Tonight I decide to write something new. My life has take a turn, now I'm able to live a life without any worry for money, and from today onwards I will do my best to love myself more. I'm not saying that I have become rich, because of some personal reason I don't need to work anymore. Thanks to the well fare system here in Norway.
5 years ago my life was turned upside down. The approach from my higher self change my whole life completely. My "wake-up call" was activated, and it was quite dramatic and abrupt. Somehow I was ready to take on the mission and ascend to the 4D vibration and even now 5D vibration. That whole week I was rather emotional and could cry over the lost Mother Earth felt about herself, just by reading a channeling from Her. That week I felt like writing, but never knew that what I wrote was a channeling from my higher self and my guides from the above. It was completely amazing week. I was so in tune with the universe and I started to be more emphatic.
I encountered many lovely souls who helped me to translate most of my channeling from Norwegian to English, and one particular night, I felt my kundalini rose while reading an article regarding the spiritual path, my spine felt warmth and tinge ling, it wasn't uncomfortable hot, but a nice warm feeling rose from the bottom of my spine and up to my neck. I have read about kundalini, and believe that mine was activated that night.
Everything I felt and wrote was so touching, and my higher self wanted to make sure that I know about my true identity, the whole team of my spirits guides was always with me, even during that time and they wanted me to ascend. It was hard to remember my identity, but at last I made it, but before I understand what it means to love myself, I went through a lot of heart ache, pain and suffering. That day I cried my lungs out and couldn't stop. It was so intense.
When I lied there on my bed that night, I had the feeling that my soul was being dragged out of my body, and in my head I heard several voices cheering me on. They wanted me to ascend so much, but I had to do it myself, I had to remember who I was.. (or am) ..anyway, after feeling that my lips went dry and my soul dragged out one or twice I felt that I was upset, so I stand up, and started to speak loudly, I spoke to those voices I heard in my head. I was so determined and angry about everything that I have been through. I spoke to them with authority and didn't intend to go back to the old ways.
After being so emotionally drained, I lied down again and suddenly I heard a sweet voice, it's like my twin flame talking to me, but actually it was my higher self. She asked me to love myself, but I didn't knew what it really means to love myself, I thought love means to have sex, but that wasn't the case, love has nothing to do with sex. And then I suddenly remember who I was when I said to myself these words "Crystallize butterfly, butterfly crystallize." The true meaning behind those words was that I'm a crystallize butterfly. It was my identity, even though my higher self jokingly said that I tend to forget, I felt this love for myself truly. I was this forgetful crystallize butterfly who likes to rhyme and write poetry.
To remember my true soul was amazing! I cried happy tears and couldn't stop myself from smiling. And because of this happening, the activation of my "wake-up call" had made me to be a schizofrenic paranoia in the eyes of those we call doctors and therapist. They claimed that I was sick and in need of medication. I was actually reluctant to be drugged down and got sad because what I went through has become something they mean was unreal. But in the end, I succumb to their opinion about me and started to use medication. And I still use them till now. It was meant to subside my symptoms and stop the psychosis they said. Unwilling to take those medication, I had to put my ego aside and let them treat me. Maybe I need those drugs to be grounded, so whatever it was, I had to go through with the plans my higher self has made for me.
Beside from that label, another problems arose. An idiotic phobia called phagophobia has made it hard for me this few years. Phagophobia; Fear of swallowing. Yes, I'm afraid to swallow solid foods, and always had to choose foods that is fluid, I can drink water and other beverages just fine, and I also drink nutrition shake (an energy drink). For those thing I can swallow just fine. After awhile for not eating properly, I started to loose weight. Loving myself then wasn't easy, because I got so frustrated and on the verge of given up, but my doctor and therapist always encourage me to eat soup and drink nutrition shake so that I don't loose energy. I did as they told me, and let things solve out themselves, that I might one day eat properly again.
The bad news is that I'm still afraid to swallow solid foods and haven't gain a bit of weight at all, but the good news is because of this silly "illness" and phobia I can now rest and live a free life without having to worry about my income. I'm glad I live in Norway, and I think this was also planned out by my higher self. I just hope to get on with my mission as soon as possible, but in the mean time, I will do my best to love myself more so that I can vibrate in 5D unconditional love.
I want to help the world, I want to bring more light and positivity and love to this world. This blog is a way to start spreading the good news about ascension and I want to also enter my Soul by loving myself. I hope you also start to love yourself more than you already do, because you can never love yourself enough... be extravagant about it, just don't become selfish and narcissistic. Otherwise, love yourself truly, I will write more about how I begin to love myself more, maybe it will help giving you an idea on how to love yourself.
Blessings
Miracle.
