Desire For Passion

If we were tied together by an invisible string, does it mean that we will never be apart? 

The feeling of grief when you lost someone, someone that means a lot to you will only last for a brief moment. Maybe it will take weeks or months, if worst, years and years, but at the end you will understand that grief is something you have to go through in order to be thankful for the time you shared. 

After being so high on love, I have hit the bottom. My passion is drained, and I feel I have lost a part of myself. Over the past four years, I have learned so much, but still I feel I’m not yet there I want to be. 

The wind blew so gently this past few days made me wanna open myself up for new opportunities. Right now I’m not sure where my life is heading. I feel like I’m a bit stuck, even though things keeps moving forward. Sometimes my heart skipped a bit for no reason, like it want’t to tell me about the passion I have lost for life and love. The reason why I feel stuck is that I don’t have any feelings towards anyone right now, and my passion about it actually connects me with writing. To write have always been my greatest freedom to express myself, but since I have lost touch with who I am, I seems to lost interest in writing as well. 

I seems pretty normal in my daily life, going about and doing my chores, but deep down inside I still wish that I’m doing what I like and having the best relationship I could ever have. Anything of that would be great. Reality is nothing like fantasy, reality is more brutal and full of logic and facts, while fantasy is more colorful and full of hope. 

But then again, isn’t the most thing made out of fantasy? Living in fantasy is sometimes more preferable than living in the real life, although I would rather try my best to achieve my dreams and make them to reality. The point is not to loose sight of my dreams and succumb to living in imaginary alone. 

One day I will absolute make it and feel I'm on top of the world. I aim to go that way for now.  I hope I will achieve what I have set myself out to do and win against the odds. Living life passionately.

Otherwise, I'm G-R-E-A-T! 

Work

To tell you the secret... there's no secret, or maybe there're more than just one secret, but I'm not ready to put it here.. maybe I will never be able to put it here at all. 

I started at Fretex yesterday, a second hand shop, that is owned by Frelsesarmeen. I felt that I'm ready to begin with work again, it wasn't that hard to get up in the morning even though I would rather sleep till noon. I worked from 09:00 am till 03:00 pm. In that six hours I get to be more familiar with my colleagues. They seems to be very nice and helpful. Since it was my first day at work they was pretty kind to me. Work was fine, it was actually not that bad after being showed around the building, I began to get familiar with the task and routine they taught me. At first I stand and sort out clothes to be send up to the shop for sales, and in the meantime I was sorting out clothes that looks good enough to be selling and some that is less than fine to be send to Poland. 

Today I get to be upstairs in the boutique with one of my colleague. It was fine the first 2 hours, then I got so bored, something wasn't quite right, I felt that I was only in the way or just roaming around doing nothing. I felt an urge to get downstairs again and sorting out clothes instead. The good thing about this job is that I'm able to schedule it as I like it, I mean, I can go with my own pace. There's no hurry or stress abut this job, so I'm thankful for it.

There's some surprises when it comes to love life.... I feel, I want to settle down, I wish that it's possible..

Attachment.

I think we all have something in common. Attachment. Ok, so, maybe not everyone of us, but at least some of us.. If you feel it resonate with yourself that's it. Well, lately I have been thinking. What is actually the feeling when someone suddenly disconnect from us and left us feel lonely and sometimes even worst hurtful? And make us think that we might have done or said something wrong. We questioned ourselves of our abilities of being a human being or being loveable. Why I'm writing about this is because the dark place in my heart have surface during the full moon, and I feel that it has to come up for me to shed some light to it.

The feeling of loneliness when someone disconnect is because we feel attach to them. And attachment isn't a bad thing, but it can rule over us if we don't learn to love the part of us that is yearning to be accepted. I think that I might be able to accept it as it is.  Attachment is a form for connection in this world. When we connect, we get attached to each other, and when suddenly we become disconnected abruptly we tend to feel that there's something missing, and we think that it is love. It could be love, or just the ego trying to control the situation, it doesn't want to lose it identity as a person feeling lonely. It creates a image of love, that we must have that person to be happy, but it fail to make us happy, because we can't own a person with free will, we can't own someone who doesn't belong to us, we can't control the future. Anything could happen.  

So attachment goes in and force us to understand that we need to detach ourself from what we love, so it won't become difficult when the situation isn't in our control. And the feeling of disconnection with a person is only a temporary feelings that will go away when we learn to accept that attachment is not to be feared. Attachment is a call from our soul that what we get attach to is actually something that we cherish and feel important about. That's what I have learned when I feel that I'm attach to this person who gave me lots of attention but now suddenly disconnect from me entirely. 

I must say that this isn't the first time I'm feeling attach to someone. I have gone through it many times and it's still a mystery to me that I haven't learned it. And yeah, when I haven't learned to accept myself fully. When I will feel lonely because someone detached themselves from me I know now that it is because I value that person very much, and I feel that we must have some sort of agreement to meet each other in this life time to help each other with the self love issue. Well, I believe in souls, so I think we have some agreements with our soul mates and twin flame soul mates on how we would meet and how we can do to help the other person to rise up to the feeling of  unconditional love.

It's important to truly accept ourselves as we are, with all the feelings we have. The lessons will continue when we haven't mastered it or learn from it, the same feelings will arise in many different way, but we all learn it bit by bit and go on a pace that's more suited for each one of us. 

So, if you feel attached to someone right now, and they don't feel the same attachment with you, just slowly detached yourself from it and accept the feeling of attachment. You will be much more happy. Value the person, they might have given you the best gift. They have drop a clue for you on how to love yourself more.