to the understanding of unconditional love for yourself and the world. And mostly the understanding of God's love for everything and everyone. 

The lover keep no secret from her lover, only if she doesn't love herself and yet it seems like she is a mystery to solve since she doesn't show a sign of emotion for those who are after to take over her soul. Secrets are for those who is afraid to be judge for being who they really are and for most of humanity, it might have become a habitual way of living. They fear to be condemn, but secretly yearn to be loved as the way they are. We all are love in action, only if we come to that realization we will be more free and open to receive and share ourselves to others.

Try not to keep a secret or telling lies to God or your lover, because God knows, and your lover will find out, because truth can't be kept. Don't try to change the way God loves you, because His way is more sufficient than yours, and you will approve and accept the way your lover loves you. There's no partnership if we don't regard the lover as our partner. Relationships of all kind spring from the lover, for in friendship we find loyalty, in parents we find unconditional love, in brotherhood we find strong bond and so the lover loves from her being, she possess all the characters from the time she began on her search for true love, and she doesn't divide her lover from God. Because her lover is her God. 

Throw yourself in that ocean and let yourself sink deep, and if you die, let it be the death of the ego. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Our Beliefs Creates Our Reality

Have you ever ponder about love? Have you ever ask yourself what love is? I don't completely know what love is, even though I sure have been in love many times, but maybe it was more like attraction than love, this is something I still ponder about. There are many types of love in this world; parents love to their children, siblings love, couples love, love for humanity, love for animals. All these kinds of love could boil down to Union Love for all, but these types of love are not at all difficult to understand as couples love. I'm sure we all adults and teenagers has a problem to understand this kind of love. Do we maybe confuse love with attraction?

Why does the belief of this kind of love make it so difficult to understand? I mean, why when we fall in love with someone, and after being in relationship or even before being with them all these emotions start to rise above the surface and make it difficult to attain peace?  My beliefs about relationship is that you can only love one person at a time and I shouldn't be playing with people's feelings, and that they should show their love through actions if they really loves me or behave in a certain way that shows their love is true. These beliefs are not that bad as the belief of many others who think that once they are with someone, their partner become a property. 

I have a habit of thinking wrongly that when the person I like would stop liking me because something seems to change in their behavior or they seems to detach themselves from me. I had the beliefs of being invaluable and unworthy thus thinking that I'm not loved or worth to be like from someone else. Emotions and feelings start to rise and peace are being rob off. It's so damn hard sometimes not to leave the "thinking" aside, overanalyze and overthinking, but I learn over time that I eventually have to change my beliefs. 

In our beliefs arise feelings, from feelings to action, from action to a result or maybe a consequence. And because of our beliefs we have to take responsibility for our reaction and consequences. I know that in changing my beliefs about myself will help me to experience love in a new way. I'm not saying that what I do will work for you, but as I had gone through the process of changing my beliefs and love myself more, I have been able to relax more and not over dramatize the situation. In the end, I think that couples love seems difficult because we can't escape from the feelings that rise above the surface. Our partner didn't place those feelings inside of us, those feelings were already there for us to acknowledge them, and maybe that's why it seems so difficult to understand our partner when we are in the midts of the storm that rages inside of us. 

Relationship serve a purpose in our lives, whether good or bad, they are a good way for us to finally find all the barriers that kept us from love. We could either act as a victim or rise above it and claim our power to change ourselves. Beliefs are also possible to change, but you have to be strong willed and determined once you want to change your beliefs. When your beliefs start to trouble you face it head on, and examine it carefully if what you believe in is true or not, don't forget that what you resist presist and what you look at will disappear. 

Do your best to attain peace.

Blessings

Miracle

The Way of Living In Peace And Harmony

The waiting and the longing, both are like a burden, tormenting the aching heart. Let it not be a silent rage inside your soul, but express it creatively. Do what you can, but never keep it intact in your mind. 

Bold are the one who can cry, not because of pity for themselves, but silent tears to release the sadness from the heart. To fully live is to fully experience the color of our emotions. Not everyone experience them in calmness, but who said we couldn't go on a rampage or make it dramatic? 

Your life and my life may be different from each other, but truth is we are experiencing the same feelings and emotions, only to react in a different way. Whichever way we react in is not closely important as to understand the consequence of it. And so we venture on an adventure to collect pieces of our soul that we have lost from the beginning of time. Standing still or moving on, we have the choice to choose the life we want for ourselves. Nobody is entirely right, nobody has die from being wrong. So why can we live together in peace and harmony? 

Blessings
Miracle

Accept Yourself Is To Love Yourself

After being in love for countless of times, I figured out that I have been suppressing my feelings and they have become heavy emotions that was hard to control. Every time something trigger my emotions I couldn't help but cry about it. Even though tears are remedy to release those emotions I still couldn't love myself, because I loathed the way I suppress my feelings, I hate that I couldn't express them in a positive manner since I tended to push everyone away. All I could do then was to sit alone crying in a corner and felt like I was the victim of the situations. The consequence of my action was loneliness and self loath.

After my wake-up call, and many years later I become more aware of the way I treat myself. It took me a decade to understand that loving myself wasn't about loving others the way I want them to love me. Loving myself was to actually just loving myself and not wanting for acceptance or love in return. I'm not being a narcissist, I'm reasonable, I do give love and concern when my friend and family needs me to listen to them, but I don't let them misuse my trust or kindness. Being kind is not a sign of weakness, but to respect all with the same amount of respect to myself.

I understand that when someone come to me with a problem or sadness, it's not because they want me to help them solve their problems, but to love them unconditionally and accept them for what they bring with their problems. I'm aware that they want me to love and accept their emotions no matter what feelings they might bring forth in the conversations.

I develop a strategi to help them get through their dark time by being attentive with what they have to tell me. As I help by listening I also develop a sense of detachment. I detach myself from their problem and never let it surpass my faith of letting them solve their own problems. Everyone needs to learn how to trust themselves and how to face their problems as it is their life and what they want to do is important for them to understand themselves better. What they need isn't a problem solver, but compassion and kindness from their fellow humanity.

I do deem myself as a lover, a friend, a family for those who come in contact with me. Because being a family for someone who needs my time is something humanity needs right now at this particular time, but I don't mean that I will give away my time if someone is to waste it. Even though I don't judge people for what they do and say, but I do care for how they treat me, because I can't afford to loose my self-respect by letting them toy with me by being careless of how they treat me. I am after all  a human being as well, I do have my ups and downs, but I'm better at handle my emotions and feelings now than before. I can say that I love myself more than I use to.

So how do you love yourself? First we have to look into the way we love other, what kind of love do you want for yourself, is how you love yourself and that's how you will love other. Love can range from unconditional to conditional. The type of love I want for myself is unconditional, it means that I want the one I love to give me the freedom of being myself and let me express my feelings without being judge. Unconditional love is rare and most difficult to attain since we are programmed to think that if someone love us, they have to meet up with our expectations. While unconditional love is more unexpected. Unconditional love is to give without asking, wanting and expecting for it to be returned. Unconditional love is to be selfless, while attaining the desire to be loved back with the same amount without being disappointed. What I mean is the desire to be loved back is also important while loving someone, but that desire is not negative, because in this world, self-love has been something very rare which we don't experience in another human being. So to love someone we must love ourselves.

While we desire that love to meet up with our expectations we have to detach ourselves from the petty desire of being love back, and that's how divine love is in action. That's were unconditional love come into play. Second, loving ourselves, is to love our emotions, our being, our negatives side as our positive one. Loving ourselves is to love our way of being a human being with flaws and mistakes. We have to love ourselves without judging the way we are. It could be difficult if we don't forget what we have been taught in our childhood. That love must be earned by doing good deeds, running errands and behave in a certain way. Our parents taught us to be obedient, to listen to their requests and sometimes even punish us if we don't do as they said or give them what they needed, no matte what it was, sometimes we felt that it was never enough no matter how much we tried to please them and from then our love has been restricted and twisted, so when we meet someone we love, we apply the same rules. In our subconscious we still give the people we love an ultimatum, they have to meet up with our standar even though we accidentally love them without being conscious about it. After awhile we might unconsciously love them because they behave in a certain way, but when they don't meet up with up with our standar, we become angry, sad, depress and agitated. We loose our natural state of love, and that is to love unconditionally. We might choke them with our emotions and in the end if things go bad, they even run away from us because they feel they lost their freedom or couldn't handle the intense atmosphere. They might even feel that we have changed; we wasn't the same person they first met and fell in love with.

What I want you to understand is that self-love is the only love you can give yourself so you won't feel unloved once someone doesn't behave the way they use to or how you want them to behave. Self-love is the only real love you can give yourself so you won't suffer from a heartbreak, even though is saddening to loose someone. I remember this quote that fit perfectly in this post; You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you.

Self-love and detachment from the person you love is the best remedy to not loose your self-respect or self-love, because once you detach from the person you love you won't feel the lost when things doesn't stick together. If you can't detach yourself from the one you love, then try at least to detach yourself from the situations, maybe an argument or something like being right. Whatever you choose, I hope you will find that kind of love that you want to be efficient in your life. And most important, accept yourself for who you are, that's the true love you can give yourself and everyone else.

Blessings
Mircale

The Approach By My Higher Self, A Way To Enter The Soul.

Tonight I decide to write something new. My life has take a turn, now I'm able to live a life without any worry for money, and from today onwards I will do my best to love myself more. I'm not saying that I have become rich, because of some personal reason I don't need to work anymore. Thanks to the well fare system here in Norway.

5 years ago my life was turned upside down. The approach from my higher self change my whole life completely. My "wake-up call" was activated, and it was quite dramatic and abrupt. Somehow I was ready to take on the mission and ascend to the 4D vibration and even now 5D vibration. That whole week I was rather emotional and could cry over the lost Mother Earth felt about herself, just by reading a channeling from Her. That week I felt like writing, but never knew that what I wrote was a channeling from my higher self and my guides from the above. It was completely amazing week. I was so in tune with the universe and I started to be more emphatic. 

I encountered many lovely souls who helped me to translate most of my channeling from Norwegian to English, and one particular night, I felt my kundalini rose while reading an article regarding the spiritual path, my spine felt warmth and tinge ling, it wasn't uncomfortable hot, but a nice warm feeling rose from the bottom of my spine and up to my neck. I have read about kundalini, and believe that mine was activated that night.

Everything I felt and wrote was so touching, and my higher self wanted to make sure that I know about my true identity, the whole team of my spirits guides was always with me, even during that time and they wanted me to ascend. It was hard to remember my identity, but at last I made it, but before I understand what it means to love myself, I went through a lot of heart ache, pain and suffering. That day I cried my lungs out and couldn't stop. It was so intense. 

When I lied there on my bed that night, I had the feeling that my soul was being dragged out of my body, and in my head I heard several voices cheering me on. They wanted me to ascend so much, but I had to do it myself, I had to remember who I was.. (or am) ..anyway, after feeling that my lips went dry and my soul dragged out one or twice I felt that I was upset, so I stand up, and started to speak loudly, I spoke to those voices I heard in my head. I was so determined and angry about everything that I have been through. I spoke to them with authority and didn't intend to go back to the old ways. 

After being so emotionally drained, I lied down again and suddenly I heard a sweet voice, it's like my twin flame talking to me, but actually it was my higher self. She asked me to love myself, but I didn't knew what it really means to love myself, I thought love means to have sex, but that wasn't the case, love has nothing to do with sex. And then I suddenly remember who I was when I said to myself these words "Crystallize butterfly, butterfly crystallize." The true meaning behind those words was that I'm a crystallize butterfly. It was my identity, even though my higher self jokingly said that I tend to forget, I felt this love for myself truly. I was this forgetful crystallize butterfly who likes to rhyme and write poetry. 

To remember my true soul was amazing! I cried happy tears and couldn't stop myself from smiling. And because of this happening, the activation of my "wake-up call" had made me to be a schizofrenic paranoia in the eyes of those we call doctors and therapist. They claimed that I was sick and in need of medication. I was actually reluctant to be drugged down and got sad because what I went through has become something they mean was unreal. But in the end, I succumb to their opinion about me and started to use medication. And I still use them till now. It was meant to subside my symptoms and stop the psychosis they said. Unwilling to take those medication, I had to put my ego aside and let them treat me. Maybe I need those drugs to be grounded, so whatever it was, I had to go through with the plans my higher self has made for me. 

Beside from that label, another problems arose. An idiotic phobia called phagophobia has made it hard for me this few years. Phagophobia; Fear of swallowing. Yes, I'm afraid to swallow solid foods, and always had to choose foods that is fluid, I can drink water and other beverages just fine, and I also drink nutrition shake (an energy drink). For those thing I can swallow just fine. After awhile for not eating properly, I started to loose weight. Loving myself then wasn't easy, because I got so frustrated and on the verge of given up, but my doctor and therapist always encourage me to eat soup and drink nutrition shake so that I don't loose energy. I did as they told me, and let things solve out themselves, that I might one day eat properly again. 

The bad news is that I'm still afraid to swallow solid foods and haven't gain a bit of weight at all, but the good news is because of this silly "illness" and phobia I can now rest and live a free life without having to worry about my income. I'm glad I live in Norway, and I think this was also planned out by my higher self. I just hope to get on with my mission as soon as possible, but in the mean time, I will do my best to love myself more so that I can vibrate in 5D unconditional love. 

I want to help the world, I want to bring more light and positivity and love to this world. This blog is a way to start spreading the good news about ascension and I want to also enter my Soul by loving myself. I hope you also start to love yourself more than you already do, because you can never love yourself enough... be extravagant about it, just don't become selfish and narcissistic. Otherwise, love yourself truly, I will write more about how I begin to love myself more, maybe it will help giving you an idea on how to love yourself. 

Blessings

Miracle.

Be Free

Ripple after ripple, overflowing with feelings.. emotion, static and motionless. Emotional outburst. Seeing the way with blind eyes, sensing the path with the heart. Stars upon stars circling, twirling around the globe. 

Painting the heart with scars from past events, cracks from the scars opens up light to shine from the soul. Earth needs the sun like I need you. Roaring for attention, but mute when it comes to pain.

I delight and enjoy the flower that blooms by the way side and quench my urge to pick them up and destroy them by the hands. They are beautiful as they are even though they may wither at last and remain as tight buds again in spring.

Spring came and went, so do feelings, they come and go after a dance with the broken heart. Nothing remain the same in eternity. Eternity is a word that longs to be spoken as love is for two couples in love. Eternity is a long time for lovers even if it was for a second. Time can't be measured for those who fully living in the knowing that love is all there is.

Farewell love, summer is over now, but we will meet again, and when that time comes, let us treasure our time together. Let the second become eternity when our eyes meet and our heart mend again from past hurts. Nothing as they say remain the same, maybe we become old, but our soul will always stay young. The soul is wise enough for us to trust it to gives us meaning in the lives we lived.

Nothing would change for the soul, it already knows of the fairy tales that has been shown in our dreams. So, say again our hellos and hug the body tight against each other. We will never part, because we will live in that eternity once our seconds approach us in that single moment. For now, stay bold and be free.

The Unison

In between the hours of loneliness, I feel an attachment to you. You and I was once one, but we got split from each other to experience the 3D world as human beings, but somehow we still are one in some way, because our souls are twinning together in the spirit world. I can feel you as I'm here, even when I dream it seems so real. 

I search for you, every where I go my eyes keeps wander around to look for your presence. How can we be separated for so long and still feel the connection so strong? I hope for an answer, but from where I am, the answer seems so delusional. I hope not to figure out the mystery, however I hunger to understand the mystery we call life. 

I remember the feelings of union with my own soul. I rejoiced to be one with everything, and finally understood and accepted myself for who I was, a true remembrance of myself, my identity. I wish only if I could once again remember that feelings of acceptance and remembrance of myself. Just totally delight in the true being of who I am today. I want to continue the search for this true love that I once had for myself, and then I could love you as you are.

I love you in tears, I love you in denial, and I love you in the between the loneliness. I'm afraid that if I immerge myself so much in loving you that I might forget myself, but if loving you will leads me to the true understanding of love, then forgetting myself won't be a waste. I can see you with close eyes and I can feel you with even a close heart, you are in me, my soul belongs to you from the beginning of time, I have no choice but to be attach to you like skin on your flesh. All I ever wanted to do is to breathe you into my lungs so you can cooperate with my heart to help it beats a lovely song for all to hear. 

They will listen attentively to this song and remember once again about true love, true longing of birds that keeps coming back to the place where there always are spring and sunshine. They will listen fondly to the chirpring of joyful birds, singing in unison for a long lost love that finally reunited. 

Love With All Your Might

To fall in love is magical, but to stay in love is even better. I have seen when people sleep, in that moment I realize that they are so peaceful and innocence. They are in a state where they are completely vulnerable. You would never know what they harbor inside their heart or mind, it could be many different things; lost dreams, broken promises, guilt, shame and much more. And I think people with depression is having their worst nightmare when they are awake with such negatives thoughts; it destroy the tranquility and innocence with just an instant. 

Although they are in depression, but they still have moments where they are happy, joyful, and hopeful. They are not totally lost, but they doesn't know that. Not everything are dark and hollow as they think. You probably have been through it, or know someone who going through it. Whatever that might be, tell them, that their existence count and that they are never alone. Tell them that somewhere someone is waiting to crack their heart open so more light can enter. Someone out there is reaching out their hand, too, and welcome them into their embrace. We all have been upset, sad and broken, so why hide ourselves from each other? 

We all have been "sad-mad", because of our loneliness. We all have been the one who couldn't see the light and felt the emptiness where nothing could fill those hollow spaces. If we have been through it, and walk out alive, why wouldn't we help those who are now going through what we have been through. If we are to tired from walking alone and stumble in the darkness, we need someone who would come and save us by holding up a torch to light up the way so that we can see our path and remind us that we can always look up at the stars when it's dark. 

There are so many wonderful people out there who can motivate us and inspire us to keep going ahead or just slow down so we won't get stress out. I think we all need to remember that we aren't in a race and that we can go on with our own pace. Another thing that is important to remember is that we don't have a reason to love no matter what it is. Don't misunderstand me when I say you should love no matter what it is. If someone has delusion and feel the urge to kill to get a relief, and brain washed to believe that they love to kill, then it might be something they need to seek help for. If you love to do something that would harm yourself then it's delusional, a habit or just something you need to work on. No one is perfect, but there are always room to improve and never to late to start improving yourself.

By improving yourself it's crucial to accept yourself for who you are, by accepting who you are, you can forgive yourself for being imperfect. Forgive yourself for all your faults and all your imperfection. Understand that it will take some time to change, but never believe that you are less than anyone else, because you use a bit longer to change. The time you give yourself is necessary, and it doesn't matter how long it will take, as long as you give yourself permission to heal in the pace you feel it's right for you, I'm sure you will eventually turn your life up-side down and what's is better to finally love the person you are meant to be. 

We all needs love, and who else can love ourselves better than ourselves? As long as you love yourself, you will never feel the lack when someone is doing their best to love you with the ability they have. If someone feels the lack and insecurities with the love you give them, then forgive them, they, too, needs to be reminded that they need to pour more of that self-love into their heart.

Love with all your might, and that will be enough. 

Love

I want to talk less and listen more, I want to live instead of thinking, I want to make mistake so that I can learn, and most of all, I want to love with every ounce of my bones. 

I was in love so many times, but never knew that love was more than just falling in love, until I met her. To this day I still love her like I did back then. I was falling in love with her, and I could never experience such strong feelings for anyone than I felt for her. Just the thought of her being with someone else could bring tears to my eyes and pain in my heart. It was difficult each time we part, but still I couldn't hate her for "hurting" me, which she never did. She only brought the pain I had inside me so I could see it and release it, even though I have been "hurt" so many times, but really, it wasn't them who hurt me, the only thing that hurt me was my expectations of how things would be, it was all in my head. 

It was them and then it was her, and now it's only me. Yes, this time around I'm dedicating my love to myself. It's necessary for me to love myself, so that I can love anyone else. I want to feel that what they give me is enough, so that I could recognize their love behind their actions and behavior. I don't want to trust the words alone, but all that they give by their actions. I don't want to sit with my insecurities and doubt. I don't want to be blinded by fears, with eyes that see but couldn't feel. I want to see with my heart and feel with my soul. I want it, I desire it, it's the living force that fuel me to dream bigger, and now, desire must drop, and wanting must detach itself from my being, I must be one with my heart and soul. I must keep this promise close to my heart, that whatever that happens to me is an opportunity to grow and evolve. 

After all, all this was love and has always been love.

The Meaning of Being Alive

Sometimes I try to find a meaning to my life, but at some point I just feel like giving up or just ask God to give me a clue. I asked Him what I should do with certain things and I wondered if he actually hear me, but however I know that He would give me a meaning even if I didn't ask. 

It was hard to live a life where you couldn't see a point or meaning in what you were doing or even thinking. Like walking around with a body without any vitality, just exist but not really is "there" to realize that life was meaningful. I'm not sure why I thought my life was wasted or unworthy, and certainly I wasn't sure if being alive or exist has a meaning to anyone. I thought about it a lot and did my best to understand the meaning behind my existence. I beat myself up every time I couldn't find the answer, so I started to criticize myself for being useless, for being stupid etc. 

Being online had somehow given me a meaning to exist, because there I could be myself and took off my mask, because when someone asked me how I felt, I would be honest and actually share my feelings. I was an introvert, I didn't speak much, I wasn't popular at school, so I didn't have so many friends, but when I finally took a step outside my comfort zone, and getting to know more people, I become more sure about my abilities to care and be there for people, I got more friends. It was one particular girl that I bonded really fast. She was a friend of a friend and we got introduce to each other. I didn't thought that we would bond so fast, because we were different, but there were one thing we both have in common, it was our openness, she was herself from the beginning, she never make an excuse for being herself, she was also very friendly and I felt that I like talking to her. It was strange, because I have seen her once before, but never thought that we would ever meet or become friends. Anyway, we talked a lot and found out that we had a lot in common. After talking with her, and since I lived in another town, we started to write letters to each other. 

I felt I can be myself around her and I could tell her how I felt, for the first time without being online, but in real life. She accepted me and my behavior, though I never behaved poorly or bad. I was just being me that time with my emotions. It was a beginning of our friendship, that I also accepted her for who she was; we are best friends now, and we has always been open to each other about how we felt and neither one of us manipulate the other to feel bad about how we felt or who we was; I'm truly lucky to have her as my best friend.

So, now I really think about it again, about the meaning of my life. The first meaning God gave me for being alive and exist was my siblings, the second was my mom and the third was my best friend. After realizing how my existence affect them, I become more sure about life and its meaning. More and more meaning adds up in my life. I become more and more open about my feelings for other people, I'm not saying that I'm not scare to open myself up for people I like, I'm still afraid sometimes, but it doesn't hinder me to be myself or make me want to crawl back to my cave. I hit the balance between being an introvert and extrovert. Life is more interesting now, there's more meaning to it than never before. I'm sure that we exist for a reason, even though we couldn't understand it now, doesn't mean that we would never understand it. 

For those who are depress or alone, don't give up life to soon, even though I know it's hard, even harder to not thinking of killing yourself when the pain is taking over you and your loneliness become like a dark hole. Believe me, I was there, I was also a victim of my depression and the suicidal thought kept crossing my mind. It wasn't a day I didn't think of hating myself for being so depress or that I wasn't worthy to receive any love, but somehow I wasn't alone, I had myself, the person that who would never gave up on myself was me. It wasn't me alone who sticking up to me, a piece of the divine was with me and is still with me. God gave me His divinity, a source inside me and my motivator to keep me staying alive.

Don't freak out when I talk about God, He/She might not exist for you, but whatever it is you perceive to be the source of your life, believe it, have faith in it. Don't forsake your hope to believe that you also is meaningful and worthy of love and a healthful life. Take back your power, and look at yourself as someone worthy of your love, your life has a meaning the day your were conceived, don't forget to search for your meaning if you haven't found it, keep looking, those who search will eventually find it.

Thoughts of Nanushka

We do not have to rely

upon memories

to recapture the spirit

of those we have loved and lost -

they live within our souls

in some perfect sanctuary

which even death

cannot destroy -

From The Thoughts of Nanushka Vol VII-XII - Nan Witcomb

Go Ahead And Love

If loving someone, why being afraid to tell them? If wanting someone, why afraid to let them know? The thing we want the most is love, then why are we so afraid to show it? Your mind denied your affection for someone soul, it won't let you open up, because it threaten you, make you fearful, that you might be rejected for how you feel. 

If loving someone is to let them go, and not wanting to possess them as something you own, then you are one step up the ladder, you are loving unconditional. It's hard, but it's something worth trying. Your breath will be short, your heart will pound like crazy, your eyes might spill tears, but what is better than to love and be loved in return? Even though your love is unrequited, isn't it enough to just love without expectations and desire. 

But love without desire is mostly not passionate, if you love so much that your heart ache then it's the desire to love without any inhibition, you should honor that aching, a rose without thorns is not a rose. A love without desire is not love truly, even whatever that desire must be, but if it must be anything, then let that desire be to love without expectation, let it be unconditional. Because a long the line, you are just a soul experience a human form, but it's not impossible to love unconditional. You just have to learn the art of loving yourself, your feelings and your thoughts. If you are afraid to love, your heart will always direct you towards someone who will crack you open so that you can take a peek inside yourself and see that love is all there is.

Maybe to love is painful and hard, when the time spending together ends, but isn't it worth saving the memories and cherish time spend together? Love never end truly, but we just believe that this is the only life we have, but who know about the life after that or the life before that. Maybe we should let love decide our destiny. Whatever brought us here are watching over us. We must trust that love and have faith and patience with ourselves so that we might understand why we fear the thing we want the most. 

To persuade love to cleanse our pain and heartache are the only remedy we need to go on. What we fear the most, is what we need to love the most. Our fears aren't there for no reason. It learn us to honor our feelings, to not resist to face it and make it our friends instead of our enemies. Love is not complex, it's quite simple, the only reason is that our thoughts make it more difficult to understand our underlying fears towards it. While our heart paints our love with all the color it inhabit, our soul is eager to try once more and direct its love towards someone or something so we won't feel shallow or lonely. Go ahead, love with all your faults and imperfections, no one needs to know that you have feared to love or shed tears when glooming thoughts appear in your mind. 

Finding You