The Unison

In between the hours of loneliness, I feel an attachment to you. You and I was once one, but we got split from each other to experience the 3D world as human beings, but somehow we still are one in some way, because our souls are twinning together in the spirit world. I can feel you as I'm here, even when I dream it seems so real. 

I search for you, every where I go my eyes keeps wander around to look for your presence. How can we be separated for so long and still feel the connection so strong? I hope for an answer, but from where I am, the answer seems so delusional. I hope not to figure out the mystery, however I hunger to understand the mystery we call life. 

I remember the feelings of union with my own soul. I rejoiced to be one with everything, and finally understood and accepted myself for who I was, a true remembrance of myself, my identity. I wish only if I could once again remember that feelings of acceptance and remembrance of myself. Just totally delight in the true being of who I am today. I want to continue the search for this true love that I once had for myself, and then I could love you as you are.

I love you in tears, I love you in denial, and I love you in the between the loneliness. I'm afraid that if I immerge myself so much in loving you that I might forget myself, but if loving you will leads me to the true understanding of love, then forgetting myself won't be a waste. I can see you with close eyes and I can feel you with even a close heart, you are in me, my soul belongs to you from the beginning of time, I have no choice but to be attach to you like skin on your flesh. All I ever wanted to do is to breathe you into my lungs so you can cooperate with my heart to help it beats a lovely song for all to hear. 

They will listen attentively to this song and remember once again about true love, true longing of birds that keeps coming back to the place where there always are spring and sunshine. They will listen fondly to the chirpring of joyful birds, singing in unison for a long lost love that finally reunited. 

Love

I want to talk less and listen more, I want to live instead of thinking, I want to make mistake so that I can learn, and most of all, I want to love with every ounce of my bones. 

I was in love so many times, but never knew that love was more than just falling in love, until I met her. To this day I still love her like I did back then. I was falling in love with her, and I could never experience such strong feelings for anyone than I felt for her. Just the thought of her being with someone else could bring tears to my eyes and pain in my heart. It was difficult each time we part, but still I couldn't hate her for "hurting" me, which she never did. She only brought the pain I had inside me so I could see it and release it, even though I have been "hurt" so many times, but really, it wasn't them who hurt me, the only thing that hurt me was my expectations of how things would be, it was all in my head. 

It was them and then it was her, and now it's only me. Yes, this time around I'm dedicating my love to myself. It's necessary for me to love myself, so that I can love anyone else. I want to feel that what they give me is enough, so that I could recognize their love behind their actions and behavior. I don't want to trust the words alone, but all that they give by their actions. I don't want to sit with my insecurities and doubt. I don't want to be blinded by fears, with eyes that see but couldn't feel. I want to see with my heart and feel with my soul. I want it, I desire it, it's the living force that fuel me to dream bigger, and now, desire must drop, and wanting must detach itself from my being, I must be one with my heart and soul. I must keep this promise close to my heart, that whatever that happens to me is an opportunity to grow and evolve. 

After all, all this was love and has always been love.

Go Ahead And Love

If loving someone, why being afraid to tell them? If wanting someone, why afraid to let them know? The thing we want the most is love, then why are we so afraid to show it? Your mind denied your affection for someone soul, it won't let you open up, because it threaten you, make you fearful, that you might be rejected for how you feel. 

If loving someone is to let them go, and not wanting to possess them as something you own, then you are one step up the ladder, you are loving unconditional. It's hard, but it's something worth trying. Your breath will be short, your heart will pound like crazy, your eyes might spill tears, but what is better than to love and be loved in return? Even though your love is unrequited, isn't it enough to just love without expectations and desire. 

But love without desire is mostly not passionate, if you love so much that your heart ache then it's the desire to love without any inhibition, you should honor that aching, a rose without thorns is not a rose. A love without desire is not love truly, even whatever that desire must be, but if it must be anything, then let that desire be to love without expectation, let it be unconditional. Because a long the line, you are just a soul experience a human form, but it's not impossible to love unconditional. You just have to learn the art of loving yourself, your feelings and your thoughts. If you are afraid to love, your heart will always direct you towards someone who will crack you open so that you can take a peek inside yourself and see that love is all there is.

Maybe to love is painful and hard, when the time spending together ends, but isn't it worth saving the memories and cherish time spend together? Love never end truly, but we just believe that this is the only life we have, but who know about the life after that or the life before that. Maybe we should let love decide our destiny. Whatever brought us here are watching over us. We must trust that love and have faith and patience with ourselves so that we might understand why we fear the thing we want the most. 

To persuade love to cleanse our pain and heartache are the only remedy we need to go on. What we fear the most, is what we need to love the most. Our fears aren't there for no reason. It learn us to honor our feelings, to not resist to face it and make it our friends instead of our enemies. Love is not complex, it's quite simple, the only reason is that our thoughts make it more difficult to understand our underlying fears towards it. While our heart paints our love with all the color it inhabit, our soul is eager to try once more and direct its love towards someone or something so we won't feel shallow or lonely. Go ahead, love with all your faults and imperfections, no one needs to know that you have feared to love or shed tears when glooming thoughts appear in your mind. 

You Are A Part of Me

Closer

When I'm lost, look for me, when I'm scared hold me close and hug me tight. In this world we don't own anything, but we still believe that which belong to us will always come back. Deep down in my heart I still believe that you will come back one day. You gave me a sign, a green light that I might act upon, but I'm too scare that you might disappear again. We have been through, the long chase, you were once there and then you left, you got back, but still you didn't want to settle and disappear again.

I was always chasing you, frantically and desperately, you were the runner and I'm the chaser. We were both afraid of the intense and intimate relation of our past to really stand still at one place face to face. Our beginning never reach the end. You might not be a part of my life, but you will never be apart from my heart. 

Even When There's Silence

How is that I find the joy in silence. The peace and the serenity, they dawned upon me like snowflakes. You have come into my life just like a gift I'm eager to open. In the waiting for you my longing seems to pile up inside my heart. Waiting and longing are inseparable, one comes first then the other follow. Each morning the sunbeams glowing through my curtains and adds more joy to my life. The dreams I had was close to reality, and each time I go to bed and lie my head on the pillow I think of you. I close my eyes and imagine how your sweet lips would touch mine. Your existence resolved the mysteries upon my dreams. I climb the staircase one by one when we speak the night away, and for each step I take, I'm getting closer to your soul. Mine soul or your soul would be the same, because we both are infuse with the same light. 

If I take the first step would you meet me half way? You give me a reason to not look back at the time tears were rolling and falling down from my eyes, and another reason to believe that I can once again fall in love. It's possible and without thinking the door to my heart has already been open to welcome you inside. You live there inside my heart and with the hope and the faith that tomorrow will brings us even closer. I live for that day and the only time I'm finding myself longing for someone so precious as you, my joy become more ecstatic even when there's silence.