Goodbye

She came and claim her place in my heart, and while I let her stay there inside my chest, I learned to let go. Because her staying wasn't for eternity, she decided once again to leave me like I was a joke. It wasn't funny though and I wish she would think differently, but her insecurity took a hold of her and she went away like she has never arrived. 

Was it her who left me or was it me who chased her away? The questions still linger on my mind and I felt like I become a different person in her eyes, a stranger. We were lover, then we become friends, but now we are two strangers who never look the same way or walk the same path. I don't understand her thinking and she couldn't understand mine. Would the love I have for her bring her back once again, or would it turn sour and bitter? Would the place in my chest become whole again or would it remains a hole that would never covered up? 

What would I do if I meet her on the street? Would it be ok to greet her with a smile? Or maybe she would walk past me without looking at my face.

The past can't be re-written. She has made a descision and I had to let her decide for herself. I wasn't surprised by her action, because it happens way to often. She is like that. Her head is full of things she regrets. Way more than I do. And this one made her miserable. The least thing I can do for her, is to release her from this pain of remebring her past mistake with me. It's sad though, because it wasn't a mistake for me to be her lover. I was her lover until recently, and I thought I would stay that way and still protect our friendship from afar. Now, she gets what she want. A zonefree atmosphere without me in her life. 

She left with a goodbye note last night. It was certainly our last farewell. I wish it was our first hello.

Heart

Heart

Beating,

I'm alive

But dead inside. 

Heart

Cramped up

Pain

Exploded 

In my chest. 

Heart,

Shrinked

Left vacant

No one is there

Heart

Someone

Please 

Fill it.  

Who Will?

I thought the world would end on christmas, but I was wrong. The day still goes on without a single care of what we might think of it. And no matter what I do, time just wont seems to stop. We - I’m still here. Living this unforfilling life. I bet the teacher don’t even care that I quit classes, what about my classmates? I guess they don’t even recognize me being their classmate at all. Honestly, I don’t seems to care anymore. I wouldn’t mind living or keep going with my life. I’m just like the rest of the people continuing on living like nothing happened. I still have to take injections, still have to wake up, eat, sleep and do my chores like I used to. My search for the truth slowly die out and I don’t even care for the answer anymore. I just want to live a peaceful life. Not just that, but I wish I wasn’t such a coward. A coward that doesn’t give a damn about how my life is going to be like. A coward that doesn’t make a change for myself or not giving enough effort to be a better human. I guess, I’m just being cynic about life and its contains. I just want it all to stop, just stop for a moment so I can catch my breath. I wonder if there’s someone out there who is waiting for me to walk by them, and make it all go away with a single touch. Yes, just a touch that would melt my heart and heat up the frost that lies in there. 

Time is so cruel when it’s slowly ticking away when I want it to move faster, and it’s playing a trick on me, when I want it to slow down it’s moving faster. It doesn’t co-operate with me at all, that just makes it harder and frustrating - unbearable. But still, I have to continue relying on it to keep me going. I wonder who is out there. Who is waiting. Watching and admiring me. Who will? 

Wanted

She is somewhere around the corner. Perhaps near the edge of the world. She might be waiting or rushing through the day free like a bird. I would like to know what she is doing and all the most what hides in her mind. I want to look through her eyes and see what she see. I want to feel with her heart so it can touch my soul. I want too much, but my desire shattered like glas hitting the floor. If you crack my heart open, you will see longing drips like tear drops and fills the river with loneliness. 

She is somewhere, so close but yet so far holding the key to the magic door to my heart. 

Strength

Sometime I wonder what makes me strong, but unluckily I still haven't found out the answer to that yet, on the other hand I think my strength come from the people that is most important to me. They whom stands beside me at all cost. And for that, I'm grateful for their existence.

Dance With Joy

In this time of silence
I checked in with my soul
I heard it call out my name
trying to get my attention
to tell me how important it is to

wake up and get going.

It nearly beg me to listen
for the clue it has lay on before me
I leap through the field and ignored the voices
Dancing happily with my soul
before I get back

to sleep.

Melody To My Song

I sought out for words 

to describe the feeling 

this song gave me,

but my words just scattered 

the sentence doesn't become a sentence, only

words that lies here and there. 

Eagerly waiting for me

to put it in the correct way 

so it will become a full sentence.

I forgot how to tune in with my heart,

I forgot the melody it sings to me

Oh, where are the notes,

the sheet of notes to my song.

How can I even forget such important thing! 

- Amaia Jenin