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The Truth of Who I Am.

In this world there are so many subtle hints that we miss daily, because we are not aware enough or be in silence just to listen to our own thoughts and feelings. Every person I was attracted to was always reflecting back at me my inner self; how they look, what they say and how they behave. If you don't listen attentively enough you will miss that hint. And if you don't care deeply enough you will go through life in a maze without the knowledge of who you truly are. 

It all began with this intention;

"Yesterday I started to think "what can I do for the person I like?" and the answers where this: 

1. Make her feel safe to be herself.
2. Let her feel loved and appreciated.
3. Give her space to be free. 

I intend to become myself completely, even if it means that people will look at me differently, whether it's negative or positive. But this silence I have in my mind and heart will help me to achieve my goals."

I found her somewhere in the midst of many other profiles, and because I found her; I found myself. I understand why I have went through life with such a deep longing for true love and a place to belong to. I wanted to go "home", but I still couldn't understand where home was. After the realization that I am born an empath I understand my awakening process much better now, and I'm actually so happy that my higher self, Miracle, is now finally in charge and not let the little "me" (ego) roam around blindly "doing" things which it thinks would be the best for everyone of us. 

There are no surprise as why I have chosen the name crystallized butterfly as head title to this blog. It was my physical self (body) which drop me a huge hint. We are multidimensional being, we are so much more than just what the little mind make us believe to be. 

Everything will be recorded as we live here on earth. Since I'm awake to the truth of who I am, I will make it a peaceful and loving journey while I'm in service for Mother Earth and her inhabitants. There's no time to idle anymore.  

Thanks Universe for bringing me back to you.

The Time In Seclusion; Bringing Light To The Path

After writing my last love letter I decided not to send it, but wrote it in a diary. I don't want to live the way I use to live anymore. I saw my old love life pattern that brought nothing but tears to my eyes. I thought writing love letter was romantic, but actually, it was a cowardly act. Because I never admitted to anyone that I love them out loud, all I ever did was writing down how I felt and gave it to them, but when it comes to facing them I wasn't able to say what I had in my heart. Fear for getting rejected was stronger than the desire to say those words "I love you" to the person I was in love with. 

After new years eve 2017, I decided to go into seclusion, separated myself from the world outside my house. I spent my days watching drama series and didn't want to have contact with people, mostly my friends. My family lives with me, so it was a bit hard to avoid them, but otherwise it was only me and my laptop I was attached with. My phone kept ringing with snaps from friends and sometimes my bestfriend would send me a text or two asking how I was doing. I shut the door to my bedroom often and sat on my bed to watch romance series, sometimes I even felt not to eat, but did drink water regularly and went out to smoke. I loose a bit weight, but didn't care, I was up to dawn even to the next morning, sometimes for 24 hours without sleep. I did it for awhile, but in the back of my head I know I should be taking care of my body, so I will sleep for the whole day, and tried my best to eat. My appetite for food wasn't the best, but my addiction to watch drama series was even stronger. In between I would reply to messages, but after awhile, I just switched my phone to vibration so it won't ring. I didn't spend time on Facebook or other websites where I have an online profile. I didn't want to stay in touch with anyone and refuse to go out for a coffee with friends and family. Nothing appealed to me, I only knew that what I wanted to focus on was love story from those romance series and sometimes books I was interested in. When family and friends asked me to go out I would reject them and said I didn't want to. I had a feeling that if I go against what I wanted to do and say yes to them I wouldn't enjoy myself. So the time I was in seclusion I learned to say no to things I didn't want to do. Even though I was addicted to those movies and series I still know that taking care of myself was still something I need to do so that I could stay healthy. I was happy and felt free. I didn't have any worries or problems. I didn't need to wear any masks or do things I didn't want to do. I quit drinking alcohol and refuse to go to parties that friends had arranged. I haven't drink for five months since after new years. 

Two months past within a blink. My relatives from Vietnam came over, and I decided to finally go out and mingle with them. My niece from Vietnam which I had a good connection with were coming as well, so I was not reluctant to give her my attention, since I wanted to show her around when she come to Norway. It wasn't something I had to do, but something I wanted to do. I was willing and that was something I never felt before, I was 100% there with her when I picked her up at the airport and we took the train home. 

To my conclusion, I found my self-esteem within those two months I decided to separate myself from people that I used to care for. I'm not saying that I don't care for them anymore, but I find it a waste to care for them unnecessary, since I believed now that the world still goes on without me, and they can in fact taking care of themselves. I was the mother who was afraid to let my children out to the world, afraid their problems would cause them headache and sorrow, afraid they will get hurt by their own negative thoughts if I wasn't there to give them advices. But now, it's ok. I'm not going to give problems and negative behavior my attention anymore, I'm not going to stand there and watch them torn my heart into pieces and cry over a lost love. This time, I will show them the strong side of me and act from my heart, not from fear of losing them. I will honor my emotions, feelings and sensitivity. I will appreciate my loving thoughts for people I care about, but I won't shower them with attention when I feel that they don't appreciate my good intention or taking me for granted. 

Humanity lacks love and most of them are living in fear and greed, and so many people are creating drama, I don't want to participate in that kind of circus. I don't want to live the same way like most people do anymore. I want to live the way I feel is right for me. I want to act in a way that benefit everyone. I will spend time reflecting and contemplating on how to carry myself like a godly person, the way I suppose to be not the way people expect me to be. 

As I walk my talk, the path I embark on doesn't seems dark anymore, but for each step I take, there's more light on it. I think I will slowly be able to be more proud of the love I have for myself and the world. 

If you ever wonder what you should do, you could spend time with yourself in a quiet place, cultivate your self-love. Do things you love and never believed in the thoughts that says you are not good enough. Despite your weakness and the faults you made in the past, you are still good. You have to believe in yourself, to truly believe that other people believes in you.

Blessings

Miracle 

Going Through The 2016 New Year's Resolution List

Dear followers, 

I'm staring at this blank page, which staring back at me, waiting for me to type... but I don't know what to say to be honest. It's already December the 7th, and not long till we reach 2017. I remember I made some new year's resolution, let me remind you of the list: 

The list: 

1) Quit smoking

2) Quit drinking alcohol

3) Self Love

4) Be more honest

5) Help people

6) Socialize with positive people

7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency

Let us go through the list together. First of, quit smoking, sadly to announce to you, I still smoke, but I try my best to smoke at least 5 cigarettes a day since the third time I decide to quit. I'm trying to smoke less, and reduce it to the minial afterwards. Hopefully I will quit all together after awhile. 

2) Quit drinking alcohol, well, I drank on Sunday and threw up badly, and I'm sure I won't do it again, this time I really muster all the discipline I have to quit drinking, even though I'm not alcoholic. I just can't see the benefits in drinking anymore and I really dislike the feeling of dizziness and I can't "control" my body when the alcohol surge through my body. 

3) Self love, I'm a bit better of loving myself and set boundaries when needed. It's hard actually since the feeling of not worthy comes up, mostly when I'm in love, and right now I'm in love with someone incredible, I just hasn't told her yet. But my insecurity pops up every now and then. It feels awful to think that the person you like doesn't like you, just because they are slow on replying or ignoring your text and maybe doesn't give you the attention you want, but don't worry, I'm working on it. Self-love is important, but so difficult to achieve because criticizing yourself is much easier when you think you are doing something wrong, than accepting your mistake and move on. 

4) Be more honest, yes, I master this very well, I'm not afraid to speak up and tell them what's on my mind. I'm not being honest to be mean, I'm doing my best to make it sounds less hurtful, even though truth hurts. When my friends annoys me, I will let them know why and how they annoyed me, and I will put in a few words that it's not their problem more like my problem, if I feel offended I will let them know I feel offended and ask them what they really mean. So being honest has been a challenge for me as a people-pleaser, but that's a thing of the past, I have changed a lot, and I'm more happy when I'm being honest. It clears my conscience and I sleep better that way. 

5) Help people, yeah, I have been helping people a lot. I started with people that are close to me. I'm offering a listening ears to my friends and family. Especially my friends. I had this one friend I was listening to every time she calls me. I was doing my best, but sometimes I would like to step back and create space between us so I'm not overwhelming myself with her insecurities and negativity. She always complained about how bad people treated her, and I always try to make her see a different perspective, but as I gave her a shot of positivity, I become drained. So when I pull back and wanted to have space, and I even explained to her why I needed it, but it made her reacted like she was the victim, and she even asked me what kind of friend I was if I couldn't be there for her when she needs me, and the worst part was, she attacked me for being impolite, disrespectful and unthankful, because she sent me a gift, (which I say thank you over a sms, but it wasn't enough) and I didn't call her to say thank you. I explain to her that thankfulness is given by being friends with each other, the reward is the friendship itself, and not just a petty thank you for a gift that I didn't ask for in the first place, it's not a one time thank you and finish. I gladly accept the gift, because it was her gesture of kindness, but I didn't meet her expectations, and I felt that I can't handle drama with a person who just see herself as a victim, even though I try my best to understand and listen to her. I even wrote an email to explain things, and see if we could patch things up and continue being friends, but she couldn't meet me with understanding, she couldn't see my point of view, I had to let her go. And I'm not sad about it, I just hope she will find happiness. 

One time I help an old man; I was at the bus station, and holding my phone, and this old man saw me holding my phone and then he asked if he could borrow it so he could call someone important, he said the numbers and I dialed them (at first I felt an uneasy feeling, a slight of fear, because helping a stranger was not something I do everyday and it was a bit uncomfortable, because I started to think what if he would tricked me or something, I was scared, but decide to help him anyway), it was ringing, and he talked to the person on the other line, it wasn't a long conversation, I wasn't sure what the person on the other line was saying, but this old man wanted to call someone else, so I dialed the numbers again and let him talked on the phone again. A few seconds after he was finished he asked me to dial a 10 numbers, I was skeptic, because Norwegian phone number has only 8 numbers, but I dialed it anyway, and to my expectation it didn't go through. He was sure he remember the correct number and has always used it, sadly my bus arrived and I had to go, so I couldn't help him any further. When I sat down on my seat I thought of the old man, and hoped someone would help him. 

Helping people is something we always want to do, but with so many skeptical thoughts, or maybe bad experiences that we feel it's a catch or a danger to help people, so mostly we turn our back when a stranger really needs our help. But I think things are about to change, so many people are coming together to rebuild this world, make it a better place to everyone of us. 

6) Socialize with positive people, I have met many positive people and I do socialize with many of them, it's a delight to hang out with people that can make you see things differently and be more optimistic about your life and everything else. But I have become so positive about my life that I might have affect people in a way I wasn't aware of. Many of my friends has told me that they feel more safe to be themselves, and that I have taught them a lot about themselves, people and the world, even though I didn't mean to teach them anything. So it's not just hanging out or socialize with positive people, you have to be positive yourself if you want to affect people around you with positivity. Everyone needs positive upliftment once in a while, and the best thing about seeing life in a positive way, and the best way is to affect people by doing nothing, it's enough because of your existence.

7) Declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency, I'm not sure if I vibrate in a higher frequency, but I think I have been working on decluttering my mind a lot that I have seen positive change in my life. I have suddenly decided to not eat meat, and becoming a vegetarian. That thought came to me very unexpected, because becoming a vegetarian hasn't crossed my mind before, I never thought about it, but that night I was so sure, because I felt it was a right thing to do. It happened last week, so it's actually very fresh, I haven't eat meat since then and happy with my choice, as I said, it felt right to do it. 

Another thing is, I'm more impulsive when it comes to ideas. My mind is so clear that I can detect a good idea and make it into reality. And most time, I succeed in bringing a smile to the person that inspired me in the first place. 

And... I have stop drinking coffee.. I don't know why, but it's not as tasty as it was before, I'm more into tea now. It's not relevant to this declutter and vibrate on a higher frequency thing, but I wanted to mention it. LOL. 

So, how would next year be like? I hope for more change, become more confident, and vibrate higher in frequency so I can achieve unconditional love. I desire to accept myself fully and wholeheartedly. Would be so good to be an imperfect human perfectly; to just accept all the aspect of myself, even the insecurity.

Stay tune. 

Blessing
Miracle

You Are The Answer

Remember

Are we running in circle each time we meet someone new to fall in love with? Does we ever love even though the previous relationship doesn't work out? Maybe love is love no matter with who we experience it with. 

Love, a word that is easy to say and read, but is it easy to show? Is it easy to keep? Maybe the word love makes us running in circle with no end, since there's no ending point in a circle. I have a burning desire to understand how love really works between humans. Questions upon questions on how it start in a human heart. Even though I understand the love that a soul inhabit, I know a soul loves unconditionally, no matter who or what, it will never ask another soul to give what they can't give. A soul have no doubt or fear that it will never be loved, because it knows that God's love are the evident in why it was born from the first place. While human relationship is full of doubt and compromises. Human relationship start with; If I give my heart to you, I expect you to behave in a certain way so that I can be happy. It's full of conditions and attachment, while the soul love without conditions and no attachment to another soul. 

I want to remember how it is to love as a soul and not as a body with full of fear and uncertainty. Why is that human love has so many limits? Most relationship start with butterflies in the tummy and end with bitterness and even hate for another. Why is that they say they stop to love when a relationship ends? Don't they know that they have always loved, because they are not just a body, they are the soul. A soul loves endlessly, some humans are lucky, because they remember that they are souls and not just a body. That's why they can love endlessly without ceasing to stop for a moment when they know that the other have to return to another realm of reality. 

The illusion of separation in this world is sometimes too real, so real that people are afraid they will lost another if they can't keep them in their life or relationship. I have experience that feeling, I was once in that illusion and thought it was the reality, but I have experience unconditional love, the truest form of love is to freely be who I am. I don't mean personality, I mean being the love that I am, in truth we don't need words to justify ourselves to another, we only need to recognize the love that we are and give ourselves the privilege to be loved by God, a divine force of love. It encircled inside our heart, but sometime we are to hung up with the illusion that we forget to really feel the truth in our heart. 

Humanity must remember that they are soul in a journey to remember who they really are so that they can experience the love that they are. The whole univers is dwelling inside them, why can't they be happy without materials things and see the illusion for illusion?

I AM, LOVE. 

Blessings

Miracle 

Love Is A Gift

In this moment I'm peaceful and excited to carry out my plans for the coming months. I feel so overwhelmed by this joy and blessing. And just to share an ounce of my love with someone I care about makes me truly happy. All I wish to do is to spread love all around me without expectation to receive anything back. 

Remember that love ask nothing for itself, unless it's love. 

I'm so overwhelmed with this unconditional love that I'm unable to sleep, so I turned my macbook on and share this feelings with you. 

I jotted down my ideas on how the gift should be like, and I have an intention to be done with it after two months. I can't share what I'm going to make yet, since my friend might go into my blog and read it. When I'm done with it, I will let you know how it went and if she likes it or not. I cross my fingers that she would love it. 

To receive something from someone is equally important as giving something to someone. No matter who we give it to, or receive it from, there is a joy in giving and receiving.. It's a flow of gratitude and blessings. Because when you give and that person receive with happiness, you are being affected by their happiness as well. It's a genuine feeling. Sometimes it's the thoughts that counts, so make it happen, if you have an idea on making someone happy, do it. Because chances are that they need it and you need it too. 

Keep the flow of love going in full spirals. 

Blessings

Miracle