Going Through The 2016 New Year's Resolution List

Dear followers, 

I'm staring at this blank page, which staring back at me, waiting for me to type... but I don't know what to say to be honest. It's already December the 7th, and not long till we reach 2017. I remember I made some new year's resolution, let me remind you of the list: 

The list: 

1) Quit smoking

2) Quit drinking alcohol

3) Self Love

4) Be more honest

5) Help people

6) Socialize with positive people

7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency

Let us go through the list together. First of, quit smoking, sadly to announce to you, I still smoke, but I try my best to smoke at least 5 cigarettes a day since the third time I decide to quit. I'm trying to smoke less, and reduce it to the minial afterwards. Hopefully I will quit all together after awhile. 

2) Quit drinking alcohol, well, I drank on Sunday and threw up badly, and I'm sure I won't do it again, this time I really muster all the discipline I have to quit drinking, even though I'm not alcoholic. I just can't see the benefits in drinking anymore and I really dislike the feeling of dizziness and I can't "control" my body when the alcohol surge through my body. 

3) Self love, I'm a bit better of loving myself and set boundaries when needed. It's hard actually since the feeling of not worthy comes up, mostly when I'm in love, and right now I'm in love with someone incredible, I just hasn't told her yet. But my insecurity pops up every now and then. It feels awful to think that the person you like doesn't like you, just because they are slow on replying or ignoring your text and maybe doesn't give you the attention you want, but don't worry, I'm working on it. Self-love is important, but so difficult to achieve because criticizing yourself is much easier when you think you are doing something wrong, than accepting your mistake and move on. 

4) Be more honest, yes, I master this very well, I'm not afraid to speak up and tell them what's on my mind. I'm not being honest to be mean, I'm doing my best to make it sounds less hurtful, even though truth hurts. When my friends annoys me, I will let them know why and how they annoyed me, and I will put in a few words that it's not their problem more like my problem, if I feel offended I will let them know I feel offended and ask them what they really mean. So being honest has been a challenge for me as a people-pleaser, but that's a thing of the past, I have changed a lot, and I'm more happy when I'm being honest. It clears my conscience and I sleep better that way. 

5) Help people, yeah, I have been helping people a lot. I started with people that are close to me. I'm offering a listening ears to my friends and family. Especially my friends. I had this one friend I was listening to every time she calls me. I was doing my best, but sometimes I would like to step back and create space between us so I'm not overwhelming myself with her insecurities and negativity. She always complained about how bad people treated her, and I always try to make her see a different perspective, but as I gave her a shot of positivity, I become drained. So when I pull back and wanted to have space, and I even explained to her why I needed it, but it made her reacted like she was the victim, and she even asked me what kind of friend I was if I couldn't be there for her when she needs me, and the worst part was, she attacked me for being impolite, disrespectful and unthankful, because she sent me a gift, (which I say thank you over a sms, but it wasn't enough) and I didn't call her to say thank you. I explain to her that thankfulness is given by being friends with each other, the reward is the friendship itself, and not just a petty thank you for a gift that I didn't ask for in the first place, it's not a one time thank you and finish. I gladly accept the gift, because it was her gesture of kindness, but I didn't meet her expectations, and I felt that I can't handle drama with a person who just see herself as a victim, even though I try my best to understand and listen to her. I even wrote an email to explain things, and see if we could patch things up and continue being friends, but she couldn't meet me with understanding, she couldn't see my point of view, I had to let her go. And I'm not sad about it, I just hope she will find happiness. 

One time I help an old man; I was at the bus station, and holding my phone, and this old man saw me holding my phone and then he asked if he could borrow it so he could call someone important, he said the numbers and I dialed them (at first I felt an uneasy feeling, a slight of fear, because helping a stranger was not something I do everyday and it was a bit uncomfortable, because I started to think what if he would tricked me or something, I was scared, but decide to help him anyway), it was ringing, and he talked to the person on the other line, it wasn't a long conversation, I wasn't sure what the person on the other line was saying, but this old man wanted to call someone else, so I dialed the numbers again and let him talked on the phone again. A few seconds after he was finished he asked me to dial a 10 numbers, I was skeptic, because Norwegian phone number has only 8 numbers, but I dialed it anyway, and to my expectation it didn't go through. He was sure he remember the correct number and has always used it, sadly my bus arrived and I had to go, so I couldn't help him any further. When I sat down on my seat I thought of the old man, and hoped someone would help him. 

Helping people is something we always want to do, but with so many skeptical thoughts, or maybe bad experiences that we feel it's a catch or a danger to help people, so mostly we turn our back when a stranger really needs our help. But I think things are about to change, so many people are coming together to rebuild this world, make it a better place to everyone of us. 

6) Socialize with positive people, I have met many positive people and I do socialize with many of them, it's a delight to hang out with people that can make you see things differently and be more optimistic about your life and everything else. But I have become so positive about my life that I might have affect people in a way I wasn't aware of. Many of my friends has told me that they feel more safe to be themselves, and that I have taught them a lot about themselves, people and the world, even though I didn't mean to teach them anything. So it's not just hanging out or socialize with positive people, you have to be positive yourself if you want to affect people around you with positivity. Everyone needs positive upliftment once in a while, and the best thing about seeing life in a positive way, and the best way is to affect people by doing nothing, it's enough because of your existence.

7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency, I'm not sure if I vibrate in a higher frequency, but I think I have been working on decluttering my mind a lot that I have seen positive change in my life. I have suddenly decided to not eat meat, and becoming a vegetarian. That thought came to me very unexpected, because becoming a vegetarian hasn't crossed my mind before, I never thought about it, but that night I was so sure, because I felt it was a right thing to do. It happened last week, so it's actually very fresh, I haven't eat meat since then and happy with my choice, as I said, it felt right to do it. 

Another thing is, I'm more impulsive when it comes to ideas. My mind is so clear that I can detect a good idea and make it into reality. And most time, I succeed in bringing a smile to the person that inspired me in the first place. 

And... I have stop drinking coffee.. I don't know why, but it's not as tasty as it was before, I'm more into tea now. It's not relevant to this declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency thing, but I wanted to mention it. LOL. 

So, how would next year be like? I hope for more change, become more confident, and vibrate higher in frequency so I can achieve unconditional love. I desire to accept myself fully and wholeheartedly. Would be so good to be an imperfect human perfectly; to just accept all the aspect of myself, even the insecurity.

Stay tune. 

Blessing
Miracle

You Are The Answer

Remember

Are we running in circle each time we meet someone new to fall in love with? Does we ever love even though the previous relationship doesn't work out? Maybe love is love no matter with who we experience it with. 

Love, a word that is easy to say and read, but is it easy to show? Is it easy to keep? Maybe the word love makes us running in circle with no end, since there's no ending point in a circle. I have a burning desire to understand how love really works between humans. Questions upon questions on how it start in a human heart. Even though I understand the love that a soul inhabit, I know a soul loves unconditionally, no matter who or what, it will never ask another soul to give what they can't give. A soul have no doubt or fear that it will never be loved, because it knows that God's love are the evident in why it was born from the first place. While human relationship is full of doubt and compromises. Human relationship start with; If I give my heart to you, I expect you to behave in a certain way so that I can be happy. It's full of conditions and attachment, while the soul love without conditions and no attachment to another soul. 

I want to remember how it is to love as a soul and not as a body with full of fear and uncertainty. Why is that human love has so many limits? Most relationship start with butterflies in the tummy and end with bitterness and even hate for another. Why is that they say they stop to love when a relationship ends? Don't they know that they have always loved, because they are not just a body, they are the soul. A soul loves endlessly, some humans are lucky, because they remember that they are souls and not just a body. That's why they can love endlessly without ceasing to stop for a moment when they know that the other have to return to another realm of reality. 

The illusion of separation in this world is sometimes too real, so real that people are afraid they will lost another if they can't keep them in their life or relationship. I have experience that feeling, I was once in that illusion and thought it was the reality, but I have experience unconditional love, the truest form of love is to freely be who I am. I don't mean personality, I mean being the love that I am, in truth we don't need words to justify ourselves to another, we only need to recognize the love that we are and give ourselves the privilege to be loved by God, a divine force of love. It encircled inside our heart, but sometime we are to hung up with the illusion that we forget to really feel the truth in our heart. 

Humanity must remember that they are soul in a journey to remember who they really are so that they can experience the love that they are. The whole univers is dwelling inside them, why can't they be happy without materials things and see the illusion for illusion?

I AM, LOVE. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Love Is A Gift

In this moment I'm peaceful and excited to carry out my plans for the coming months. I feel so overwhelmed by this joy and blessing. And just to share an ounce of my love with someone I care about makes me truly happy. All I wish to do is to spread love all around me without expectation to receive anything back. 

Remember that love ask nothing for itself, unless it's love. 

I'm so overwhelmed with this unconditional love that I'm unable to sleep, so I turned my macbook on and share this feelings with you. 

I jotted down my ideas on how the gift should be like, and I have an intention to be done with it after two months. I can't share what I'm going to make yet, since my friend might go into my blog and read it. When I'm done with it, I will let you know how it went and if she likes it or not. I cross my fingers that she would love it. 

To receive something from someone is equally important as giving something to someone. No matter who we give it to, or receive it from, there is a joy in giving and receiving.. It's a flow of gratitude and blessings. Because when you give and that person receive with happiness, you are being affected by their happiness as well. It's a genuine feeling. Sometimes it's the thoughts that counts, so make it happen, if you have an idea on making someone happy, do it. Because chances are that they need it and you need it too. 

Keep the flow of love going in full spirals. 

Blessings

Miracle

Love, Immensely Powerful

So we all have some issue, some troubled thoughts, a chattering mind that make us crazy anxious and tired. What if we don't know how to turn negative thoughts to positive one? And lost the willingness to stay positive, and what if we just want to lie down and cry our eyes out? Why wouldn't it be ok. To just sit with the feeling of hopelessness, sit through the bad times and start to understand why we feel it that way? Why can't we find an understanding to our feelings? Maybe there's no explanation to it, but there might be a reason for those feelings to erupt. And it's surely not something we need to hide and be a shame of. It's not something we need to reject, because it's a part of us, it's how we are made. With feelings and emotions we are more of a human than robots and machines. 

When we sit through the worst time and start to acknowledge our feelings without judgment we will find a better understanding about ourselves; we are love. So why can't we just be ourselves with others by being honest about how we feel without trying to manipulate others to give us what we think we need to feel loved? We are love, and isn't God love? If we are love and God is love, wouldn't it make us; God? We don't need to be fix, we are complete and whole, because there is nothing wrong with being God. The power of God is love. Hence we are what we are; love, immensely powerful.

Blessings

Miracle

God; Love; Me; ... Us

It all begin with a hallow space in the heart, and the soul seems to just shrink in size which couldn't fit in the hollow space in the heart at all. It was too small, it didn't fit in, but get swallowed completely and so the soul disappear. I search for a while, but didn't know what I was searching for. 

First and foremost, I tried to find the meaning to life by walking in my parents shoes, but somehow it didn't fit me. I stumble while having them on, I fell several times since it was too big for my feet and I almost crawl, hell yes, I did crawl. I thought meaning to life was to sacrifice myself, in hope to find myself useful for my parents, but then I got myself lost in the role I played as a daughter. I spent my time trying to impress them, doing things that I thought might fill my heart; that hollow space which seems to swallow everything I came across. It swallowed my role as a daughter as well and being obedient and respectful towards my parents with much higher authority than me was less satisfying than I thought, because it means I have to swallow my pride and my voice for justice against them. There were so many things I would want to do, but I was restricted to do them since they fear I might fail in the process of doing them. There weren't room for failure and I didn't get to learn to stand up for myself and make my own choice. Wearing their shoes and walking theirs path was tiring, because I didn't get to be a child with wonder and curiosity, I had to grow as fast as I could so the shoes will fit me... I had to play my role as a obedient daughter.

One day, I was to beat up and tired that I resigned my duty as a daughter and wander across the ocean to find myself. A pilgrimage to find something to fit that hallow space. I put aside the meaning of life and search for love. I thought finding someone to give me love was easy, wasn't it just pleasing my beloved and give them everything I had and they will give me the love I need back? But before I could please and give I had to find my beloved. So I tried first with them boys, even though I felt that my heart wants girls, but my mind feared I might get to abnormal that no one in the end want to be with me, so I checked in with the boys, the cool type and mr.popular, but I find it hard to open myself up, since that hollow space seems to swallow my feelings as well. I tried to suggest a date here and there, but none of them was interested. One particular guy said I was a bit ugly so he refused to date me and didn't even want to hang out or be my friend. I looked in the mirror and believed him, I was ugly, I was a teenager without nice clothes and make up, I wasn't like the other girls, I was label the odd one. Miss ugly didn't get a date, I played that role too. I feared to show my face and become shy and introvert that it was difficult to talk to me, and since I was taught to swallow my voice I didn't say much to anyone. I believed them that I was ugly. 

I checked out, didn't want to try the boys anymore, they gave me bad vibes. I moved on to the girls, but not openly. I tried the internet and was open and somewhat myself. Finally, I met someone online. She was ok, a vietnamese and we met, I wasn't in love with her, but she liked me and we end up dating and become a couple. Hurray I thought, finally I have found love, but I didn't know that it was not what I had in mind. It was difficult, suddenly the hallow space started to spit out my feelings (more like emotions). I got jealous and worried because of something she said with her friends and since I already felt that I wished to share them with her, but it didn't end so good since she broke up with me. We met online and I got dumped online *shaking head*. I was devastated and broken and wished the hollow space would swallow me in as well, but it didn't... I got stuck. 

Weeks passed and I got somewhat better and felt that I still have hope, I was done playing the role of an unpopular and ugly girl. Even though I was broken, I still believed that something could change my appearance, that was why I was willing to try make up. I found magic in make up and started to trust my creativity, I painted my face as beautiful as I could, got my brows plucked and wear comfy stylish clothes. I snapped picture of me here and there, in many different angle and then uploaded them on my profile. I felt somewhat satisfied, because there were girls who wanted to meet me, they gave me compliments and I had so much fun dating online that I forgot the brokenness for while. 

In my heart, I still believe that love was everything even though that hollow space become bigger as I grow up. In my mind I still believed I should find my beloved so that she will fill the void in that hollow space... I was wrong and to be honest, I met countless of girls, but my void was emptier than before. None of them was my true beloved, none of them could fill my void, earthly love was difficult to attain. So much sacrifice for nothing and my emotions started to build up. I become weary and burned out because of the pilgrimage that I stopped walking entirely and started to cry. Salty tears that I tasted was truly healing, because I felt once I let the hollow space be hollow I could accept that I couldn't fill it with earthly love, duty and playing roles I wasn't suited for. I was done with sacrificing. I wanted to understand and attain true love and I wished to feel free.

Many years passed and I met people on my path, they all taught me valuable things I could use for later. I abandon earthly love and was in frantic search for freedom. Fortunately, I met this man. This particular man thought me to unlock my heart so I could dive into my hollow space. The void which was empty was no longer terrifying. Emotions from that void was living there in that hollow space. He taught me to be myself, to let go of judgment and turned negative thoughts to positive one, he taught me to be honest about my feelings and open myself up for the possibilities to feel loved, and no one was needed to fill that void or fit in that hollow space... I didn't need anyone, the beloved was myself, the beloved was God. If God was in there, and I'm the beloved, wouldn't I be; God? 

Being myself, honest and open, means being love in action, and if it's love then it's naturally to attract like minded, all I need to remember is that I'm love. My soul magically appear, it didn't shrink as I thought it did, it was maybe so big that I couldn't see it, not until I was allow to while diving my head first into the hollow space. My soul didn't disappear, I just couldn't see it with my heart close. I had to plunge into my hollow space and open my heart to see it. It was miraculously unbelievable to finally feel loved and become one with that hollow space. I was finally home, and now I can accept the role that suited me best. Godly words can't describe how much of a Goddess I am. God; love; Me; ...US. 

Blessings

Miracle 

A Jar of Love

I fill the pages with my feelings, fold it and put it in an envelope, which I never send. I have so many things I want to say, but left unspoken. All that I desire are put inside a jar I bury deep inside my heart. I'm afraid that if I utter the unspoken words my dreams would be chase away and my reality will be obscured. I can't live without my dreams nor my reality, because both of them fuel my soul to continue this journey I have embark upon ages ago.

The voyage become beautiful by each passing day, colored with the feelings I have for you. I seek for the truth and the love I thought I never had, but in reality, love is something truthfully; Love is you and you is me. An eternal could be a blink of the eyes or it can be months and years, but my eternal has been to wait for you. Hours, days and months flied swiftly along the years, and still you are not there. 

If those unspoken words which are left unsaid can bring you back, then I will

surely and gladly send it to you. For the hope I have is beyond the limits of my fear to be abandon and rejected by you.

Blessings

Miracle

Twin Flame Reunion

One day when you discover your soul, you will return to me, because your soul and mine soul are made from the same substance. We are one soul in two different bodies, but our connection has been made since the first time we were born from the sun. 

You have been denying it for a very long time now and you hide yourself from me, but I will always find you, because my heart feels your heart. Our beating hearts resonate on the same level. As time pass us by I become restless by "waiting" for your return and this restlessness made me want to turn my back on you and let go of the "waiting". I want to forget that "waiting" and just turn my attention to myself, only that wherever I turn I will always find something that reminds me about you, my soul keep nudging me to wait for your arrival. 

The full moon become crimson when I looked at it the last time, and your face was etched inside my mind long ago the last time I saw you. You always come to me at night in my dreams, secretly telling me you will be coming back soon, back into my arms where you belong. And so I kept waiting. 

I heard that waiting could halt your arrival, I thought about it, and maybe it's true, I need not to wait for something I know will soon become reality, that it's not only fantasy or dreams, but something that can be manifest faster if I just be busy with something else. 

That's why I'm letting go of the "waiting".

Welcome back, darling, you are always mine.

Blessings

Miracle

Appreciation

Happiness is in your smile, because of you I'm not lonely. You are a flower I want to water, someone I cherish deep inside my heart. I'm grateful for your existence, I never knew that it is so simple to be happy just because I know you are somewhere in this world... somewhere not far from me. I rejoice that we are bound together by an invincible thread. Even if we are separate, living in two separate worlds, the thread will never break. 

You are you, with an overdrive mind, a sharp intuition, you have your experiences to decode, something not easy to solve by yourself, but you are still beautiful in a way that takes my breath away, and honey, I want to embrace you so hard that all your pieces stick back together. Even though, I might be overprotective sometimes and I'm not the wisest in this world, but I'm a sage descent from a place you never know exist. 

Our souls connection is proven to be solid and remarkable strong. If we ever drift apart, the univers will possibly direct us back together for a special purpose, maybe a way to help us both to find our strength to continue living this life that sometimes is mundane and boring, but life is a mystery we both know we can't solve unless we live it.

Don't be afraid, this is just love and nothing but love, in the purest form you will ever feel in your deepest soul. 

Blessings

Miracle 

The Way Of Love and God's Love

To love is to dive deeper in that ocean, to allow yourself to feel the electricity to encircle your entire body. Your soul are aching to share the love that you are. When you fear love, you are hallucinating and believe that you will get hurt if you open yourself to receive it, but to love someone so deeply and truly is sometimes scary, because you might imagine the worst to happen. You fear the death of the ego, that you will loose yourself if you are not in control of your emotions, but as we all know, love is the greatest gift God has given us.

To control yourself from feeling love and to share it, is to close the door to your heart and when someone come and knock at your door, you will get emotional and mixed feelings, maybe you don't know if you are ready to open that door. Open it in spite of your fear, if you manage to get emotional then it's a sign that you are somewhat ready to hear the massage from the messenger, it's God's angel, profet who come at your door to bring you the gift from God. 

God communicate through your heart, He might speak in words or feelings, and to accept your feelings and listen to it, you are accepting His message and you will become alive again to be able to feel your own love emanate from your soul. To be loved from someone you love will shaken you up, mending you, liberates you, and the demon that hold you back from falling in love is your ego. The risk might be big, you might loose yourself, but if you don't risk to get hurt, then you will not truly know love. Maybe loosing yourself is to find the true you, because have you not been wearing the mask to hide your true face or been brought up with wicked rules to follow. So wicked that you might have lost your innocent and pure self? Maybe you will find your pure and innocent self again while walking in circle and loosing your way? Go wild with the thought of love, let the stars pull your hair and heart lead you back to the first time you was in your mother bosom. Drink of that elixir and feel the strong arms that lift you up higher. 

Love is not painful, but the thought of getting abandon and to get hurt is painful, it's overwhelming to love so deep that you might think if you don't possess that one person you will not truly be happy or feel lovable, but no one or thing is your possession. Feelings that isn't been reciprocate are not because you are not enough or worthy of love, but not everyone suits you or meant to be in your possession,  and no one should be in your possession, because they are owning themselves and they are free. 

Be rigid in your desire to know yourself, be unyielding and have strong faith in yourself enough that when you love someone, they feel free to be themselves. Don't hope to be loved by anyone else beside you, because your love for yourself is the core to your soul, it's the light to lighten up the dark so you won't stumble on your path to the understanding of unconditional love for yourself and the world. And mostly the understanding of God's love for everything and everyone. 

The lover keep no secret from her lover, only if she doesn't love herself and yet it seems like she is a mystery to solve since she doesn't show a sign of emotion for those who are after to take over her soul. Secrets are for those who is afraid to be judge for being who they really are and for most of humanity, it might have become a habitual way of living. They fear to be condemn, but secretly yearn to be loved as the way they are. We all are love in action, only if we come to that realization we will be more free and open to receive and share ourselves to others.

Try not to keep a secret or telling lies to God or your lover, because God knows, and your lover will find out, because truth can't be kept. Don't try to change the way God loves you, because His way is more sufficient than yours, and you will approve and accept the way your lover loves you. There's no partnership if we don't regard the lover as our partner. Relationships of all kind spring from the lover, for in friendship we find loyalty, in parents we find unconditional love, in brotherhood we find strong bond and so the lover loves from her being, she possess all the characters from the time she began on her search for true love, and she doesn't divide her lover from God. Because her lover is her God. 

Throw yourself in that ocean and let yourself sink deep, and if you die, let it be the death of the ego. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Happy New Year 2016

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! 

So it's new year and everything, I really hope everyone did celebrate the new year with love, light and blessing. I myself celebrate the new year's eve with my family. We had dinner and then watched the fireworks together. 

So, this is the year where I will focus more on how I'm gonna love myself more and surround myself with positive people. I already plan a trip to Oslo next week. I want to spent more time with my friends and make more memories for the year 2016. 

I had a surprisingly exciting ending before the clock turned 12am yesterday. It was a special connection with a lovely girl who had the same name as me. The first time I saw her on facebook I was so thrilled that she has the same name as me, but then I found out that she has the same interest as me as well. It wasn't just the interest that we shared together alone, but I found out that she was also a starseed! Of course there're many starseed in the world, but to encounter your "soul mate" from another star system was really overwhelming, it was like finding a lost member of the family. 

It wasn't a coincidence. My best friend also know this girl, and she did think of her, but didn't thought of sending her a message, but then I told my best friend that she was a starseed from pleiadien, then she started to talk to her. While my best friend said that she knew she wasn't a ordinary girl, but somehow very innocent looking and special, the girl said to me that she knew I wasn't ordinary but special, she knew it at the first moment when we started to talk.

Everything just happen all at once, it was synchronized in a perfectly order. I feel that everyone who have some work to do together as a team is being brought together now. It's time to help each other to shine. We are meant to do the mission that is assigned to us together. Creating a powerful dynamic in the world. 

I can't not wait to meet this lovely girl. She is also a vietnamese. We share the same vietnamese name; Hong Mai. Wow, I feel so blessed to have so many lovely souls as my friends. I hope to meet more people with the same interest so I can share my idea with them.

Have you met anyone special in your life? If yes, cherish that connection, and keep that friend as long as you can. 

My ending of new year was so special, I hope the start of 2016 will be as special as the ending of 2015. Whatever happens on your new year, stay strong and keep faith. 

Blessings

Miracle