Remember

Are we running in circle each time we meet someone new to fall in love with? Does we ever love even though the previous relationship doesn't work out? Maybe love is love no matter with who we experience it with. 

Love, a word that is easy to say and read, but is it easy to show? Is it easy to keep? Maybe the word love makes us running in circle with no end, since there's no ending point in a circle. I have a burning desire to understand how love really works between humans. Questions upon questions on how it start in a human heart. Even though I understand the love that a soul inhabit, I know a soul loves unconditionally, no matter who or what, it will never ask another soul to give what they can't give. A soul have no doubt or fear that it will never be loved, because it knows that God's love are the evident in why it was born from the first place. While human relationship is full of doubt and compromises. Human relationship start with; If I give my heart to you, I expect you to behave in a certain way so that I can be happy. It's full of conditions and attachment, while the soul love without conditions and no attachment to another soul. 

I want to remember how it is to love as a soul and not as a body with full of fear and uncertainty. Why is that human love has so many limits? Most relationship start with butterflies in the tummy and end with bitterness and even hate for another. Why is that they say they stop to love when a relationship ends? Don't they know that they have always loved, because they are not just a body, they are the soul. A soul loves endlessly, some humans are lucky, because they remember that they are souls and not just a body. That's why they can love endlessly without ceasing to stop for a moment when they know that the other have to return to another realm of reality. 

The illusion of separation in this world is sometimes too real, so real that people are afraid they will lost another if they can't keep them in their life or relationship. I have experience that feeling, I was once in that illusion and thought it was the reality, but I have experience unconditional love, the truest form of love is to freely be who I am. I don't mean personality, I mean being the love that I am, in truth we don't need words to justify ourselves to another, we only need to recognize the love that we are and give ourselves the privilege to be loved by God, a divine force of love. It encircled inside our heart, but sometime we are to hung up with the illusion that we forget to really feel the truth in our heart. 

Humanity must remember that they are soul in a journey to remember who they really are so that they can experience the love that they are. The whole univers is dwelling inside them, why can't they be happy without materials things and see the illusion for illusion?

I AM, LOVE. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Twin Flame Reunion

One day when you discover your soul, you will return to me, because your soul and mine soul are made from the same substance. We are one soul in two different bodies, but our connection has been made since the first time we were born from the sun. 

You have been denying it for a very long time now and you hide yourself from me, but I will always find you, because my heart feels your heart. Our beating hearts resonate on the same level. As time pass us by I become restless by "waiting" for your return and this restlessness made me want to turn my back on you and let go of the "waiting". I want to forget that "waiting" and just turn my attention to myself, only that wherever I turn I will always find something that reminds me about you, my soul keep nudging me to wait for your arrival. 

The full moon become crimson when I looked at it the last time, and your face was etched inside my mind long ago the last time I saw you. You always come to me at night in my dreams, secretly telling me you will be coming back soon, back into my arms where you belong. And so I kept waiting. 

I heard that waiting could halt your arrival, I thought about it, and maybe it's true, I need not to wait for something I know will soon become reality, that it's not only fantasy or dreams, but something that can be manifest faster if I just be busy with something else. 

That's why I'm letting go of the "waiting".

Welcome back, darling, you are always mine.

Blessings

Miracle

Be Free

Ripple after ripple, overflowing with feelings.. emotion, static and motionless. Emotional outburst. Seeing the way with blind eyes, sensing the path with the heart. Stars upon stars circling, twirling around the globe. 

Painting the heart with scars from past events, cracks from the scars opens up light to shine from the soul. Earth needs the sun like I need you. Roaring for attention, but mute when it comes to pain.

I delight and enjoy the flower that blooms by the way side and quench my urge to pick them up and destroy them by the hands. They are beautiful as they are even though they may wither at last and remain as tight buds again in spring.

Spring came and went, so do feelings, they come and go after a dance with the broken heart. Nothing remain the same in eternity. Eternity is a word that longs to be spoken as love is for two couples in love. Eternity is a long time for lovers even if it was for a second. Time can't be measured for those who fully living in the knowing that love is all there is.

Farewell love, summer is over now, but we will meet again, and when that time comes, let us treasure our time together. Let the second become eternity when our eyes meet and our heart mend again from past hurts. Nothing as they say remain the same, maybe we become old, but our soul will always stay young. The soul is wise enough for us to trust it to gives us meaning in the lives we lived.

Nothing would change for the soul, it already knows of the fairy tales that has been shown in our dreams. So, say again our hellos and hug the body tight against each other. We will never part, because we will live in that eternity once our seconds approach us in that single moment. For now, stay bold and be free.

Love

I want to talk less and listen more, I want to live instead of thinking, I want to make mistake so that I can learn, and most of all, I want to love with every ounce of my bones. 

I was in love so many times, but never knew that love was more than just falling in love, until I met her. To this day I still love her like I did back then. I was falling in love with her, and I could never experience such strong feelings for anyone than I felt for her. Just the thought of her being with someone else could bring tears to my eyes and pain in my heart. It was difficult each time we part, but still I couldn't hate her for "hurting" me, which she never did. She only brought the pain I had inside me so I could see it and release it, even though I have been "hurt" so many times, but really, it wasn't them who hurt me, the only thing that hurt me was my expectations of how things would be, it was all in my head. 

It was them and then it was her, and now it's only me. Yes, this time around I'm dedicating my love to myself. It's necessary for me to love myself, so that I can love anyone else. I want to feel that what they give me is enough, so that I could recognize their love behind their actions and behavior. I don't want to trust the words alone, but all that they give by their actions. I don't want to sit with my insecurities and doubt. I don't want to be blinded by fears, with eyes that see but couldn't feel. I want to see with my heart and feel with my soul. I want it, I desire it, it's the living force that fuel me to dream bigger, and now, desire must drop, and wanting must detach itself from my being, I must be one with my heart and soul. I must keep this promise close to my heart, that whatever that happens to me is an opportunity to grow and evolve. 

After all, all this was love and has always been love.

My Imagination

I'm dreaming, to steal glances at you while you sit beside me, then I will reach out my hand to touch your. I will hold it in my hand and look into your eyes before I lay a gently soft kiss on your lips. We may be world apart, but still my heart is at your place since my mind seems to wander of to where you are. 

Imagining that the world stand still for a moment when our lips meet for the first time, the world is just a blur when we both are together. We might can't stop time, but being with you in that moment will last an eternity. And I might not be satisfied with just an eternity, because being away from you make my heart longing to see you again, but still I'll cherish that moment where I pine and yearn after to hold you in my arms. 

The clock is ticking away my yearning, my heart beats rhythmically to your heart beats, and my soul dance such a feverish dance by the thoughts of you. Think how it would be like if this become our reality, while in my mind it's already so real as it could be.

From The Same Source

Somewhere I belong to the desert land, anywhere else I can't find the thirst to understand what love is. If I lost myself and my heart, I'll not bow down and feel defeated but stay strong and keep faith. Look at the sky, many clouds could go awry in a blink of an eye, make raindrops fall heavily down the earth, but still, the sky stay the same.

Who can be sure of what tomorrow might bring, and who would understand that the heart which never betray the soul will be cheated by the mind to believe that eternity is finite. Ego speaks the language of the mischievous devil, while the spirit keep silence because it knows that there is no need to prove it existence.

You can find contentment in books and trust that it would not lead your soul astray. Books are old souls written in words, some are for entertaining, some are to guide you through your life and some might not be at all trusting, but in them you will find the knowledge to stand against the enslavement of the Ego.

Even when the universe is boundless and vast you will never get lost, because your soul knows the way back to where you belong. The stars are magically lit up upon your path, don't get frighten by the darkness. All are bound together, even the light and darkness are made from the same source. That's why we are not that different from one another. 

Even When There's Silence

How is that I find the joy in silence. The peace and the serenity, they dawned upon me like snowflakes. You have come into my life just like a gift I'm eager to open. In the waiting for you my longing seems to pile up inside my heart. Waiting and longing are inseparable, one comes first then the other follow. Each morning the sunbeams glowing through my curtains and adds more joy to my life. The dreams I had was close to reality, and each time I go to bed and lie my head on the pillow I think of you. I close my eyes and imagine how your sweet lips would touch mine. Your existence resolved the mysteries upon my dreams. I climb the staircase one by one when we speak the night away, and for each step I take, I'm getting closer to your soul. Mine soul or your soul would be the same, because we both are infuse with the same light. 

If I take the first step would you meet me half way? You give me a reason to not look back at the time tears were rolling and falling down from my eyes, and another reason to believe that I can once again fall in love. It's possible and without thinking the door to my heart has already been open to welcome you inside. You live there inside my heart and with the hope and the faith that tomorrow will brings us even closer. I live for that day and the only time I'm finding myself longing for someone so precious as you, my joy become more ecstatic even when there's silence.

The Place Most People Fail To Notice

I’m at lost for words to describe the way I feel. Usually when my emotions start to make a havoc in my life, I will use words to silence them and make the chaos to subside. But it has been years and years without me even touch the keyboard to write a decent piece of art. I call it art, because that’s what feelings are. They painted your life in most amazing way. You can either thank them or curse them for the upheaval they cost you to feel. You can cry because of them, or you can laugh when you understand how ridiculous they’re sometimes. Usually because of the way you think that created those feelings in the first place. I think if you really listen to your thoughts and shed some lights on them, you will understand that they actually are not at all there to make you feel less than you are. Even though it could feel like that sometimes, the only way to really understand yourself is to actually make time to be alone and sits with your thoughts. Many people fears to be alone because they’re afraid of their own thoughts and how thoughts can make them feel about themselves, but actually when you really make time to be with yourself, you will get to know the person behind your thoughts. You will no longer feel that you are an empty shell with no depths. It could be scary at first when you approach your inner depth, but when you do it many times and start to get to know the real you underneath the surface you will actually be more confident in who you are. 

Sometimes we aren’t conscious about the fact that we are afraid to be alone. We think it’s boredom to be alone and not having anything to do, and when we actually are alone we tried to avoid to listen to our own  thoughts and start finding someone to keep us in company or just getting busy doing something else rather than to hear what we actually think. It took me awhile before I really understand that I have been avoiding the alone time by finding stuff to do, I was always busy finding someone to talk with and never really listen to myself and understand why I sometimes felt empty and lonely. 

My childhood wasn’t perfect and there were always time my parents argued and made things difficult for me and my siblings to feel appreciated and loved, so the feeling of emptiness and loneliness stem from that upbringing. I guess most of us have had bad experiences from early on and as we grew up we didn’t learn how to deal with those emotions that made us feel less than we are. I believe that there are many people like me who try their best to search for the love they felt they never had. I also think that the people before me also did embark on that journey to find themselves and the love they so dearly desire. No matter who and in what age, younger or older than me, we both share the same wish. We wish to feel loved and accepted as we are. 

So why is it so important to be alone and listen to our thoughts? Because only when we are conscious about our thoughts pattern can we resolve them in a more positive way instead of letting those thoughts making us fearful and destroy our chance to be happy. Some of the thoughts aren’t really ours to begin with. We might have adopt them from the people near us or from the society and media. We might even pick them up in the supermarket or in crowded place full of people. I have read and heard that thoughts are actually energies. They come in ripples and can expand in multitude ways and from what I know we actually identify ourselves with them thoughts. When we identify ourselves with those thoughts, we think that we are them, and yes, it’s possible that we can be those thoughts, because Buddha once said «We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.» 

So how do we purify our minds? I think to purify our minds we must first hear what we actually think in the daily basis. You have probably heard about meditation, if not then I must mention it here, since I have actually practice it for awhile and really benefit from it. My mind become much clearer and I can be more aware of what I think. Meditation is not just sitting at one place. There are multitude way to do it. In this time of age, many are having difficulties getting time to meditate, because usually when you meditate you will have to sit at one place and doing nothing. That’s how you can relax better and not being distract. But I have experience that I can still meditate while washing the dishes or taking a walk. Everything lies in the breathing. For example when you are conscious on your breathing, notice the feeling of touching the water, how your hands washing the dishes, you might do it slow or fast, doesn’t matter how you do it, just be in that moment and feel. Start noticing that everything become silent. Your thoughts are coming in many different forms. Maybe it’s joyful thought, maybe it’s a anxious thought. No matter what thoughts that come, just let them flow by your mind, don’t get attach to them, just listen. When you do it often enough you will understand yourself and your feelings better. 

While we tends to search for peace and happiness outside ourselves we neglect to really go inside of us and listen to our heart. The joy, the happiness and the peace have always been inside our heart. We just fail to notice it. That’s the only true place where we can truly be all that we want to be. What most of us really desire the most is love and peace. That’s what I believe to be true. The true power is not to know everything or attain a lot of knowledge, but to really love everything and attain peace. Maybe I’m wrong to believe that, but I have hope in humanity and faith in God. What He has created is beyond our imagination. The universe is vast and there are galaxies and planets out there that are far more bigger than ours. To be living on this earth are our blessing. Isn’t it amazing that we share this earth with each other throughout many generations and still our species has survived? Our problems are smaller than we think they are. Just take a break from everything and really go deep inside yourself, find some alone time and discover the universe that lies inside your heart. Thoughts are merely energy, and they really shape your reality, so what you think can affect the life you live. The only place most people fail to notice are really their hearts.

Once Again

To stand in front of her made it hard for me to breathe, just looking in her eyes made me scared, because I couldn't see myself there. She holds someone in her heart and that somebody isn't me. She is in love with someone else, and that teared me apart. I couldn't do or say anything when she said that we should stop seeing each other. 

I was paralyzed to hear her saying those final words. "I have to do it for myself and him, and because of that I choose this resolution, and that is you. I'll of course miss you and think of you, but this time I have to do it and this is my finally decision. Good bye Amaia, I wish you good luck with everything, and tomorrow will brings you a new day with new possibilities."

Even though it was harsh, but I wasn't shocked by her decision, because it happens very often that she would break it off and leave, but she always came back. I was getting use to it, and I hope she would come back this time as well.

My feelings for her were never a lie, it was all true, even to this day I still keep a spot inside my heart for her, and if she ever wants to return I'll be there with open arms. I'm not saying that I couldn't live without her, because the fact is I can. I'm fine without her, and that's a reality. Sometimes I miss her presence, her message and her voice over the phone. I missed how she needs me, that kind of "need" that made me reliable. She could lean on me whenever she wants, and I'm fine with it. 

Most of the time she made me feel fearful, it wasn't her fault, she wasn't a scary person, but I guess I felt that way because I was scared that I wasn't enough for her, that I wasn't beautiful enough, enough of everything that I thought she would accept me for. I feared that she would leave, something that's now coming true. It was inevitable for me to feel that way, because I was living with most of my baggages. I mean, we will always have to deal with the ghost that haunt us day and night, the most perpetual nightmare that will never ends, so it seems. And to meet someone that you love so much will always brings up the fear to feel unloved. 

But it wasn't a lost, because I gain so many powerful insight about myself. I learned to trust in myself and love myself for who I am. She brought my fear up so I could deal with it once and for all. My spiritual journey began to unfold itself in multiplies ways. I could finally break free from those nightmares that I usually had. I felt like I could put an end to my past and freed myself from salty tears whenever I dwell in it. 

I don't dwell in the past anymore, even though some fraction of it still comes up now and then, but it doesn't bother me so much, I'm not tearing up or feeling depressed because I couldn't stop pitying myself over something that happened ages ago. I'm totally free. This freedom become my revolution. 

Some of us are experience the heart wrenche heartache, and some are more lucky to find a harmonious relationship at the first try; both are there to teach us to love ourselves more and both are necessary for us to grow. But we grow much stronger when we have dealt with an obstacle or a painful separation. We become more whole for each time we step into a new relationship with a new found wisdom because we have learned of the previous relationship. 

Some may never step into the spiritual path, while others found themselves eagerly to continue their spiritual journey and wants to embark further into the deep depth of every nook and cradle to find themselves. I'm one of them, one of those who enjoyed to walk on the path to find myself spiritually. 

I did learned a lot and it was the hard way, but I think I'm blessed because I came out alive and unharmed. This was thanks to God that I believe in so much, even though I in times doubt if He/She exist. (May God forgive me for my doubts.) While I embark on this journey, I pray that I might encounter a new adventure with someone that eventually will let me open up to love, once again.

Love Is What You Are

Every now and then I think about leaving my house to go somewhere, I end up staying at home. It’s a comfy place I would not leave because all the memories about home made me feel alive. I don’t say that I never got out of this place, not because I wouldn’t but because there’re so many other memories attached all around the city that made me crave to feel happier. The happiest place for me now is my bed. I sleep there. And I love to sleep. But there’re of course many other things that I love as well. For example a long walk by myself or conversations over a cup of coffee with my best friend. Wherever I go I leave a mark, the marks that will attached to my heart and soul so I will never forget how I end up living at home with my family.

All my life I have been wandering around trying to seek for true love, the search went far and I haven’t found that yet. But after going through some major crisis in life I figure out that true love is something you are not something you find.

Heart

Heart

Beating,

I'm alive

But dead inside. 

Heart

Cramped up

Pain

Exploded 

In my chest. 

Heart,

Shrinked

Left vacant

No one is there

Heart

Someone

Please 

Fill it.  

Wanted

She is somewhere around the corner. Perhaps near the edge of the world. She might be waiting or rushing through the day free like a bird. I would like to know what she is doing and all the most what hides in her mind. I want to look through her eyes and see what she see. I want to feel with her heart so it can touch my soul. I want too much, but my desire shattered like glas hitting the floor. If you crack my heart open, you will see longing drips like tear drops and fills the river with loneliness. 

She is somewhere, so close but yet so far holding the key to the magic door to my heart. 

In Deep Silence

Dear Beloved,

In silence, deep silence, I hear your whispering voice calling out to me. I waited and waited, long and longer for the night to end and the day to pass so I might see you again. You have appeared before me countless of time in my dreams. You’re just like a reflection in my heart where you will never disappear. I couldn’t find words enough to describe how magnificent you are to me. Even if I write it down or sing it out, it will not be the same as the image I have of you inside my mind. Your image emerge before my eyes every time I close it, and you burn as a candle in my soul. My soul takes fire because of you, and no river or ocean can demolish it. My burning desire takes root inside my heart where no one can pull it out.

I’m the river and you the ocean, we are link to each other, because river stream will always flow out to the ocean, like boat takes sail in the sea and finally have to come back to shore. You pull me out of my hallucination and created reality in my dreams. I emerge myself in your reality, and finally found myself lost in myriad of dreams with you. I don’t want to be awake nor asleep, but staying watchful of my imaginations about you so I’ll never forget how sweet your face looks like. In the meeting with you, I begins to build a castle inside my heart. This place will never gets old or worn out, even if you takes your leave and disappear for a while. My heart is your home and your soul is my temple, even if I gets lonely and homeless in reality, I’ll bow before your temple and smile, your kindness bear witness to the brilliant home I’ve build for myself below the azure sky; everywhere I go is home, and I know I can take shelter in your temple. This is the truth of the truth I shared with you.

Sweet Melody

Because of you I had tasted euphoria,
in my tears there were happiness.
You bring so much joy into my life
and to loose you I have known bitterness.

Sweet surrender,
you have come to release me from
my haunting past.
Every moment I think of you,
I savor it in my heart.

Your beauty are as the bright sun
blinding my eyes.
To know you is to know love
and love is a desire
which I secretly keep inside my soul.

I promise myself
to never let those sweet memories
to fade away;
it’s something to remember
and dream of every single day.

Fire burns down the walls
I build to keep me safe.
Strange is love that makes me sway.
Just with a wiff of air
my kisses are blowing away
with the wind that convey my vows.

I will love you until my last breath,
when time cease to exist
and the world stop moving.
My vow is beyond eternity
far greater than the universe;
because you have brought heaven to my home.

Let’s mend together and be inseparable -
like the air we are breathing.
Death is nothing to fear,
because we are as one in this lifetime.
Let joy be our song -
and love our melody.

Love Has Brought Me Home

I fell apart to be mend a new
Look deep within the heart, raging war subside
Love is the last call

I call love by its name
Releasing me from the aching pain
Wind chime sings
By a gentle push of the summer breeze, mindful
All doors are open for me to get through -
One into the heart another into the soul.

Within a beating heart, truth recall
Nothing can bend or break the divine glory of a soul
Beyond the universe
Millions of stars are shining
One shines for all, all shines for one,
Love has guide me home to where I truly belong

Look deep within the heart, raging war subside
Love has finally brought me home.

The Shimmers

We are as fireflies, glowing and shimmering in the dark in this time of change. Just like what fireflies should do, we are light, being freed by the dark hollow spaces like stars are shining in the vast universe. We are like stars twinkling and brighten up each other and saluting one another into a new galaxy. With that we flow straight into a dimension after another dimension until we lost track of ourselves and try to paw a new way out. We leave traces of stardust just to remember where we come from. Just to not forget where home is.

Home, where should home be, if not the heart. We can always go back to where we belong with a single breath. We must remember that our heart re-connect us to the Universe. We have lived on earth for far too long and nearly forgets how it is to be a soul re-birthed into flesh and bones. We are made of bones and flesh, but that would only be of ashes and dust when we leave this world, so why are we still bugged down with fears and undissolved problems?

Can we not live in harmony with the nature and its glorious sky? Why not laugh and play when we still have time to do so. We can make our desire into reality, if not for the thoughts that hinder us to achieve our goals. Thoughts are strangers that wish to become real friend. Thoughts that creates another hologram want to steal more time from us. How many times have we turn our back away from our heart to feel more safe in this world?

The mind is a powerful device, it creates illusions upon illusions, trying to trapped us inside the prison of hell. It is the illusions of not being good enough, rich enough, enough of everything that this world has to offer. When it is the heart that opens up many door for us to see ourselves as Gods and Goddesses. The heart might make us vulnerable, but it's always wise enough to keep our raging war inside of us to subside - we need and have to let our heart leads us back to our central core, the place where we have enough affection to show towards everything and everyone.

Lets shimmers in the dark, where light has gone off.