God; Love; Me; ... Us

It all begin with a hallow space in the heart, and the soul seems to just shrink in size which couldn't fit in the hollow space in the heart at all. It was too small, it didn't fit in, but get swallowed completely and so the soul disappear. I search for a while, but didn't know what I was searching for. 

First and foremost, I tried to find the meaning to life by walking in my parents shoes, but somehow it didn't fit me. I stumble while having them on, I fell several times since it was too big for my feet and I almost crawl, hell yes, I did crawl. I thought meaning to life was to sacrifice myself, in hope to find myself useful for my parents, but then I got myself lost in the role I played as a daughter. I spent my time trying to impress them, doing things that I thought might fill my heart; that hollow space which seems to swallow everything I came across. It swallowed my role as a daughter as well and being obedient and respectful towards my parents with much higher authority than me was less satisfying than I thought, because it means I have to swallow my pride and my voice for justice against them. There were so many things I would want to do, but I was restricted to do them since they fear I might fail in the process of doing them. There weren't room for failure and I didn't get to learn to stand up for myself and make my own choice. Wearing their shoes and walking theirs path was tiring, because I didn't get to be a child with wonder and curiosity, I had to grow as fast as I could so the shoes will fit me... I had to play my role as a obedient daughter.

One day, I was to beat up and tired that I resigned my duty as a daughter and wander across the ocean to find myself. A pilgrimage to find something to fit that hallow space. I put aside the meaning of life and search for love. I thought finding someone to give me love was easy, wasn't it just pleasing my beloved and give them everything I had and they will give me the love I need back? But before I could please and give I had to find my beloved. So I tried first with them boys, even though I felt that my heart wants girls, but my mind feared I might get to abnormal that no one in the end want to be with me, so I checked in with the boys, the cool type and mr.popular, but I find it hard to open myself up, since that hollow space seems to swallow my feelings as well. I tried to suggest a date here and there, but none of them was interested. One particular guy said I was a bit ugly so he refused to date me and didn't even want to hang out or be my friend. I looked in the mirror and believed him, I was ugly, I was a teenager without nice clothes and make up, I wasn't like the other girls, I was label the odd one. Miss ugly didn't get a date, I played that role too. I feared to show my face and become shy and introvert that it was difficult to talk to me, and since I was taught to swallow my voice I didn't say much to anyone. I believed them that I was ugly. 

I checked out, didn't want to try the boys anymore, they gave me bad vibes. I moved on to the girls, but not openly. I tried the internet and was open and somewhat myself. Finally, I met someone online. She was ok, a vietnamese and we met, I wasn't in love with her, but she liked me and we end up dating and become a couple. Hurray I thought, finally I have found love, but I didn't know that it was not what I had in mind. It was difficult, suddenly the hallow space started to spit out my feelings (more like emotions). I got jealous and worried because of something she said with her friends and since I already felt that I wished to share them with her, but it didn't end so good since she broke up with me. We met online and I got dumped online *shaking head*. I was devastated and broken and wished the hollow space would swallow me in as well, but it didn't... I got stuck. 

Weeks passed and I got somewhat better and felt that I still have hope, I was done playing the role of an unpopular and ugly girl. Even though I was broken, I still believed that something could change my appearance, that was why I was willing to try make up. I found magic in make up and started to trust my creativity, I painted my face as beautiful as I could, got my brows plucked and wear comfy stylish clothes. I snapped picture of me here and there, in many different angle and then uploaded them on my profile. I felt somewhat satisfied, because there were girls who wanted to meet me, they gave me compliments and I had so much fun dating online that I forgot the brokenness for while. 

In my heart, I still believe that love was everything even though that hollow space become bigger as I grow up. In my mind I still believed I should find my beloved so that she will fill the void in that hollow space... I was wrong and to be honest, I met countless of girls, but my void was emptier than before. None of them was my true beloved, none of them could fill my void, earthly love was difficult to attain. So much sacrifice for nothing and my emotions started to build up. I become weary and burned out because of the pilgrimage that I stopped walking entirely and started to cry. Salty tears that I tasted was truly healing, because I felt once I let the hollow space be hollow I could accept that I couldn't fill it with earthly love, duty and playing roles I wasn't suited for. I was done with sacrificing. I wanted to understand and attain true love and I wished to feel free.

Many years passed and I met people on my path, they all taught me valuable things I could use for later. I abandon earthly love and was in frantic search for freedom. Fortunately, I met this man. This particular man thought me to unlock my heart so I could dive into my hollow space. The void which was empty was no longer terrifying. Emotions from that void was living there in that hollow space. He taught me to be myself, to let go of judgment and turned negative thoughts to positive one, he taught me to be honest about my feelings and open myself up for the possibilities to feel loved, and no one was needed to fill that void or fit in that hollow space... I didn't need anyone, the beloved was myself, the beloved was God. If God was in there, and I'm the beloved, wouldn't I be; God? 

Being myself, honest and open, means being love in action, and if it's love then it's naturally to attract like minded, all I need to remember is that I'm love. My soul magically appear, it didn't shrink as I thought it did, it was maybe so big that I couldn't see it, not until I was allow to while diving my head first into the hollow space. My soul didn't disappear, I just couldn't see it with my heart close. I had to plunge into my hollow space and open my heart to see it. It was miraculously unbelievable to finally feel loved and become one with that hollow space. I was finally home, and now I can accept the role that suited me best. Godly words can't describe how much of a Goddess I am. God; love; Me; ...US. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Our Beliefs Creates Our Reality

Have you ever ponder about love? Have you ever ask yourself what love is? I don't completely know what love is, even though I sure have been in love many times, but maybe it was more like attraction than love, this is something I still ponder about. There are many types of love in this world; parents love to their children, siblings love, couples love, love for humanity, love for animals. All these kinds of love could boil down to Union Love for all, but these types of love are not at all difficult to understand as couples love. I'm sure we all adults and teenagers has a problem to understand this kind of love. Do we maybe confuse love with attraction?

Why does the belief of this kind of love make it so difficult to understand? I mean, why when we fall in love with someone, and after being in relationship or even before being with them all these emotions start to rise above the surface and make it difficult to attain peace?  My beliefs about relationship is that you can only love one person at a time and I shouldn't be playing with people's feelings, and that they should show their love through actions if they really loves me or behave in a certain way that shows their love is true. These beliefs are not that bad as the belief of many others who think that once they are with someone, their partner become a property. 

I have a habit of thinking wrongly that when the person I like would stop liking me because something seems to change in their behavior or they seems to detach themselves from me. I had the beliefs of being invaluable and unworthy thus thinking that I'm not loved or worth to be like from someone else. Emotions and feelings start to rise and peace are being rob off. It's so damn hard sometimes not to leave the "thinking" aside, overanalyze and overthinking, but I learn over time that I eventually have to change my beliefs. 

In our beliefs arise feelings, from feelings to action, from action to a result or maybe a consequence. And because of our beliefs we have to take responsibility for our reaction and consequences. I know that in changing my beliefs about myself will help me to experience love in a new way. I'm not saying that what I do will work for you, but as I had gone through the process of changing my beliefs and love myself more, I have been able to relax more and not over dramatize the situation. In the end, I think that couples love seems difficult because we can't escape from the feelings that rise above the surface. Our partner didn't place those feelings inside of us, those feelings were already there for us to acknowledge them, and maybe that's why it seems so difficult to understand our partner when we are in the midts of the storm that rages inside of us. 

Relationship serve a purpose in our lives, whether good or bad, they are a good way for us to finally find all the barriers that kept us from love. We could either act as a victim or rise above it and claim our power to change ourselves. Beliefs are also possible to change, but you have to be strong willed and determined once you want to change your beliefs. When your beliefs start to trouble you face it head on, and examine it carefully if what you believe in is true or not, don't forget that what you resist presist and what you look at will disappear. 

Do your best to attain peace.

Blessings

Miracle

Within

The world technologies are incredible awesome, but we must not forget the little things that doesn't require electricities. I'm also a person who have been addicted to my smartphone and the internet, simply because I'm like everyone else living in the 20th centuries. The things that remind me of those simple little things are reading and watching inspirational movies. 

Tonight I stayed up and watch "The Little Prince 2015". An inspirational animation. It's a story about a little girl who been taught to follow the schedule and programs her mother have made for her, and because of that she become a little stiff like the rest of everyone else. She memories math and do maths all day just to get in to this particular school, and forget about having fun and playing like a child should. Her mother always worked late and aren't much at home to watch over her. Luckily they moved to a neighborhood where an old man live in this big and old house unlike the rest of the neighbor and their house. One day an accident happened where the old man tried to start his plane, made the propell to bounced right into the little girl's house and her mother's. And one evening when he sat on the roof top and the little girl sat in her room doing math, he flew a paper plane right into her's window. She was perplexed at first, but with curiosity she open the paper plane where there was drawings and a story about the little prince, then on, they established a connection. I don't want to be a spoiler, if you are curious, I recommend you to watch it. 

After watching it, I become inspired to write this post. The movie really make me understand that things that is invisible to the eyes can be felt with the heart. I must remember that I'm here for a reason, even though I might not understand the reason as for now, but I must never forget the happiness and the joy I experienced 5 years ago. It's the wake-up call I mentioned in my late post. To remember my identity and finally understand the love of my higher self was truly a blessing, and not just that, I did also witness my own soul in meditation. It was truly amazing to could see your soul even for a brief moment.

Every experience we have in this life is quite unique, whether good or bad, we can either learn from it or just for the sake of experiences, and because of those experiences we remember that we are not only a body, but a soul. Being a human is sometimes difficult, but if we remember that we have a soul that would never die, we will feel less afraid of what life brings us, we will just do our best to live and enjoy our ups and even the downs. 

Whatever you might have experienced in the past is now just memories, but those memories can help you levitate and most important not forget that you are capable to live a better life by learning from your past mistakes and for those good times you have been experienced will help you feel less sad about what you might go through right now. 

And mostly, never forget to have a good time with your friends and family, or just make new friends to help you expand your awareness. You never know who will bring to you the missing piece of a puzzle you have been puzzled about. Make time to spend with yourself in quiet moments and reminisce or just relax and feel your whole being. When you are alone, you can be whoever you want and no one can make you be anything you don't want. When I feel tired or just bored, I lie down in my bed and just completely relax and feel my whole body pulsating. In that moment I'm not anything to anyone, but just me, the soul.

When we drop everything that shackle us down, we feel less heavy, we become lighter, we can breathe and our movements become easier. What shackles us down might be our job, our family our friends and so on, but when we are entirely alone, we won't feel the burden of the world. But what shackles us down the most is our thoughts, that's why we have to tame it. Our mind is a playground to manifest our reality, so whatever we think will manifest in our lives. First of, you have to find a way to turn it off. The effective way is to meditate, to befriend our thoughts and let it slide and flow freely from one end to another, don't hold onto it, just let it flow. When we have cleared our thoughts, we become more wiser and more free. It's a process, an ongoing process that you have to keep up until your thoughts have become somewhat lighter and brighter. Your thoughts link to your emotions that can be wash off by cleaning up your spiritual, mentally and emotionally closet. All you need to do is throw out those old beliefs you have about yourself, when you have achieved that bit of self realization you will feel less emotional, less anxious, less tired, less of what you might feel. 

This might not happen over the night, you might want to give it a month or two, even years, but it's never too late to begin. And remember, all this shape you to be who you are meant to be, so don't be afraid to getting to know yourself and find your true happiness within. 

I hope you will find that piece of puzzle you have been trying to find, and that your life will turn up side down for the better. Remember the laughter and smile of a child whenever you feel disheartened.

Blessings 

Miracle. 

The Way of Living In Peace And Harmony

The waiting and the longing, both are like a burden, tormenting the aching heart. Let it not be a silent rage inside your soul, but express it creatively. Do what you can, but never keep it intact in your mind. 

Bold are the one who can cry, not because of pity for themselves, but silent tears to release the sadness from the heart. To fully live is to fully experience the color of our emotions. Not everyone experience them in calmness, but who said we couldn't go on a rampage or make it dramatic? 

Your life and my life may be different from each other, but truth is we are experiencing the same feelings and emotions, only to react in a different way. Whichever way we react in is not closely important as to understand the consequence of it. And so we venture on an adventure to collect pieces of our soul that we have lost from the beginning of time. Standing still or moving on, we have the choice to choose the life we want for ourselves. Nobody is entirely right, nobody has die from being wrong. So why can we live together in peace and harmony? 

Blessings
Miracle

The Simplicity of Life; Never To Give Up

Life, it is so simple, but still so complicated for my head. I mean, my life is basically a merry-go-round, things keep repeating themselves and it's going around and around, like a never ending circle. First it's my swallowing problems, then it's trusting problem, I really don't know how to deal with them sometimes, but I think I have a knack to get through them somehow. This is basically self-love issue, well, I'm brave enough to admit that I do have self-love issue, because I know I'm fully responsible for those feelings I have inside me. 

At times I still feels life is scary, the most part is because of the responsibility for being an adult. I'm a woman that is nearly 30 years old, but still I can't seems to do well with being an adult. There're so many things I need to look out for. I just bought an apartment in February, and there're already so many bills to pay. I'm trying my best to deal with the material things and my spiritual life. I need to be in balance so I won't get hooked in my emotional drama, but instead being grounded.

Life is pretty much exciting, that's what I feel right now. There're so many new people coming in my life and I feel I'm more open to talk about my feelings, if it ever came up. I can talk about everything actually, there's no end to it, but sometimes I feel like listening more than talk. I do my best to be the best version of myself, and since there're many surprises around how people are thinking and doing I'm more careful to not being so attached to them, even though it's not a problem. Being attached to someone means that you care about them and the connection you have with each other. It's not a bad thing, but when you really get so emotional, then you need to reflect about it and ask yourself why you are being "hurt" when that person seems to not live up to your expectations. At least that is what I do. I always complain to my friend when I feel like being neglected by someone I like, but actually, it's me who have high expectations about how thing should be.

Yes, I'm a human with feelings, I can be vulnerable and complain once in a while, I'm not perfect, I make mistakes, but I still get up each time. Sometimes it's not easy, but at least I don't give up.

The Meaning of Being Alive

Sometimes I try to find a meaning to my life, but at some point I just feel like giving up or just ask God to give me a clue. I asked Him what I should do with certain things and I wondered if he actually hear me, but however I know that He would give me a meaning even if I didn't ask. 

It was hard to live a life where you couldn't see a point or meaning in what you were doing or even thinking. Like walking around with a body without any vitality, just exist but not really is "there" to realize that life was meaningful. I'm not sure why I thought my life was wasted or unworthy, and certainly I wasn't sure if being alive or exist has a meaning to anyone. I thought about it a lot and did my best to understand the meaning behind my existence. I beat myself up every time I couldn't find the answer, so I started to criticize myself for being useless, for being stupid etc. 

Being online had somehow given me a meaning to exist, because there I could be myself and took off my mask, because when someone asked me how I felt, I would be honest and actually share my feelings. I was an introvert, I didn't speak much, I wasn't popular at school, so I didn't have so many friends, but when I finally took a step outside my comfort zone, and getting to know more people, I become more sure about my abilities to care and be there for people, I got more friends. It was one particular girl that I bonded really fast. She was a friend of a friend and we got introduce to each other. I didn't thought that we would bond so fast, because we were different, but there were one thing we both have in common, it was our openness, she was herself from the beginning, she never make an excuse for being herself, she was also very friendly and I felt that I like talking to her. It was strange, because I have seen her once before, but never thought that we would ever meet or become friends. Anyway, we talked a lot and found out that we had a lot in common. After talking with her, and since I lived in another town, we started to write letters to each other. 

I felt I can be myself around her and I could tell her how I felt, for the first time without being online, but in real life. She accepted me and my behavior, though I never behaved poorly or bad. I was just being me that time with my emotions. It was a beginning of our friendship, that I also accepted her for who she was; we are best friends now, and we has always been open to each other about how we felt and neither one of us manipulate the other to feel bad about how we felt or who we was; I'm truly lucky to have her as my best friend.

So, now I really think about it again, about the meaning of my life. The first meaning God gave me for being alive and exist was my siblings, the second was my mom and the third was my best friend. After realizing how my existence affect them, I become more sure about life and its meaning. More and more meaning adds up in my life. I become more and more open about my feelings for other people, I'm not saying that I'm not scare to open myself up for people I like, I'm still afraid sometimes, but it doesn't hinder me to be myself or make me want to crawl back to my cave. I hit the balance between being an introvert and extrovert. Life is more interesting now, there's more meaning to it than never before. I'm sure that we exist for a reason, even though we couldn't understand it now, doesn't mean that we would never understand it. 

For those who are depress or alone, don't give up life to soon, even though I know it's hard, even harder to not thinking of killing yourself when the pain is taking over you and your loneliness become like a dark hole. Believe me, I was there, I was also a victim of my depression and the suicidal thought kept crossing my mind. It wasn't a day I didn't think of hating myself for being so depress or that I wasn't worthy to receive any love, but somehow I wasn't alone, I had myself, the person that who would never gave up on myself was me. It wasn't me alone who sticking up to me, a piece of the divine was with me and is still with me. God gave me His divinity, a source inside me and my motivator to keep me staying alive.

Don't freak out when I talk about God, He/She might not exist for you, but whatever it is you perceive to be the source of your life, believe it, have faith in it. Don't forsake your hope to believe that you also is meaningful and worthy of love and a healthful life. Take back your power, and look at yourself as someone worthy of your love, your life has a meaning the day your were conceived, don't forget to search for your meaning if you haven't found it, keep looking, those who search will eventually find it.

The Place Most People Fail To Notice

I’m at lost for words to describe the way I feel. Usually when my emotions start to make a havoc in my life, I will use words to silence them and make the chaos to subside. But it has been years and years without me even touch the keyboard to write a decent piece of art. I call it art, because that’s what feelings are. They painted your life in most amazing way. You can either thank them or curse them for the upheaval they cost you to feel. You can cry because of them, or you can laugh when you understand how ridiculous they’re sometimes. Usually because of the way you think that created those feelings in the first place. I think if you really listen to your thoughts and shed some lights on them, you will understand that they actually are not at all there to make you feel less than you are. Even though it could feel like that sometimes, the only way to really understand yourself is to actually make time to be alone and sits with your thoughts. Many people fears to be alone because they’re afraid of their own thoughts and how thoughts can make them feel about themselves, but actually when you really make time to be with yourself, you will get to know the person behind your thoughts. You will no longer feel that you are an empty shell with no depths. It could be scary at first when you approach your inner depth, but when you do it many times and start to get to know the real you underneath the surface you will actually be more confident in who you are. 

Sometimes we aren’t conscious about the fact that we are afraid to be alone. We think it’s boredom to be alone and not having anything to do, and when we actually are alone we tried to avoid to listen to our own  thoughts and start finding someone to keep us in company or just getting busy doing something else rather than to hear what we actually think. It took me awhile before I really understand that I have been avoiding the alone time by finding stuff to do, I was always busy finding someone to talk with and never really listen to myself and understand why I sometimes felt empty and lonely. 

My childhood wasn’t perfect and there were always time my parents argued and made things difficult for me and my siblings to feel appreciated and loved, so the feeling of emptiness and loneliness stem from that upbringing. I guess most of us have had bad experiences from early on and as we grew up we didn’t learn how to deal with those emotions that made us feel less than we are. I believe that there are many people like me who try their best to search for the love they felt they never had. I also think that the people before me also did embark on that journey to find themselves and the love they so dearly desire. No matter who and in what age, younger or older than me, we both share the same wish. We wish to feel loved and accepted as we are. 

So why is it so important to be alone and listen to our thoughts? Because only when we are conscious about our thoughts pattern can we resolve them in a more positive way instead of letting those thoughts making us fearful and destroy our chance to be happy. Some of the thoughts aren’t really ours to begin with. We might have adopt them from the people near us or from the society and media. We might even pick them up in the supermarket or in crowded place full of people. I have read and heard that thoughts are actually energies. They come in ripples and can expand in multitude ways and from what I know we actually identify ourselves with them thoughts. When we identify ourselves with those thoughts, we think that we are them, and yes, it’s possible that we can be those thoughts, because Buddha once said «We are shaped by our thoughts; we become what we think. When the mind is pure, joy follows like a shadow that never leaves.» 

So how do we purify our minds? I think to purify our minds we must first hear what we actually think in the daily basis. You have probably heard about meditation, if not then I must mention it here, since I have actually practice it for awhile and really benefit from it. My mind become much clearer and I can be more aware of what I think. Meditation is not just sitting at one place. There are multitude way to do it. In this time of age, many are having difficulties getting time to meditate, because usually when you meditate you will have to sit at one place and doing nothing. That’s how you can relax better and not being distract. But I have experience that I can still meditate while washing the dishes or taking a walk. Everything lies in the breathing. For example when you are conscious on your breathing, notice the feeling of touching the water, how your hands washing the dishes, you might do it slow or fast, doesn’t matter how you do it, just be in that moment and feel. Start noticing that everything become silent. Your thoughts are coming in many different forms. Maybe it’s joyful thought, maybe it’s a anxious thought. No matter what thoughts that come, just let them flow by your mind, don’t get attach to them, just listen. When you do it often enough you will understand yourself and your feelings better. 

While we tends to search for peace and happiness outside ourselves we neglect to really go inside of us and listen to our heart. The joy, the happiness and the peace have always been inside our heart. We just fail to notice it. That’s the only true place where we can truly be all that we want to be. What most of us really desire the most is love and peace. That’s what I believe to be true. The true power is not to know everything or attain a lot of knowledge, but to really love everything and attain peace. Maybe I’m wrong to believe that, but I have hope in humanity and faith in God. What He has created is beyond our imagination. The universe is vast and there are galaxies and planets out there that are far more bigger than ours. To be living on this earth are our blessing. Isn’t it amazing that we share this earth with each other throughout many generations and still our species has survived? Our problems are smaller than we think they are. Just take a break from everything and really go deep inside yourself, find some alone time and discover the universe that lies inside your heart. Thoughts are merely energy, and they really shape your reality, so what you think can affect the life you live. The only place most people fail to notice are really their hearts.

Desire For Passion

If we were tied together by an invisible string, does it mean that we will never be apart? 

The feeling of grief when you lost someone, someone that means a lot to you will only last for a brief moment. Maybe it will take weeks or months, if worst, years and years, but at the end you will understand that grief is something you have to go through in order to be thankful for the time you shared. 

After being so high on love, I have hit the bottom. My passion is drained, and I feel I have lost a part of myself. Over the past four years, I have learned so much, but still I feel I’m not yet there I want to be. 

The wind blew so gently this past few days made me wanna open myself up for new opportunities. Right now I’m not sure where my life is heading. I feel like I’m a bit stuck, even though things keeps moving forward. Sometimes my heart skipped a bit for no reason, like it want’t to tell me about the passion I have lost for life and love. The reason why I feel stuck is that I don’t have any feelings towards anyone right now, and my passion about it actually connects me with writing. To write have always been my greatest freedom to express myself, but since I have lost touch with who I am, I seems to lost interest in writing as well. 

I seems pretty normal in my daily life, going about and doing my chores, but deep down inside I still wish that I’m doing what I like and having the best relationship I could ever have. Anything of that would be great. Reality is nothing like fantasy, reality is more brutal and full of logic and facts, while fantasy is more colorful and full of hope. 

But then again, isn’t the most thing made out of fantasy? Living in fantasy is sometimes more preferable than living in the real life, although I would rather try my best to achieve my dreams and make them to reality. The point is not to loose sight of my dreams and succumb to living in imaginary alone. 

One day I will absolute make it and feel I'm on top of the world. I aim to go that way for now.  I hope I will achieve what I have set myself out to do and win against the odds. Living life passionately.

Otherwise, I'm G-R-E-A-T! 

Finding The Light

I sat down trying to come up with something to write, but it doesn't flow as easily as it used to. My fingers froze and my mind went blank. I think it is because I'm at peace with myself and no longer hear the chattering in my mind. I'm so far ahead with being zen like that things like thoughts doesn't come up as much as it used to. 

All I could think of at night was: when will I end up in a relationship? how would it be like? would anyone wants me and when will my psychic abilities blossom. Actually, those things isn't as important as my spiritual evolution. But I couldn't help but to think of those things. 

I've grown with the years that gone by. I'm not acting as if life happens to me, I'm living the way that is less struggling. I don't struggle to be happy or satisfied, because I know that living is being. Being peaceful, being joyful, being goddess-like. 

God taught me to live from the heart, and he taught me well, because things comes easily when I'm not trying to be nice. Because when you try to be nice you are trying to get acceptance from others and trying to please them. Kind people are not afraid to say no. Frankly, I've learned to say no, and it is not to be mean or anything, but it is very important to set boundaries so that other people could respect you. I accept myself for who I am and hope that others do that with themselves as well. 

I haven't cried a single tear since... I don't even remember when it was the last time I cried. But there isn't anything that moves me enough to make me cry. I want to cry happy tears, I want to feel the joy of knowing myself. The question: "who am I", lingers on my mind. It has been put away behind the back of my head for so long. I put it in the box where I hidden it away and now I'm taking it out so the light could shine on it and maybe the light can help me to make sense of it. 

Where there is light, darkness is no more. 

I want to go home, go back home to the far away galaxy, back to the place where I belong and remember my true self again and then - I want to remember who I am once again.

A Short Note

Hi,

I haven't been so active on this blog, the main reason is I have been busy living a content life so far and haven't come up with something new to write about. Frankly, I have no idea what I should write, nothing sticks into my mind and lately my mind had been empty. I have no worries (OK I might have some, but nothing big enough to mention) and no problems.

My life is far better than it used to be. I live a very peaceful life, and I think I will continue living this way. I can't stress enough how much I feel blessed to be in this state I am right now. I really don't want to expose so much of my private life on this blog, even though it was the purpose from the beginning. But this is my blog, so I choice whatever I want to write.

So this will be boring and you need not following this blog, because I'm not creative like I used to be. No poetic poems or epic love letter. Just plain and simple words that I squeeze out from my heart. My beating heart is fairly content with how I express myself. If I feel that empty space in my heart again I might write some few lines to share with you or else I think I should just remain silence and let the words echo throughout the silent moments I have with myself.

Just take enough time to contemplate on the word LOVE, that is all I'm asking you to do. May you feel blessed as well.

Sincery
Crystallize Butterfly

Let's Be Playful As Children.

If I was to shine alone, I would shine as bright as I can, so that my dreams won't be dimmed, or be swollen by the mistrust of the mind. I will not loose hope and be in despair to see that this world might turned black and cold endlessly, but I will keep myself open to new possibilities and reach out my hand to people who needs my light.

I'm like a light bulb, been turned on by the love force which encircled around the whole globe at this moment. The universe is my home and I indulge myself in it. I play in the garden of Eden, and gets curious about life. I'm childlike and innocent.

I wonder why would anyone harm a childlike person as I am? I don't understand how the mind can misguide one so much to make one kills or doing harmed to people or even a child. This world needs love, and light, much love is needed to transmute the negativity in the air.

We are one with nature once we are outside, smelling the air and floating with the wind, we're not any different from the trees. We must be rooted to be grounded firmly in the ground, so when the storm comes we would not be uprooted by it but standing firmly on the earth.

Let's reunite with Mother Earth and hers inhabitants. Let's play together in her Garden, let's not chase after the butterflies, but sitting still and let them come and sit on our shoulder. Let's be as children again, playing playfully with each other and shines together into the new heaven on earth.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ