Accept Yourself Is To Love Yourself

After being in love for countless of times, I figured out that I have been suppressing my feelings and they have become heavy emotions that was hard to control. Every time something trigger my emotions I couldn't help but cry about it. Even though tears are remedy to release those emotions I still couldn't love myself, because I loathed the way I suppress my feelings, I hate that I couldn't express them in a positive manner since I tended to push everyone away. All I could do then was to sit alone crying in a corner and felt like I was the victim of the situations. The consequence of my action was loneliness and self loath.

After my wake-up call, and many years later I become more aware of the way I treat myself. It took me a decade to understand that loving myself wasn't about loving others the way I want them to love me. Loving myself was to actually just loving myself and not wanting for acceptance or love in return. I'm not being a narcissist, I'm reasonable, I do give love and concern when my friend and family needs me to listen to them, but I don't let them misuse my trust or kindness. Being kind is not a sign of weakness, but to respect all with the same amount of respect to myself.

I understand that when someone come to me with a problem or sadness, it's not because they want me to help them solve their problems, but to love them unconditionally and accept them for what they bring with their problems. I'm aware that they want me to love and accept their emotions no matter what feelings they might bring forth in the conversations.

I develop a strategi to help them get through their dark time by being attentive with what they have to tell me. As I help by listening I also develop a sense of detachment. I detach myself from their problem and never let it surpass my faith of letting them solve their own problems. Everyone needs to learn how to trust themselves and how to face their problems as it is their life and what they want to do is important for them to understand themselves better. What they need isn't a problem solver, but compassion and kindness from their fellow humanity.

I do deem myself as a lover, a friend, a family for those who come in contact with me. Because being a family for someone who needs my time is something humanity needs right now at this particular time, but I don't mean that I will give away my time if someone is to waste it. Even though I don't judge people for what they do and say, but I do care for how they treat me, because I can't afford to loose my self-respect by letting them toy with me by being careless of how they treat me. I am after all  a human being as well, I do have my ups and downs, but I'm better at handle my emotions and feelings now than before. I can say that I love myself more than I use to.

So how do you love yourself? First we have to look into the way we love other, what kind of love do you want for yourself, is how you love yourself and that's how you will love other. Love can range from unconditional to conditional. The type of love I want for myself is unconditional, it means that I want the one I love to give me the freedom of being myself and let me express my feelings without being judge. Unconditional love is rare and most difficult to attain since we are programmed to think that if someone love us, they have to meet up with our expectations. While unconditional love is more unexpected. Unconditional love is to give without asking, wanting and expecting for it to be returned. Unconditional love is to be selfless, while attaining the desire to be loved back with the same amount without being disappointed. What I mean is the desire to be loved back is also important while loving someone, but that desire is not negative, because in this world, self-love has been something very rare which we don't experience in another human being. So to love someone we must love ourselves.

While we desire that love to meet up with our expectations we have to detach ourselves from the petty desire of being love back, and that's how divine love is in action. That's were unconditional love come into play. Second, loving ourselves, is to love our emotions, our being, our negatives side as our positive one. Loving ourselves is to love our way of being a human being with flaws and mistakes. We have to love ourselves without judging the way we are. It could be difficult if we don't forget what we have been taught in our childhood. That love must be earned by doing good deeds, running errands and behave in a certain way. Our parents taught us to be obedient, to listen to their requests and sometimes even punish us if we don't do as they said or give them what they needed, no matte what it was, sometimes we felt that it was never enough no matter how much we tried to please them and from then our love has been restricted and twisted, so when we meet someone we love, we apply the same rules. In our subconscious we still give the people we love an ultimatum, they have to meet up with our standar even though we accidentally love them without being conscious about it. After awhile we might unconsciously love them because they behave in a certain way, but when they don't meet up with up with our standar, we become angry, sad, depress and agitated. We loose our natural state of love, and that is to love unconditionally. We might choke them with our emotions and in the end if things go bad, they even run away from us because they feel they lost their freedom or couldn't handle the intense atmosphere. They might even feel that we have changed; we wasn't the same person they first met and fell in love with.

What I want you to understand is that self-love is the only love you can give yourself so you won't feel unloved once someone doesn't behave the way they use to or how you want them to behave. Self-love is the only real love you can give yourself so you won't suffer from a heartbreak, even though is saddening to loose someone. I remember this quote that fit perfectly in this post; You have to love yourself because no amount of love from others is sufficient to fill the yearning that your soul requires from you.

Self-love and detachment from the person you love is the best remedy to not loose your self-respect or self-love, because once you detach from the person you love you won't feel the lost when things doesn't stick together. If you can't detach yourself from the one you love, then try at least to detach yourself from the situations, maybe an argument or something like being right. Whatever you choose, I hope you will find that kind of love that you want to be efficient in your life. And most important, accept yourself for who you are, that's the true love you can give yourself and everyone else.

Blessings
Mircale