Change for The Better.

I long to go back home. "But home is already in your heart." Is it? At time I feel terrible broken and exhausted. The agony and pain of losing control suffocate me with an incredible tension and other time it numb my senses. "You can't keep controlling forever, change is inevitable." "Change is something that everyone is going through, whether good or bad, but actually, it's all good. If you resist change, it will of course feels painful, but if you let go, and just let if flow, you will feel more at ease, you know."

Yes, I guess everyone is forced to change at some point in life to be more comfortable with the idea that their comfort zone is expanding. I used to asked everyone else questions that I already know and act all 'dumb and naive' so that they will think that they're smart, but I never meant that they're any 'smarter' than me.. if you know what I mean. I must quit 'acting' that way, because I do know a lot.

I want to embrace my own inner voice and wisdom from now on. I have knowledge that is buried deep down inside me which I want to use to my own advantage till the time my friends and family (even people that I don't know) needs my guiding light. "To be a guiding light, you must first be your own guiding light." "Stop searching for answer outside yourself, while you already have all the answer you ever need inside your heart."

Sometime doing nothing makes you want to find something to do, but actually while you're doing 'nothing' you gets to 'do' a lot more that's more important than just 'doing' something to avoid boredom. I don't know if you get me or not on this. But what I mean, is ... "The doing arise from the heart and make you feel more fulfilled than if you blindly do something to get out of the silence and break the tranquility, and perhaps you even regret what you did." I'm not giving up on English, just so you know. *LOL* My inner voice is saving me again.

But still, I'm skeptic and not sure whether you understand that or not! "You're writing to yourself, there's no need to worry about others.. make it simple and easy for yourself rather than trying to make people understand your writing." That's true. I still learn to let go of the need of 'saving' people.... "Save yourself first and heal yourself first, be an example for other rather than lecturing them on what to do or not to do." "Give people the permission to shine their own light while you're shining your light."

"Everyone know already what to do, they only need to believe in themselves and be confident in who they are, this is just like what you're going through right now... is there anything else you would rather do than doing what you love to do?"

*Smiles* I wouldn't do anything that I don't want to do... why am I so skeptic and afraid of myself anyway? The light that is mine is not that powerful that makes people blind, is it? So why am I so afraid? "It's fear, fear of not being accepted for who you are, and fear for not being in control." "That's why change is so important to you right now, change of perception and your own reality... change from fear to love."

I want to embrace the divine love in me and while I'm doing that, I'll shine my light... at least turn it up a few notches. The truth is, I'm feeling more empowered than I used to, so it's positive after all when it comes to change. I want change... not within (and without) myself only, but change in the environment as well. What do you think? Do you think we need to change? And if yes, wouldn't it be great to change together for the better?

Sayonara, I'll speak with you again soon.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ