I Want A Woman

I want a woman who know her world,
I want a woman who dare to die just to be alive
and live her life to the fullest.

I want a woman who know what she feels
I want a woman who dare to show me how she really feels
and be true to her feelings.

I want a woman who's cute as her face,
I want a woman who's elegant as her look,
and dare to be who she is.

Wise, witty, charming and humorous as me.

I want a woman who let me be me.
I want a woman who's deep as the sea,
a woman who's deep enough
and never gets me bored with her talks
and she must definitely walks her talk.

I want a woman who wants me,
I want a woman who let me runs free
I want a woman who's carefree
but still wants to come back to me,
in the end of the night,
and at the beginning of the twilight.

I want a woman who's real,
I want a woman who I can really feel,
I want to feel her as much as I can,
I want a woman, and yes, NOT A MAN.

I want a woman who's girly, but not girly into her core.
I want a woman who has tons of sex-appeal,
a woman I can adore.

I want a woman, yes,
a woman -
and not a man!

Crystallized ƸӜƷ

The Vibration of Love.

The sound of love rings in my ears, vibrating throughout my body and it leave traces of electric vibrations to encircle every inch of me. My heart's beat beats joyfully in ecstasy when you're near me, it's just like a butterfly meets another butterfly when they're fluttering around and saluting each other into a beautiful sunrise morning.

My love for you is like those colorful butterfly wings, creating dynamic movements in a gracious manner to move ever closer to heaven. You're heaven, and earth is your oases. I live between both worlds in wonder and amazement.

You're the winged one, the ultimate love for humankind and for all creatures. Your love for the whole universe is for us lovers to indulge ourselves into and get spoiled for being the sons and daughters of God.

I'm in deep gratitude for your living existence. You're visible to innocence eyes to see how wonderful it is to live in harmony with Mother Earth. The word of love bear no burden to anyone who knows the truth of it. And what is the truth? The truth is surely not like anything of what we already know, because it's beyond human conception.

We must find the truth within our heart to grasp and to even understand your magnificent love and beauty which you had stored and painted with each gentle stroke in the scene before our very eyes. The beauty of nature and the sweetness in a little child's smile is painted by you, the benevolent one. What we see around us is what you're revealing to us. The good and the bad, but in short terms, whatever it is, it is unconditional love. It is what it is.

We must not only see it, but feel it as well. That's how brilliant your love truly is. How can I describe it? Please sing through me, because I loved the tunes you're playing with your harp. It creates harmony in my mind and reminds me of the love that I'm possessing myself.

"I always played with my harp, to guide you, you've been listening, and you listened well, because you are singing the song by being that which you are. You're the almighty I am, that I am. Grasp it, know it, understand it with your heart, it's everything for me. Your heart, is everything to me. The one thing I treasure about you, and the secret to it, is, I treasure everything about you. Don't search for any other love that is more dynamic than the Divine Love. Don't search for any other truth, than the truth of the heart, and this is if you really want to live in harmony with anyone, you shall then be faithfully to your heart, thus faithfully to me. That's the only thing I ever wanted for you to be. Trust in yourself, even if you doubt for a moment in silence and won't utter a word to anyone else but yourself, trust in your own knowing and intuition, because I convey my message through your with all that I am. Grasp it, know it, and contemplate on it. Trust and faith are what you need when you're in a frustrating state of mind."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ

I Stillhet

Det er så mye kjærlighet i meg som vil komme til uttrykk, men jeg finner ikke ord til å beskrive det. Jeg føler at jeg har skrevet sider opp og sider ned om kjærlighet, tro og fred allerede. Jeg tenker at det er ikke så viktig om jeg kan beskrive de følelsene jeg har så lenge jeg lever ut den kjærligheten med forsiktighet og klarhet. "Det er mange ting du kan få gjort, ved å bare være... i stillhet, la det kommer naturlig."

Hodet er helt blank og jeg kjenner at jeg er værende i kroppen. Jeg er mer komfortabel med å være her på Jorda med den kroppen jeg har. Jeg har ikke mye å klage over. Jeg har egentlig ikke noe å klage på, bortsett fra en lengsel om å bli totalt hel innvendig. Samtidig som jeg lengte etter min andre halv, føler jeg at egoet mitt dør. Jeg har hverken interesse i å lese bøker eller å skrive noe. Det er deilig og fredelig her inne i hjertet, for hvert hjertepuls er en påminnselse på at jeg er fortsatt levende. Dette minne meg på at jeg skal bare ta den tiden jeg trenger. Jeg er sikker på at jeg en dag kan få gjort noe som jeg kan være stolt over.

Og akkurat nå får jeg bare bruker tiden fornuftig - i stillhet.

I stillhet hører jeg alt,

samtidig ingenting.

Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Reunited Under The Heavenly Sky.

- The Eye of Prince and Crystallized Butterfly met once again under the night sky full of sparkling stars. -

The Eye of Prince: ((((((((((Amaia))))))))))) "Princess of the blazin orion."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: Aah, Eye Of Prince!!

The Eye of Prince: "Swimmer of the salted seas."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Flutter.. and sits on his shoulder*

The Eye of Prince: "Eye praise your existence in this moment. You are creation at her most joyful. Let us climb the iroko tree and hear the owls."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Lets us! I would want to hear what the owls has to say. About love, about life of being the wise one. The one who sweep through the night sky, and sit on the iroko tree by day and bathe itself in the limelight of the sun."

The Eye of Prince: ((((((((((hoot)))))))))))))))) "They'll tell us how to raise sand and move in the cosmic dance."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Flutter and smiles*

The Eye of Prince: *Imagining amaia now*

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: # *Speechless* ... "I'm speechless.. too teach one must first learn. Yes, I want to learn how to raise sand and move in the cosmic dance. I want to teach it later to my beloved lover."

The Eye of Prince: "Yes, that is what existence sings to us. That we in stillness speak of our longings, and she shall show us to all our heavens."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Smiles* "I love to be in stillness, and speak through my heart-space sanctuary. She, our Divine Mother Earth, speaks of love and tells me fairy-tale. She used to cry oh, her tears are so sacred, I wanted to gather more love to ease her pain. She is now in joy, because we're here with her. She sings and hums the tune of love and light. Sacred is her flesh and bones.

They didn't know, they burned her skin. I .. *in grief* smelled it in the air.."

The Eye of Prince: "And life is full of her goodness..ah, when she opened mine eyes to her rivers and the skies that she birth. Her mysteries, in darkness and the blazing illumination. Her creatrix power within the sacred snake, eye had no choice but to kneel before her and beg her hand as my bride, mother, sistar, daughter and lover. That eye may look upon her anew. Dead and reborn. Risen in infinite flight above her deep sun eyes, above the doors of her secret chambers."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "She arise like phoenix, through the heat and fire. She is everything, man can't be without her, we are like empty vases, without sweet beautiful flower, if we are to be without our Mother Earth, I rather let myself be dusted of this vast world and follow her through darkness times untill we reach the light .. where our Divine Father God is waiting for us."

The Eye of Prince: "You ,truly are her daughter. Innocent daisy feeding bees in the soft meadows of her heart we shall heal her wounds,which we all share. Even those who remain blind to her touch.. we shall with harp, flute, song and sweetness of rainbow colored love heal her. GAIA IS ALIVE."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "I am, I am.. she taught me to be compassionate with man, she is eternal, she forgives and I learned to forgive men and forgives myself, that I to often forgot to shine even in grief and sadness over the longing of her well being. Yes, I will with my harp and you with your flute, sing the song of peace and harmony! ((( ♥ )))"

The Eye of Prince: "YES, we felt her pain. Deep and sad. Dark and the despair of her loneliness. But she became our salvation and showed us that pain is only a door to joy...ah Amaia, GOD is so pleased with you. Eye feel such an intense light from you. She taught me not to worry or judge myself anymore. To express myself as eye wished. Showed me the illusions of reality and opened the portals of dream world so she could join me in her eternal paradise. We look forward to having you in our midst in the cherubim gardens. We await your healing sounds."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "She never dies, my Divine Mother Earth, because she resurface from the fire.. man can't kill our beloved Divine Mother Earth, because she is eternal. And why so? *smiles*

Because, Divine Father God is there to protect her, telling His children with soothing voice... "Children, the guns you bear, is nothing but toys" ... and bullets becomes flowers... *smiles* He is a magician. I love Him dearly. He taught me to be empowered from the depth of my soul. and she, the divine feminine, goddess of my life, the sweet pastry, the crust around my heart, and the light within that crust, has given me the name of Miracle."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "And to their surprise, Miracles happens everyday.. but did they believed in me? Some of them do, but some of them don't even believe in themselves. My name, is not mine alone, didn't they know.... I share my light with them, and they're from the same essence as me. Come hear, I will tell you a secret..... "

*Whisper* "They too are Miracles.. and I am sure of that. My Divine Father God taught me that... because I know.. they're my brothers and sistars. and I love them! Miracles are US!"

The Eye of Prince: "LIFE IS A MIRACLE. That which created itself and is complete in and of itself its so amazing that that which we see, we do not yet understand, talk less of that which is unseen eye speak to father always. Praising him for such a creation. Calling him master LORD. From the flight of insects and birds to the walking and talking of man life is such an amazing truth. Sometimes eye just breathe it all in and not think at all."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Yes, that's why I kept myself standing firm, even when my feet faltered and I fell oh so many times, by trying to run too fast. *Laughing* I still rise up and dust myself off and live the life I so dearly love to live!"

The Eye of Prince: "Yes, and eye feel the pure pleasure you are in Infact eye am pulsing that eye have found my long lost sistar, and where did eye find her? In the succulent bosom of mama.................we fell and fell, we both. We have been through pain and hurt, only so we can embrace with all our heart, her JOY"

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "I too like to be in silence and contemplate on the mystical of life, and spoke only of love. Because that's the only thing I have in my mind. Ah, I am so glad that you found your long lost sistar. She must be noble and beautiful. As we all really are, if we dare to believe in ourselves." *Smiles*"

The Eye of Prince: "You, Amaia are my long lost sistar found and yes, you are noble, innocent and pure as eye had envisioned"

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "You spoke of me? *Flutter* I thought you meant someone else! *Laughing* I knew it, but I wasn't sure. My brotha, our mama must be very happy right now! because we found each other after all these lifetimes."

The Eye of Prince: *Laughing* "Haha you are my flesh and blood. In the nurture of mama. After many lifetimes, still our heart beats as one."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Because we're of same flesh and blood

The Eye of Prince: "And our voice has been the same. Our dreams and dance will forever be one *cosmic hug* let us try out our new wings. Fly to shamballa and eat jellybeans while looking at our past lives together."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Oh brother, I have so much love in me, but I can't find the words to describe. So all I do, is to be... BEing, the love.. in silence, giving away my light. I want to reach shamballa with you and meet our ancestor. Lets reunite with them and celebrates life together!"

The Eye of Prince: ((((((((((((((((((QUIET STORM)))))))))))(eye feel your Love and intensity, as a rose rejoicing at the morning, that affection shall see its face. (BE)(BE)(be) Let it be, like the beatles sang. Thank you for being you. A Light to grace my dawn.

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: We radiate different light, but the essence is the same. ~~ ((( ♥ ))) ~~

# ...

**** To Be Continue ****

The Voice of Love.

The Eye of Prince: "My Miracle."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Smiles*

The Eye of Prince: "Miracle of Love, Miracle of creation, Miracle of innocence, Miracle of purity."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Flutter*

The Eye of Prince: "Eye shall sing to the skies and every bird in flight of Butterfly, the innocent one"

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "My creation and creativity is in the air you breathe, thus we breathe in the same air and I will and shall hear your song."

The Eye of Prince: "And we are the air. Always have been one."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "That's why you recognize my heart song."

The Eye of Prince: "It plays beautifully in my hearts sanctuary. As children on a sunday afternoon. As a nightingale. You are so cherished butterfly, your innocence shines."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Yes, I feel the love that shone through when midnight sun fade out. I felt the love and life as one, and nothing can hinder my love to all beings. I'll gather more holy waters and light to fill my beloved's longing abyss."

The Eye of Prince: "You are the rising of the tiger at the gates of dawn, the warmth of wolf mother."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Oh, how deeply cherished are your words.. I feel noble while reading them. This is how I would like to talk, sing and walk.. like royalty of divinity, flutter and flying.. it's like a light cape which warmth my being."

The Eye of Prince: "((((ah))))Then let us speak the beauty of Lakes and spring. Let our voices evoke the heavens at the crossroads where we meet to part never again. My eternal one."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Then I shall sing. This love can't be compared to the love of man.. this love is the love of divinity, of heaven and of Mother Earth. Lets tip toe on the surface of the water and make ripples in joyous dance." "My harp, I must tune it..."

- # *Flutter down and bring in the harp to tune it.*

The Eye of Prince: "We will sit by the waterfalls and hanging gardens (((((((((((((((((((((ooOHMmm) (silence(song)))) strings that tell of palaces and creation. Our music of hearts, we'll run with the horses, through mountains and valleys, through mirages quickened at our imagining, seeing with ONE EYE @."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "The EYE of the oneness love, of burning desire to be as a lens to burn down all walls in humanity's heart."

The Eye of Prince: "WE SHALL REMIND ALL PEOPLES OF GOD. Our common bone restored all voices and senses flowing as the ocean rested on seraphim wings."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Eye shall take our song and make it known for man to sing. They shall listen and feel with their heart, our passion for each other and for them. All voices will be as one."

The Eye of Prince: "With flowers in our hair, gathered by the forests, together with trees, Gaia is us."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "All creatures will sit by our feet, we all will be so blissful. Because Mother Earth will speak to us with her soft calm voice."

The Eye of Prince: "And we will know what she says before she even speaks and laughter will be the clouds."

Mother Earth, Gaia: "Sing now my daughters and sons, your song is like silk, covering me, oh how harmonious it is to have you here in this time on me, as I birth the world into the Golden Age."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Yes, we knew what she would say. That's why we are here, gathering more flowers and crystals as offerings to her.

The Eye of Prince: *Counting the gemstones.* "Lapis Lazuli offered to her rivers, Amethyst offered at her heart space, Rainbows as tears of joy. Spirits of devotion and agape."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "I have the permission of our Divine Father God to be here and play with you. As innocence kids we are. How lovely to be met by your smile and .... ah, how I desire for you to finish my words. I know you already knew what I would say. My heart is smiling with joy while I play on my harp."

The Eye of Prince: "Yes Butterfly, eye feel the shapes of your sounds, tetahedra of garnet. Eye shall blow bamboo flute to the forest nymphs dance horns of pan and joyous ecstacy (((((ah)))))(( Harp OF HEAVEN(()))))))))) PLAY that distant stars descend upon our horizons, you are the MOUTH OF GOD 7."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Oh, how our song enhance the life we've here on earth. The Mouth of God is delicate, I shall play with the tune like silk touching His Mouth. It's by light and love I have for Mother Earth and her inhabitants."

The Eye of Prince: "Yes, this truly wonderous. Creation. Being. Love. Loving."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "My harp will not be dusted by the ego of man, but to be loved by me. But not me alone, but by all who know its worth."

The Eye of Prince: "And it is worth a million lifetimes of splendora, pink thoughts and healing frequencies, solfreggio. You are the bosom of Mother. Warm. Full. Milk. Honey."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "It's the taste of warm, full, milk, honey that make man sweet. They become enchanted and their smile is worth more than the bosom alone. I yearned for them to gather themselves fragments of bliss, to be fully blissful."

The Eye of Prince: "You are the jewel of she that hears the whispers of water. The dancer in PANDORA."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "The song must take a silent note, we must not exhausted our harp and flute. Let's be for a while in this silence.. and contemplate on the Love of our Divine Parents."

The Eye of Prince: "Yes. (o) in a space of zero."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: So it is. *Flutter and fly away from the Harp*

- # *Flying back after a little while...*

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: "Shall I name you The Eye of Prince. You who see me with clarity and purity."

The Eye of Prince: "Yes. Do name me. This an honour to be called Eye of prince, given by the heart of she. There is no stain in your eyes, you are the linen of mary, the cotton and shroud of yeshua, the healing of hands."

Crystallized ƸӜƷ: *Flutter away...*

My Sweetness.

When the holy bell rings, arise my love, my Miracle, do not look after me, just know that I'm your shadow, I will follow you with each step you take. I might not be your prince in this lifetime, but I'll certainly love you as a lover loves himself.

When the holy bell rings twice, and darkness surrounds your being, don't look down my love, look up to the sky where all stars lies.

When the holy bell rings the third time and you haven't seen the sun yet, don't be anxious for me, my dear; your shadow. Know that the moon will lighten up your way as you look forward without any doubt of what to do, march now towards your goal with easy steps.

The moon and the stars lend me a helping hand to be there for you every step of your way in the dark hours. This is my promise; light is always within your heart. And you will see the sun in a different light, for it will be lightly caressing and kissing your skin with its warmth when it rises again in the morning.

There is so much love in this universe for you to indulge yourself into. Ask and you will receive, knock and the door will be open, believe and you will see. Have faith, if not in me, then at least in yourself. Remember what I told you, be your Higher Self and remember your royalty. I've known you long before we met, and that is what I see in this lifetime, when I look into your eyes.

We are as one in two bodies, and the love I feel deep down my heart, is the love I know you have within you as well. That's the only reason for me to believe in you. I believe you can make wonder wherever you go, by merely be there with your royalties and beauty without even to saying a word. Your presence is enough for a man to bow his head to silently or even loudly contemplate the love and beauty in his own inner Goddess.

If you still can't hear the holy bell ring in your inner ears, knows that deep down you already are the holy bell when you spoke words of wisdom and clarity with your soft firm voice. Your love for the world is what sustain you and it's what remain inside my heart endlessly.

These words are not written to be read out loud for those who can't read only, but also to those who can't hear to silently feeling the vibration inside their core. They all know about Miracle and I pray, they might also understand what Miracle stands for. Who are they? Little did they know, that Miracle is in their hearts and they too must believe in themselves to understand that they are Miracles as well.

That way, they will protect you... my Miracle, my love. I ask them to keep this little secret, to never speak of you in an ill manners. Because you're to me Holy and you're to be holy, complete and whole; in all ways.

I ask of you, to see yourself as whole and holy, sit on your throne and know your worth, that's the only way you'll protect my kingdom of heaven and me with my Miracle without any fault. Remember this little secret that I yearned to whisper in your ear if I was to be there beside you; Miracle is you, you're Miracle; Whoever you think you are.

Tell me now, what do you want? Tell the universe of your desire, Miracle, and always focus with accuracy of the thing you wish to have and know with certainty that you will receive it. Feels it, that you are the lover of my life, and you shall be treated with respect and honor.

Why wouldn't I give my lover what she so dearly desire, didn't she know that I AM her Universe and she is my sweetness I secretly tucked inside my own inner depth of soul?

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

I'm Your Shadow, You're My Light.

I sat by the riverside and watched the midnight sun fade into the night sky, in that moment I made a true revelation of our love for each other. I realize that I'm your shadow and you're my light. By the morning I'll be your light and you my shadow at night - we have never been separated even for a short moment. We are one breath closer to each other than what I ever thought we were. We are so entangled as one soul in two bodies that we couldn't discern ourselves from each other.

Every breath you take is me breathing into your existence. Our love is fulfilled and we have our midnight sun in our day to day life time, in darkness I'm your light, and in the morning glory you're my shadow all over again. We'll forever be as one uniting under and below the heaven skies.

You're beautiful. Your light shines through, and even the darkness couldn't encompass you, because I'm your lens. It's by my burning desire for your well being in all ways that had made me completely desire less and humbled. Your will is my will, without you I'm merely darkness who knows nothing about true inner light; you.

What I've been seeing without me was truly something within me. I who craved to taste euphoria, hasn't yet tasted it, but bliss has followed my path and watched over my happiness. I needn't return to take another road, but walking firmly forward with full faith and trust in you; divinity.

Must there always be light in your life, so you will always see me, your shadow.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Pathway To Heaven.

"Do you remember the potholes? If you give your focus and attention on fixing the potholes, you will create more of them. As you remember how to manifest, by remembering how to intent and create from the heart, you will choose to walk around the potholes with grace. Keep walking with awareness, and see the potholes for potholes, and it will only be a free road with beautiful flower on the wayside. Enjoy your journey with your greatest tool; Your Awareness."

"If you are aware, you wouldn't want to stumble blindly into the potholes, now would you? And the time you use to fix the potholes, you can use it on something else, like watching the beautiful scenario in-front of you; Your glorious future." "Nothing is better than having the awareness and discern whether your reality serve you or not."

"True awareness in the mind creates possibilities to approach life anew instead of reacting and creating the same old over and over again. The now moment gives you no time to think of the past or future, you only experience your life from a new perception, and your reality will change within a breath by breathing deeply enough. You will remember how precious life is and how much you appreciate your breath; Stay in gratitude."

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Jeg Vil Huske-r.

Jeg fant ut at sandkassen er fult av kattelort, dermed vil jeg ikke leke der mer. Jeg vil sitte på husken, for å 'huske' hvem jeg er fra nå av. Jeg vil sitter på husken og 'husker' hvordan det føles å fly, helt til den dagen jeg virkelig flyr.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

My Lovely Goddess

My lovely Goddess -

she dwells forever and ever in my heart as a sweet pastry of my life.

I bow my head in silence,

while I contemplate on the love of her benevolence heart.

Her wisdom is truly cherished with no hesitation from my side.

In her heart-space sanctuary is where she reside,

while she moves me with her guiding tune of light.

I abide and take her quest with ease and pride,

Never would I turn my back on those who needs my guiding light.

She always remind me of my butterfly wings,

and I remember being a human angel with one missing wing.

I, as a human angel needs only to love,

a love so divine and so bright as the starlight

makes my void grows -

I'm growing another wing,

and love myself as God loves everyone and everything.

Ps: Always remember, and never forget, what you give is what you get;

she meant what she said, she said what she meant,

you must keep being loyal and faithful to her 100 percent.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Empty Your Heart for Worries

Listen, my Love. Empty your heart for worries and let your mind rest. Let your soul breathe and give me your sorrow. I want to make you feel at ease.

Nothing is certain. Not for today, neither tomorrow. What you think might not turn out the way you want it to be, but I know you still want to do it anyway.

And I support you, for what reason is there not to? When all you do is given away your love and light. I know you the best, because I am your Lover, am I not?

The one whom have been there for you when tears kept falling down your cheeks? Who gently caressing you when you needed a hug? Who listened to you when nobody does?

Me, your Lover.

So don't be afraid to open up your heart, empty it with worries. I will fill the void for you with love and nothing but love. I have done it before, and I am willing to do it again.

Standing beside you, supporting you. And in time of need, I will devote all my time to you. Whenever you lack courage to do what your heart yearned for, I will give you a push and whisper hope in your ear.

"Don't be afraid, your love is light shining up the way," said the beloved moon.

"And I am here, I am right here for you, encourage you to do what your heart desire," twinkled the bright brilliant star.

See, even when the night has fallen down the city, you are still protected and cared for. Your heart will beat joyfully and your smile will lit up the whole world to see. That's why I tell you, my Love, don't be afraid to open up your heart and empty your worries -

give me your sorrow and worries.

You are loved and cared for.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Tenk Selv.

(Dette er hva bevisstheten kan gjøres og ikke gjøres mot vår Moder Jord.)

Drit i hva andre gjør og velger. Velg selv og tenk selv. Ikke hør blindt på meg, jeg følger bare mitt hjerte. Det er alt jeg vet for nå. Følg ditt hjerte, og sett dine egne fotspor. Det er hva du velger og ønsker som er viktigst nå. Det du velger påvirker faktisk andre, bevisst eller ubevisst. (Høres sikkert manipulerende ut, men det er egentlig bare oppmuntring *smiler fornøyd.*)

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Min Hverdag Og Eventyr På Moder Jord.

I dag følgte jeg lillesøsteren min og datteren hennes til togstasjonen. Jeg var ikke alene om å ta følge med dem, men moren min og mine to nieser var også med. Vi tenkte først at vi skulle ta bussen ned til byen også deretter ta bussen videre til strandtorget, men jeg tenkte på Kimmy som har med seg barnevognen og selv om svogeren min ville ha kjørt henne tilbake til togstasjonen, men barnevognen ville ikke ha passet inn i baggasjerommet, for det har vi prøvd. Jeg tenkte det høyt og hun var enig med meg, derfor ombestemte vi oss og ble igjen på togstasjonen inntil Kimmy drar med toget.

Jeg skriver sjeldent om livet mitt, men akkurat nå passer det veldig godt å bare fletter inn hverdagen min med eventyret mitt. Jeg har en ide om å skrive et eventyr for små barn og for voksne mennesker til å lese, men det for være til en annen gang. Tilbake til hverdagen min;

Mens vi satt der lenge på stasjonen, spanderte jeg så klart på familien min. Jeg bestilte varm sjokolade melk til niesene mine, te og suppe til meg selv, og kaffe til moren min, Kimmy var ikke tilstede da, for hun hadde allerede dratt til narvesen for å kjøpe seg noe for å spise mens Angela sover søtt i vognen sin.

Jo, her kommer det jeg vil snakke om, men først må jeg forklare hva som skjedde - (Jeg har alltid trodd jeg er dårlig til å forklare og sjeldent liker å forklare meg for andre om hva som plager meg og hva som utgjør oppførselen min, men denne gangen legger jeg til side den troen og skrive fra hjertet mitt med et rolig tempo.) det som skjedde var at jeg spiste blomkål suppe, som var igjen og fikk halv pris på det.

*Ler* Det er så typisk meg å ønsker å spise noe så lett som suppe. Poenget mitt er at jeg tror jeg ble syk etter suppen, pluss det jeg spiste på morgenen, spaghetti fra boks! Jeg tenkte lenge at det måtte være det som fikk meg til å føle meg så dårlig innvendig, det svømte kjøtt og blomkål suppe som var igjen i magen min, for en herlig følelser det er å ville kaste opp (not.)

Dette var da jeg oppdaget da jeg kom hjem, kroppen sank ned til et veldig lavt temperatur, eller kanskje det var høyt? Jeg vet ikke, men jeg fikk frysninger over hele kroppen og følte som jeg ville få feber, men akkurat nå som jeg fikk spist i meg et eple føler jeg meg bedre. Det er akkurat som utsagnet; Eat an apple a day keeps the doctor away. Moren min tilbydde meg fisk og ris, men jeg følte en kvalme så fort jeg luktet på maten, så jeg valgte å spise et eple istedet. Det fikk meg til å tenke at det er på tide å slutte med å spise kjøtt og velger en sunnere kost?

Hele denne episoden fikk meg til å ligge rolig under dyna og konverserte med Guddommelig Mor og Guddommelig Far. Jeg spurte dem en rekker spørsmål, som f.eks - Er det greit å bli syk? Ville ikke det være en byrde for andre at jeg er syk? "Nei, ingenting av det er sant, for du er hverken en byrde eller en pest bare fordi kroppen plutselig følte for å skrus ned eller opp på temperaturet." Det hørtes egentlig veldig barnslig ut å prate med noen som de fleste ikke tror på, men for meg er det veldig ekte. Jeg mener at det er en Guddommelig kraft som fødet meg og plasserte meg her på Moder Jord, Hun er også en foreldre for meg, like ekte som mine biologiske foreldrer.

Det er eventyret som jeg snakker om. Hvem skulle ha trodd at Moder Jord er virkelig levende som også har en stemme i å si hva vi gjør mot henne og ikke bare mot henne, men mot oss selv også, hvorfor skulle hun ikke si noe? Hun elsker oss jo!? Jeg ror meg litt bort, men dette er min lidenskap. Jeg føler at jeg kjemper for en sak, men denne saken står jeg ikke alene om!

Uansett, det jeg mener er at jeg har alltid følt meg som en byrde bare fordi jeg føler meg skjør og blir lett syk, den lille troen som ble plassert i bevisstheten min siden jeg var et lite barn. Jeg rammet av en sykdom som kalles for asma. Det tok pusten av meg i mange lange måneder, og moren min måtte bære meg i armen hennes hver natt for at jeg kunne puste og sove fredelig.

Dette går enda lengre tilbake til at jeg og familien min egentlig var båtflyktninger. Ser du, jeg kjempet selv etter alle disse årene helt siden jeg var liten av, hvem kan tro at jeg er så sterk, som klarte meg så fint som til nå? Men jeg kunne ikke ha gjort det alene, uten mine foreldrer og de som var rundt meg som ville mitt beste. Dette får meg til å føle meg tryggere på livet og på de som virkelig ønsker å hjelpe meg, selv om det kan være uenigheter oss i mellom.

*Ler* Jeg er så flink til å ro meg bort, men alt henger sammen som du ser. Hvis jeg ikke har gått igjennom alt det, så ville jeg ikke ha noe å referere tilbake til og sammenligne med. Det er som å lære igjen på nytt å unngå å bli skadet, men egentlig så er det bare å huske igjen sin egen Guddommelighet.

Det er en langt historie, som jeg nokså kommer til å fortelle deg senere, men saken er at jeg følte meg mye bedre etter å ha lyttet til Guddommelig Far og Guddommelig Mor, med andre ord, de er et høyre bevissthet en kroppen min. Det er den bevisstheten som fikk meg til å føle meg bedre, og det bildet der moren min ønsker å spise meg levende var bare en tro om at jeg var en byrde for henne.

*Ler* Jeg er så barnslig, men ærlighet varer lengst. Sannheten er at jeg var redd for å dø, og virker svak og at hun kanskje ikke ville elske meg mer og ville forlate meg i syke sengen, men samtidig så føler jeg at jeg har stoltheten min, en sta side ved meg som ønsker å klare meg selv og ikke ville vise min svakhet. Og ja, etter stund kom moren min faktisk ned å be meg om å komme opp for å spise, men jeg var trofast mot kroppen min, for jeg følte jo en kvalme av lukten av stekt fisk. Jeg fortalte henne hva jeg følte der og da, og hun sa faktisk dette;

"Kjære deg, ikke spis noe som ikke er bra for kroppen din, du må hvile masse og du vet, jeg vil bare at du skal bli frisk, det er det jeg ønsker for deg. På morgenen skal jeg tilbrede noe godt til deg, så ikke tenk så mye, bare hvil deg. Er det noe annet du vil spise nå?"

Jeg tenkte straks på eple, for jeg føler at det er riktig å spise noe frisk og godt som ikke lukter død. *Ler igjen* Jeg følte meg ganske bortskjemt der og da, men hvis jeg ikke lar henne vise meg kjærlighet så vil jeg fortsatt holder på den troen om at jeg er uelsket. Derfor var det bare godt for meg å motta kjærlighet. Det var et utrolig godt forsøk for meg å føle meg bedre igjen. Og det du ber om skal du få. Jeg fikk eplet mitt og er til og med frisk nok til å skrive denne historien til deg.

Den som er syk skal få lov til å føle seg syk og heales i sitt eget tempo, og den som vil ta vare på deg, skal få lov til å ta vare på deg. Den personen skal gjøre det ut ifra sitt eget indre medlidenhet og ikke av tvang. Jeg hadde ikke ønsket å tvinge mamma til å være sittende fast med meg, hvis jeg var dødende nær, men jeg vet godt at innerst inne, så vil hun så klart være nær meg før jeg tar av og flyr min vei, men dette skal gjøres fra hjertet og ikke fra at man skal late som man er 'god.' Dessuten, hvorfor skal man late som når man egentlig er god fra før av innerst inne?

Poenget mitt er at begge skal ærlig innrømmer for seg selv og for hverandre (hvis de ønsker det,) etterhvert med å gi slipp på "skyldfølelsen." Det er ingen som har skylden på sykdommen, og selv om vi hadde funnet hundre tusen grunner for det så hadde ikke løst problemet. Vi trenger bare å stole på den Guddommelig kraften i oss, og ha tillit til at vi kan ta ansvar selv for det vi har gjort og heales fra 'bedragelige tanker' om skyldfølelse og skam.

Hva er så skamfull i å føle seg redd og liten? Et barn hadde ikke tenkt den tanken, med mindre vi planter det i barnet bevissthet. Så vær så snill, tenk to ganger før du skjefter på barnet ditt, og ikke mindre ditt indre barn. Dets eksistens var for at du skal huske hvem du er, at du elsker og er uskyldig. Vi kan ikke eksisterer uten hverandre. Hvis et lite pusle spill er borte fra bevisstheten, ville ikke bildet bli fullført.

Og ja, Moder Jord har en stemme i dette. Hun er ekte, like ekte som at jeg sitter her på den andre siden av verden å skrive til deg. Hun vil ditt beste... men hva gjorde du mot henne og likevel fortsetter å gjøre mot henne? Du ga henne kanskje skylden for alt eksosen og forgiftningen av maten, men det er på tide og lete etter sannheten. Hun har bare vært der og passet på at du får nok og føler deg elsket. Hvor ligger bevisstheten din nå? Vil du husker nå at du er med på å bidra til forgiftning av vann og luften du puster i.

Jeg skal være ærlig med deg, under min egen forstyrret og dramatisk oppvåkning kunne jeg lukte LUFTA vi så meget puster inn, og det LUKTER SHITT!! Det lukter faen meg bedriten.. (beklager for banningen, jeg liker ikke å banne, men jeg skal bare skrive fra hjertet og det kommer som det kommer.) Lukten av brent røkt av dødd hud... det er hennes hud og hår du brenner for å få energi til elektrisitet. Kjære vene. Jeg for bare være mer bevisst fra nå av om hva jeg gjør mot min egen Moder Jord og min biologiske mor som samarbeide med å bringe meg hit til Jorda og ikke minst meg selv.

.............. skjønner du hvor jeg kommer fra nå? Hvor vi alle egentlig kommer fra? Vi er alle i hennes livmor akkurat nå og hun lar oss vokser slik at vi er sterke nok til å dra avgårde på vår egen eventyr og kommer trygt hjem igjen etter en lang reise. (Det er egentlig den hverdagen vi lever i.) Hva velger vi nå? Eller hva vil du velger nå? Jeg mener ikke å fortelle deg hva du skal gjøre, det får du tenker på selv. Jeg vil bare skrive fra min egen opplevelser og velger å være mer bevisst. Jeg elsker dere alle sammen, derfor vil jeg ikke leker barnslig med dere lenger. Jeg må vokse opp nå.

Btw, jeg er frisk som en fisk, det kalles indre healing i bevisstheten. *Smiler fornøyd.*

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Mitt Indre Barn

Jeg føler det igjen, følelsen av å være uelsket. Frykten for å bli forlatt kryper seg langsomt nærmere og nærmere meg. Jeg skal virkelig innrømmer at det er en forferdelig følelse som jeg ikke har lyst til å føle, men likevel, når jeg ser på det så er det bare en uskyldig følelse. Som et lite barn ventet på å bli erkjent.

"Overgir, overgir og øs mer kjærlighet til det lille barnet i deg." "Det lille barnet vil bare bli elsket slik den er..." "Bare vær ærlig, innrøm det... tiden er inne for å gi slipp på frykten og vit at du er elsket." "Lytt til ditt indre barn og gi slipp på frykten, gjør det for deg selv."

Greit, jeg skal være ærlig med deg, det er vondt å tro på illusjonen om at jeg er uelsket og forlatt! Det er ikke det jeg vil for andre, og mest av alt vil jeg ikke det for meg selv. Det gjør vondt, det gjør V-O-N-D-T! Jeg orker ikke mer... Det er dritt å tro på noe som ikke er sant, jeg vil bare være den jeg er. Og det betyr ikke at andre ikke skal få lov til å være den de er. Vi kan være...

"Bare være..." Er det greit å elske uansett? "Klart det er, for du er skapt i kjærlighet og lys, det er bare logisk å elske... for den du er, er av kjærlighet."

Jaa.. du vet, jeg vil bare elske akkurat slik jeg er. Jeg vil bare elske verden som et lite barn, jeg vil elsker alt ting som min Guddommelig Far har lært meg å elske.

*Ber; Kjære Guddommelig Far, jeg ber deg, la meg være sterk og stødig i mitt eget lys. La meg spre kjærlighet fra mitt indre.. la meg bringer frem beskjeden din med klarhet, slik at ingen vil føler seg uelsket og forlatt mer på Moder Jord.

Pssst: La meg huske hvordan det var å være uskyldig som et barn igjen, jeg husker litt og litt, at du lærte meg å være et barn uten frykt for kjærlighet. Du lærte meg å ha det morro uansett hvordan situasjonen er.

Pssst psst.. : Jeg vil HUSKE. Takk for at du lar meg.

Åh, en ting til, kan du sender flere Engler ned til Moder Jord? Jo flere jo bedre.. Du vet hvor mye jeg elsker henne, og alle de andre. Englene vet hvem jeg er! De kjenner meg, for jeg husker ... jeg... ja.. du vet, vingene mine. Jeg husker dem. Det er en hemmelighet mellom oss to.. Du vet, jeg vet, Englene vet, det er nok det. Takk igjen min Guddommelig Far. *smiler fornøyd for seg selv*

Amen*

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Change for The Better.

I long to go back home. "But home is already in your heart." Is it? At time I feel terrible broken and exhausted. The agony and pain of losing control suffocate me with an incredible tension and other time it numb my senses. "You can't keep controlling forever, change is inevitable." "Change is something that everyone is going through, whether good or bad, but actually, it's all good. If you resist change, it will of course feels painful, but if you let go, and just let if flow, you will feel more at ease, you know."

Yes, I guess everyone is forced to change at some point in life to be more comfortable with the idea that their comfort zone is expanding. I used to asked everyone else questions that I already know and act all 'dumb and naive' so that they will think that they're smart, but I never meant that they're any 'smarter' than me.. if you know what I mean. I must quit 'acting' that way, because I do know a lot.

I want to embrace my own inner voice and wisdom from now on. I have knowledge that is buried deep down inside me which I want to use to my own advantage till the time my friends and family (even people that I don't know) needs my guiding light. "To be a guiding light, you must first be your own guiding light." "Stop searching for answer outside yourself, while you already have all the answer you ever need inside your heart."

Sometime doing nothing makes you want to find something to do, but actually while you're doing 'nothing' you gets to 'do' a lot more that's more important than just 'doing' something to avoid boredom. I don't know if you get me or not on this. But what I mean, is ... "The doing arise from the heart and make you feel more fulfilled than if you blindly do something to get out of the silence and break the tranquility, and perhaps you even regret what you did." I'm not giving up on English, just so you know. *LOL* My inner voice is saving me again.

But still, I'm skeptic and not sure whether you understand that or not! "You're writing to yourself, there's no need to worry about others.. make it simple and easy for yourself rather than trying to make people understand your writing." That's true. I still learn to let go of the need of 'saving' people.... "Save yourself first and heal yourself first, be an example for other rather than lecturing them on what to do or not to do." "Give people the permission to shine their own light while you're shining your light."

"Everyone know already what to do, they only need to believe in themselves and be confident in who they are, this is just like what you're going through right now... is there anything else you would rather do than doing what you love to do?"

*Smiles* I wouldn't do anything that I don't want to do... why am I so skeptic and afraid of myself anyway? The light that is mine is not that powerful that makes people blind, is it? So why am I so afraid? "It's fear, fear of not being accepted for who you are, and fear for not being in control." "That's why change is so important to you right now, change of perception and your own reality... change from fear to love."

I want to embrace the divine love in me and while I'm doing that, I'll shine my light... at least turn it up a few notches. The truth is, I'm feeling more empowered than I used to, so it's positive after all when it comes to change. I want change... not within (and without) myself only, but change in the environment as well. What do you think? Do you think we need to change? And if yes, wouldn't it be great to change together for the better?

Sayonara, I'll speak with you again soon.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Crystallized Butterfly

I really like the idea of being a butterfly. I've been searching and reading articles about ascension and starseed.. and you might think I'm crazy who believes in it. But actually... I'm going down that path already. One day, you might think I'm all crazy who talk in a rhythmic way.. rhyming and singing my heart song. I love my heart song...

I don't want to brag or 'broadcast myself' (just like my inner voice is telling me not to do; "do not broadcast yourself") I'm listening and "obeying" my inner voice with respect. It's not like I want people to think that I'm crazy and it doesn't matter if they do, but I want it to be real. If I suddenly want to sing my heart song, it must be because I feel like it.

"Crystallized butterfly, butterfly crystallized, doesn't matter what it is, it is unconditional love, all right!"

You see, I love my inner voice, but seriously, how could anyone desire to harm me if I'm being all innocence with pure love and light? Just like a child looking at life with wonder and amazement...En-gg-lish.

Maybe it's a good idea to take English class and start it all over again. It's so confusing to suddenly being all frustrated.......(and stop for a few short 'thinking-break' to correct what I was writing.... ) because I don't know if it's correct or not! You see... what I mean about being 'me'...

I really don't mind being a crystallized butterfly, or in your or other people's term, being all crazy. Everything in this world is not just black and white you know. Because I'm being myself, that my life seems to be more colorful. "And if you find happiness in being who you are, then there's no need to be someone you're not... follow happiness, be that which make you happy." You see, it's truly a bliss to be who I really am, that I am.... Do you understand what I mean, with I am, that I am?

I love my inner voice, it's wise and other time full of wits and funny ideas about life! Do not misunderstand me, I don't mean your life, I mean mine.... My Life. I don't know what your inner voice is telling you, but mine tells me only what I want to hear, even if it hurts, but truth hurts, I must learn to live with honesty and grace.... I love my butterfly wings, one day, I will truly flee from this black and white life that I used to look at... "Maybe you already are where you want to be."

*Giggle* I think it's true. I am where I want to be, right now in this moment.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Me and My Inner Voice

(I borrow this image, it's so true with my heading.)

I always want to write something meaningful. Something that maybe will help people to understand me and themself a little better, but actually, I am the only one who want to write something that I alone can comprehend. Poetry or rhyme, I still have a long way to go.... God knows how much I've tried to be a better person in this vast world. But do I really have to give myself away? Just like I always had? Or can I just shut my mouth and stare at life with a keen eye and a curious mind? It's funny how much I say I love... but still I can't find ways to love myself; truly love myself for who I am.

It's so difficult with all the beliefs that I have about myself. It's like peeling the onion... I find new and interesting thing about myself by peeling a layer after another. When will it all end? Really, I can't stop guessing... and wondering about my life and all the most how it will end. To be honest. I just want to live a normal life without the voices in my head telling me what to do and what not to do. I keep praying to God to give me a normal and blissful life. At least a life that is not base on surviving alone. But somehow it seems like I've been living a lie, all these time.

Is it really OK to listen to my inner voice? But it seems like it's not only a voice alone, there's several of them and some of them is not even mine. How do I know? Well, I feel I have an inner navigation system inside my heart that tells me which way I should take and not taking. My heart tells me which path I should embark on and which I need to steer away from. That is the only voice that's really mine. (Is this a correct way to phrase what I want to say? Do you understand my writing?)

*Sigh* Maybe I will never learn how to write proper English. It take so much time, and I don't have the patience or time to even learn the grammar. I think I have dyslexia and I stutter a lot when I speak. Usually I don't have the patience to wait for myself. This is how much I love myself, it's not at all what I mean when I say - love yourself. *making a weird face* Why can I love myself thoroughly?? .. "easy now young lady, you will learn."

There it is.. my inner voice being all patiently and caring towards me. "You will learn with time, there's no need to rush yourself unnecessarily."

I think it's truly is a good idea to listen to my inner voice. I will learn with time... I --I - I must think for myself and believe in m--myself! Damn it! I'm stuttering again and really... this disbelief is getting to me, because right now I have difficulty finding the correct words to make a sentence!! *rolling the eyes in disbelief* "Why don't you just take a breath or two..."

*Laughing out Loud..* Really, I always hold my breath when I try too much.. it doesn't matter what it is.. I just keep holding my breath and going all confuse.. it's very frustrating! To be frank with you, I don't like to even swear! But damn it!! I must take a break or two before I'll go all blue.. ag-ai-n. *shaking the head in disappointment.*

Adieu, I will write again soon.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Surrender

It's ok to be in this place of sadness and longing,
Just for a little while longer before I have to get going again,
It's ok, there's nothing to be afraid of.
All I ever need now is to surrender,
Surrender to the truth,
that being in love is bittersweet here on Mother Earth.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ

Min Skinnende Stjerne

Jeg satt lenge og fundret over hvorfor jeg følte slik jeg følte for deg. Det er en merkelig ting som jeg ikke har forstått meg på. Hjertet lever på en underlig måte sitt eget liv, den gjøre store fanfare hver gang jeg skal møte deg eller så lite som å høre fra deg. Det er en snev av redsel samtidig gleder. Jeg føler meg som en liten støvkorn som blir svupet opp og blåst vekk når du er i nærheten.

Du er som den majestiske sola som skinner opp, dine stråler når alle levende ting, og som en liten spire ønsker jeg selv å gro meg vakker til en blomst slik at jeg kunne nå opp til deg, bare for at du kunne se meg, og favner meg i dine varmer gløder. Jeg beskriver meg som liten og små, og kanskje en smule skjør, men jeg finner ikke noe bedre beskrivelser når jeg er i nærheten av deg. Jeg får meg ikke til å sammenligne meg selv med din storslåtte skjønnhet, men likevel føler jeg meg ett med deg. Jeg er så oppslukt i deg at selvet mitt forsvinner inni deg for hvert sekund som tikker avgårde.

Jeg reiser ofte tilbake i tid, bare for å oppleve igjen den følelsen av å møte deg for første gang. Det er så mange glimrende søte minner som jeg kan husker, som er gravert i mitt hjerte. Det er den uskylden ved første møte jeg er mest begeistret over. Det var den uskylden hvor vår reise begynte for første gang sammen. Selv om det var en smule med bitterhet og angst litt lengre utover den magiske reisen våres, fordi vi begge hverken kjenner oss selv eller den andre, men likevel har vi klart å løse opp i misforståelsene våres og knyttet et sterkere bånd med hverandre.

Det er det båndet som jeg mange ganger prøver å klippe av, men brått føler at jeg lengter igjen til den velkjente følelsen av kjærlighet som fyller opp alle celler i mitt hjerte. Jeg blir trist, men ikke deprimert, jeg blir glad, men ikke lykkelig. Det er som å surfe på kjærlighetsbølger, hvor spenning og mysterier utfolder seg i det uendelige.

Jeg vet ikke hvilken skjebne som har brakt deg inn i livet mitt, eller hvem Engel som førte meg til deg, men uansett hva eller hvem det skulle være, takker jeg for din eksistens. Ved å vite at du eksisterer, lære jeg å kjenne meg selv. Jeg kjenner ikke bare mine svakheter, men mine indre styrker, og visstnok mer enn bare det. Jeg oppdaget mine skjulte drømmer, som virker uoppnåelige, men som jeg likevel begjære å fullføre. Jeg vet for mange, (og kanskje for deg også) er drømmene mine som fantasier, ubegripelig og lite troverdig til å anse som virkelig, men jeg vet min eksistens er mer enn et legeme.

Jeg har alltid visst at det finnes en kjærlighet som overgår den alminnelige kjærligheten vi har her på jorden. Kjærlighet som er ego basert varer ikke lenger, og er ikke ekte nok til å føle seg ubetinget elsket, men selv etter mye svikt og manipulasjon fra mennesker nær meg, har jeg forstått at jeg har en lengsel til det ultimate kjærligheten; ubetinget og guddommelig.

Ved å elske deg, husker jeg igjen hva ubetinget kjærlighet var. Og det er ikke en slik kjærlighet som bare øyner kan se og ører kan høre. Du er en utfordring for meg til å elske uselvisk, en utfordring til å sprenge alle grenser og regler på hva kjærlighet er og ikke er. Å elske deg er ikke å bære en tittel som din elskede eller kjæreste. Å elske deg handler ikke om å binde deg innenfor rammen på hva du ønsker å gjøre eller ikke gjøre. Jeg er ikke ute etter å beseire deg, selv om du kanskje føler det slik.

Etter mange konfrontasjoner med meg selv, vet jeg at jeg har brukt ditt nærvær til å føle meg elsket, men jo mer jeg holder deg igjen, føler jeg at jeg kveler meg selv, for sannheten er at jeg føler meg mer uelsket enn jeg egentlig vil føler. Jeg vet at jeg har vært svak og ga etter når jeg egentlig skulle gi slipp på deg, men jeg har latt meg selv faller for dyp, og det gjør vondt hver gang jeg skal trekke meg.

Jeg beklager for at det er så klisje aktig med en slik brev, men som vi begge vet så bruker jeg brevene mine for å formidle meg selv med dybde og klarhet, for det er akkurat slik jeg er. Jeg har rom nok til å kunne føler andres lengsel til å være den de i virkelighet er uten å bli manipulert eller føler seg mindre verdt. Jeg er beæret over at jeg har den viten av å kunne føle andre i mitt hjerte og sjel.

Men av og til, undrer jeg på om noen forstår min egen lengsel til å være den jeg virkelig er foran andre 110 prosent. Jeg vil alltid elsker deg, men jeg er ikke ute etter å bli avhengig i å ha deg for meg selv, for det er ikke slik jeg elsker. Mitt ønsker for andre og for meg selv er at alle kunne være sitt autentisk selv med gleder og letthet. Og det er akkurat det jeg ønsker for deg hvert eneste øyeblikk jeg puster inn den samme luften som du puster i deg.

Jeg vil alltid husker at jeg ble kjent med en jente som speilte tilbake til meg de fineste og flotteste sider ved meg selv som jeg kan være stolt over. Selv om vi befinner oss på hver vår side av landet og er i vår egen verden uten noe som helst form for kommunikasjon, så vit at vi er allerede i hverandres bevissthet.

Det er for meg mirakuløs å kunne føler savn etter deg med hele meg, akkurat slik jeg er i min lille verden, mitt univers. Du er som en liten stjerne i mitt univers der jeg kan romme deg og mange andre; det er i mitt hjerte, det er der du er til for meg, ubevegelig i all evighet med ro og fred. Hører du ekkoet som roper tilbake til deg i ditt eget indre, jeg elsker deg? For det er du. Du er elsket, elsket... e-l-s-k-e-t min elskede. Skinn så mye du vil i mitt univers, vær ditt kongelig selv. Deres høyhet med kjærlighet og glede. For det er slik jeg ønsker å gjøre foran deg uten å holde meg selv igjen.

Klokken tikker endeløs... tikkende i vei, for hvert hjertepuls, du er så levende. Hører du ekkoet i ditt eget sinn? Hviskende.... om en kjærlighet så sann og ren; min skinnende stjerne, skinn nå opp din egen vei, og følg din uoppnåelig drøm.

- Crystallized ƸӜƷ